I am a little calmer over the whole password-stealing thing (after all, they didn't get my password, and I've changed it, and that blog is locked up tighter than Fort Knox now). And now to update you briefly about tomorrow's plans:
I have an appointment at Vanderbilt tomorrow. I e-mailed my audiologist Monday morning and she obligingly worked me right in. The purpose of this appointment is to do another comprehension test and another audiogram. The audiogram will basically tell what I can hear...the comprehension test will tell what percentage of speech I can understand, either by hearing or lipreading. My audiogram in April of last year is here. I expect the little Xs and Os to be all the way at the bottom of the line or below this time :) I scored a 49% on my comprehension testing last June...it will be interesting to see what it is this time. I think I'll do fine with the lip reading, but I can't hear any words at all anymore...just a few muffled sounds. It's been two and a half weeks now, and it's stayed the same. It got faintly better Wednesday of last week and was a little clearer for a couple of days, but is gone again. The next step is to submit this information to BlueCross and hit them up for another $75,000 for another implant, and hope that they cooperate...quickly. I told Dicky I am considering leaving my hearing aid with my audiologist to force me to wear the implant I have (or, if you need one, or you know someone that does, I would be happy to donate it...it's kinda old, though, so it might not last long :) ). Only problem is that I hate the buzzing sensation so much that I'm afraid I might rather just be deaf than wear it. I wish that I (or anyone else around here) knew any sign language. Oh, well...lipreading still works pretty well :)
I've been left with some pain-in-the-heinie tinnitus. It's actually been kinda sorta entertaining: One night, it sounded like a train...one night, it sounded like a calypso steel drum band (that was a fun night!! It even had a good beat to it!!)...yesterday, it sounded like birds chirping. Last night, I had the sound off on the TV so hubby could sleep, and I thought I heard the girls screaming (terrified screams), so I woke him up to see if they were, in fact, screaming (instead of bravely going to investigate, of course...that's the man's job), because I didn't think I should be able to hear them. He told me that he didn't hear a thing, so, apparently, last night, the tinnitus sounded like screaming (that was kind of unnerving). Tonight it's been boring and just sounds like roaring machinery. Blah.
I was afraid that the loss of music would really depress me, but it's been OK so far. I think that in the months leading up to this, I had enough false alarms that I just gave up on music. I haven't played a CD or listened to anything on my laptop or in the car in months. The only music I ever listened to was in church, and I'm holding up OK there...I'm just afraid to sing (it might be even scarier than before) and hate to just sit there. I we're supposed to sing and make melody in our hearts, and I'm glad that the Lord loves the heart music the best, because what comes out my mouth ain't up to par!! Church is stressful, though, because I can only sit there, and I have very little idea what's being said. Thankfully, the preacher uses a lot of Powerpoint, so I usually try to edify myself by just writing down everything he says. On the whole, though, the mostly silent life isn't horrible, honestly. It's just taking some getting used to, and it does make being in a crowd of friends a little lonelier...I miss a lot of the conversation then...thankfully, the people that are the closest to me make sure I know what's going on....love 'em for it :)
Please pray for me, and also for one of my best friends, Tammy. While I was writing this post (I can't do just one thing at a time, ever) I read that her grandma died suddenly tonight :( . Her grandma was the shining star in Tammy's life, and she is devastated. She lives in North Carolina, so she's too far away for me to hug, but I can pray, and I hope you'll say a prayer for her, too. I feel so sad for her :(
I love you all... <3