Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I just gotta blog...

THANK YOU all for your words of encouragement and support today. I am not making this decision lightly. I am not making it because I feel like my first implant failed. I don't think that way. I do agree that I haven't given it enough time to really know what it will do, although, as I've stated earlier, I HAVE been told that my results are not "typical". Most people actually have the sensation of "hearing" from the get-go, even though it's not good hearing. I have a sensation of "hearing", too, but mine is accompanied by almost an electrical shock feeling, and it's not pleasant. My audiologist has turned my sensitivity levels down to near nothing and while it's more comfortable, it's still very unpleasant. It doesn't resemble hearing so much as it resembles being mildly electrocuted. I had that sensation in that ear before I ever had the was my reaction to loud unpleasant buzz...and was warned that it might well carry over after the surgery. I am NOT giving up on it yet, however....who knows, in time, I might adjust to it.
However, that's not what this is about :) This is about doing what I originally intended to replace a failing ear before I lose it entirely. I am not worried about having the same results with this second implant that I've had with the first one. And, if by some freaky chance, I do, I will adapt...somehow or another...God has seen me this far....He is not about to give up on me now. If He intends for it to happen, it will, and if He doesn't, it won't. I have faith.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Just a quick post...

I don't feel like writing a lot right now....some folks who are near and dear to my heart are in a lot of pain tonight (say a prayer, please), and I just don't have the heart for my usual blather.

I did want to let you know, though, that it's official....I am going to move forward with the insurance approval for my second cochlear implant. I have debated over this for quite some time and after the past few weeks, I'm ready. My hearing has fluctuated wildly the past few weeks...and yesterday, while I was sitting in church, it actually got so low that when everyone stood up to sing the invitation song, I couldn't hear anyone singing except the songleader (and he had on a microphone). We went to eat lunch with some dear friends and I felt so bad having to ask them to repeat everything (they were wonderful sports about it, though!).
By bedtime last night it was settling down a little, and this morning it was a lot better, but I have had horrible tinnitus all day long. When I took my hearing aid off a little while ago, it got horrible...right now it sounds like a freight train rumbling in my head. I've had enough of this. Yeah, it MIGHT get better, and I MIGHT not lose it all, but I personally don't believe that (an opinion shared by my mom, who tells me that what I'm experiencing now is identical to what I experienced 30 years ago when I lost most if it the first time around). Also, the hearing aid that I have now is so high powered that I get a lot of feedback from it unless I wear it with a really tight ear mold. Mine is so tight that I don't get any feedback at all....but also no air, which keeps it infected ALL the time, and it's sore and itchy...ugh! I'm ready to move on with it. I don't anticipate the same vibrotactile problems with the second CI that I am having with the first, and if I do, I'm just going to have to deal with it. I will have to make it work or live in a quiet world, and I can't see me taking the quiet option :) I am READY. Now let's hope and pray that the insurance company plays nice :) BlueCross's official stance is that they don't cover bilaterals in adults, but my surgeon is optimistic that they don't mean that ;).
No pity...just prayers...I am ready to get this show on the road. I feel great about my decision. I have been waiting for a push the right direction and after yesterday I am SURE! It's a good feeling!

I might not be posting much the next couple of days...there is a lot going on in my neck of the woods. I can write, but I can't think, so that would make posting difficult...
Love you all.... <3