Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Today's emotions are:

Overjoyed. Overwhelmed. Overstimulated. Tired.
Yes, I can hear. GOD IS SO GOOD.
Mind you, it's not very impressive, but I don't particularly care.
When Susan first hooked me up, I didn't feel anything at first, and then it came....whop whop whop whop whop....like the pounding of a migraine headache without the headache. I didn't catch it at first. I was listening for REAL sound, ya know. Then it got more intense...WHOPWHOPWHOP. I told Susan, "I feel a pounding in my head. Is that what I'm supposed to be getting?" I don't really remember what she said, only that I felt reassured that it was OK, and at least somewhat normal. She ran through several electrode pairs that way, and they all felt like that....whop whop whop whop. My head was reeling!
Finally, we came to an electrode set that actually had a little bit of...dare I say it?..sound quality to it!! It sounded a bit like it felt...sort of like a mechanical hum. The one after it was similar...still the heavy pounding in the head, but it, too, had a tone to it. Most of the tones we ran through didn't have a lot of sound to them...they mostly just assaulted my poor brain with sonic booms, but there were several where I felt like I was really "hearing" some sort of sound, no matter how dreadful. I was just overjoyed to have heard something that had a bit of "color" to it...that was all I had dared to hope for for the first day!!
After some doing, we settled on three programs of various sonic booms for my first week's practice set. I was somewhat dismayed when I put my hearing aid back on my "good" ear to find that with my processor on, I can barely hear from my "good" ear anymore. Apparently, my brain is scrambling trying to make sense of the new assaults on it, and is in "one thing at a time" mode.
I had a quick audiogram done, and scored around the 30 decibel level with my vibrating head. Now, if we could just transform these vibrations into sound....baby, I'd be hearing great!!
I experimented with my three programs on the way home, and was starting to feel slightly unsettled that I hadn't "heard" any more, but had faith that it would get better. I took the processor off at Don Pablo's...it was so loud in there that my head felt like it was about to explode, and I wanted to enjoy my lunch (Priorities, ya know) (a funny thing...whenever I took the processor off, or whenever it was totally quiet, which I've discovered is virtually never, I get a "dial tone" sound in my head. WEIRD!!). I made the mistake of putting it back on without first turning the "volume" down, and about dynamited my head apart from the vibrations! I tried to nap in the back seat on the way home, but just couldn't relax enough to do it (not to mention that the kids kept poking at me to see if I was still awake). We finally got home and I decided that I needed a nap. The vibrations are making me tired. I hopped in the bed (and NO, I haven't taken the nap yet...OF COURSE I had to blog first!!) and there were a couple of coat hangers down by the foot of the bed that were cramping my style, so I tossed them and they hit a package of lighbulbs on the bed.
"Tink", they said.
"Tink"?? Isn't that a sound?
Of course, I grabbed the coat hangers, and tinked everything I could find, and yes, everything tinks. And the tinks don't sound exactly alike. Along that line, I started drumming my fingernails on the keyboard of my laptop, and those tink too :) I'm tempted to get me several glasses of water and a spoon and have me a tink festival. My sister-in-law brought my girls home from school and when I was talking to her I realized that my voice has a sound to it. Hers doesn't....yet. The laptop keys click.
I am ecstatic with today's discoveries. I feel like I have gotten exactly what I prayed for....just enough sound that I have hope. My short term goals are: to hopefully be able to manage the vibrations in my brain, and to be able to hear with my hearing aid in my good ear and listen to tinks with my new ear at the same time :) I have another mapping in a week, and who knows what will happen in a week??!?!?
Today has been a great one. The adventure is off to a grand start!!!!!!!! THANK YOU for your prayers!!!

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