I don't feel like writing a lot right now....some folks who are near and dear to my heart are in a lot of pain tonight (say a prayer, please), and I just don't have the heart for my usual blather.
I did want to let you know, though, that it's official....I am going to move forward with the insurance approval for my second cochlear implant. I have debated over this for quite some time and after the past few weeks, I'm ready. My hearing has fluctuated wildly the past few weeks...and yesterday, while I was sitting in church, it actually got so low that when everyone stood up to sing the invitation song, I couldn't hear anyone singing except the songleader (and he had on a microphone). We went to eat lunch with some dear friends and I felt so bad having to ask them to repeat everything (they were wonderful sports about it, though!).
By bedtime last night it was settling down a little, and this morning it was a lot better, but I have had horrible tinnitus all day long. When I took my hearing aid off a little while ago, it got horrible...right now it sounds like a freight train rumbling in my head. I've had enough of this. Yeah, it MIGHT get better, and I MIGHT not lose it all, but I personally don't believe that (an opinion shared by my mom, who tells me that what I'm experiencing now is identical to what I experienced 30 years ago when I lost most if it the first time around). Also, the hearing aid that I have now is so high powered that I get a lot of feedback from it unless I wear it with a really tight ear mold. Mine is so tight that I don't get any feedback at all....but also no air, which keeps it infected ALL the time, and it's sore and itchy...ugh! I'm ready to move on with it. I don't anticipate the same vibrotactile problems with the second CI that I am having with the first, and if I do, I'm just going to have to deal with it. I will have to make it work or live in a quiet world, and I can't see me taking the quiet option :) I am READY. Now let's hope and pray that the insurance company plays nice :) BlueCross's official stance is that they don't cover bilaterals in adults, but my surgeon is optimistic that they don't mean that ;).
No pity...just prayers...I am ready to get this show on the road. I feel great about my decision. I have been waiting for a push the right direction and after yesterday I am SURE! It's a good feeling!
I might not be posting much the next couple of days...there is a lot going on in my neck of the woods. I can write, but I can't think, so that would make posting difficult...
Love you all.... <3