JOURNEY TO SOUND:

Calling It By Name:

2012-01-02T20:45:00.000-06:00

Some people are born inquisitive, analytical, always surveying the world around them and wanting answers to questions life offers them. I've always been one of those; someone who has a hard time accepting "just because" as an answer. That's an answer I don't like; I like "definite".

And so, of course, one of the things that has most defined my life, my deafness, has always been a complete mystery. Argh....how frustrating. For a long time it was almost kind of cool that I had this random deafness, this thing that just happened when I was a small child that nobody had any answers for, this total anomaly, but as time went on I became more and more curious. When I had my children, I was fascinated to discover that they were all hearing, and relieved, to a certain degree. But as a person who was born hearing and then became deaf, I had no security that my children would always hear.

I didn't have Internet when my first three children were born. I didn't get online until 1998, when Rachel was six months old or so. I joined several online communities but none of them were related to hearing loss...at that time I was in a fair amount of denial that I had a hearing loss at all and just had no interest in finding others like me. In March of 2006, though, that changed almost overnight. When I had that first sudden loss that began my journey down the road to complete deafness, I didn't walk, but rather, I ran to the Internet in search of people who had experienced cochlear implant surgery. And at this point in time I became intensely curious about the "why". Sudden hearing loss once in a lifetime was possibly understandable....one of those things that just happened. But I couldn't accept it twice. I was sure there had to be a reason, and I wanted to know what it was. So I pored over the websites that listed genetic causes of deafness. Connexin, LVAS, Marfan, Pendred's, Waardenburg...just a few of literally hundreds of things that it COULD have been. I ruled out many of them as I read. I was aware that there was a possibility that I'd never know what caused my loss, but I continued to search, hopeful that one day I would turn up something that would make sense.

Along my journey to cochlear implantation, to deafness, through the identity crises, through second and third implant surgeries, through conventions and new jobs and new friendships, I missed very few opportunities to ask people, "what is your story?". That was usually one of my first questions, right after finding out people's names. And the stories were fascinating. I met people who had lost their hearing due to illness, due to genetic disorders, rare autoimmune disorders, suicide bombers in Iraq. It was second nature to ask. Perhaps someone somewhere would have a clue that would give me the answer I was looking for.

And surprisingly enough, a clue came one night a year or so ago in a chat room on Hearing Journey, when several of my cochlear implant friends with Meniere's were talking about their battles with vertigo. Someone mentioned the "drop attacks", and suddenly, I thought, "I've had those." My first attack was probably eight or nine years ago, and it was totally out of the blue, in the spring of the year. I was walking through the mall, pushing a stroller, and one second I was standing, and the next second, I was flat, and the world was whirling around me. I was aware that people were standing over me and I was able to say, "I'm fine, I'm just dizzy". That was the first of several that I had over a period of a few months. I went in to see the local ENT about them, and he did an MRI, and found nothing that gave any clues about WHY I was having those attacks. I wanted an answer...I wanted TREATMENT...and the doctor could offer nothing more than, "there's nothing to fix, you'll just have to wait it out." Thankfully, the dropping and whirling stopped within a few months. However, I was left with mild vertigo...not constant, but often enough that I could say that it was an ongoing thing. It happened most frequently in the late winter and early spring months.

Vertigo began in earnest in January of 2006. I wrote on a previous blog about struggles with it. In February, in desperation over the frustration with vertigo, I stopped taking a medication that I was on in hopes that it would resolve the issue. It didn't....if anything, it became worse. And then, in late March, I had the first sudden hearing loss. And I don't remember the vertigo being quite so significant afterwards...I was suddenly very preoccupied with the sudden hearing loss and the insane tinnitus that had suddenly become a huge part of my life.

Amazingly, it just didn't occur to me that I had Meniere's. I didn't know a lot about it, but what I did know, or thought that I knew, was that people that had it had ongoing, day in and day out, disabling symptoms. And I didn't fit that category. So I dismissed it. Besides, I was looking for something that was related to the hearing loss I had had as a small child, and Meniere's didn't fit, because it was something that came and stayed....at least, to my way of thinking....and in my case, there had been nearly thirty years between the first loss and the second one...how could they possibly be related?

Between March of 2006 and March of 2007, I had constant tinnitus, occasional vertigo, and hearing that fluctuated as much as several times a week. And then one day at the end of March, 2007, I heard the staccato fireworks that signaled the end of my life as a person with any natural hearing...on that day, for all practical purposes, I became completely deaf. And I still didn't know why.

You know much of the rest of the story. I was implanted, I had a successful right ear, a not so successful left ear. I adjusted. I learned how to hear again, how to live again. I still researched the causes of hearing loss, hoping for an answer. I still came up short. I still asked "why?" to everyone I could think to ask. I stopped short of genetic testing...I didn't want to pay for something that might not give me an answer. I asked my surgeon, who only knew me as "sudden sensorineural hearing loss", "is there any reason why?" and he told me, "your ears are structurally perfect. There's no reason why they shouldn't work. They just don't."

I have several friends in my "inner circle" who have followed my journey for a long time....some longer than others. I'm lucky enough to have a few special girl friends who love each other dearly, and we all stay connected here and there, mostly on Facebook. Two of them have Meniere's. And as the weather this fall started to turn, and their symptoms started to flare up, I started realizing how much I related to what they were saying. Then on HearingJourney a few weeks ago, the topic of those awful drop attacks came up again, and that was enough for me....I wanted to know more about Meniere's. So the research began on every website I could find, and every website that I looked at reinforced my suspicions: I have Meniere's Disease. The websites answered every question completely: Drop attacks are uncommon in any other vestibular disorders. Children can have Meniere's, although it's rare. Meniere's can go into remission for years without a flare-up before rearing its ugly head. And one person's severity of symptoms will not match everyone else's....so it's perfectly reasonable that I have mild symptoms sporadically when other people are disabled by it. Not fair, exactly, but reasonable.

After one night of voraciously reading websites into the wee hours of the morning, my mom came over to bring lunch and visit. I told her that I had been researching, and she said, "Interestingly enough, when you were a small child, based on the symptoms you had, the doctors said that it appeared that you had Meniere's. But they ruled it out." I asked her, "Why did they rule it out?" and she responded, "Because, they said, children don't ever get Meniere's; it's something that happens to people later in life." I told her, "Based on what I read last night, children DO have Meniere's. It's rare, but they do." She told me then that they had used the words "endolymphatic hydrops" to describe what they were seeing. That term is synonymous with Meniere's today.

I took all of this information to the local ENT who first saw the "drop attacks" several years ago on December 22nd, and his face lit up in a "Eureka!" expression. "That's it," he said. "I have no doubt. You meet all the criteria for a definitive diagnosis, and your MRI ruled out any other cause of the vertigo. You have Meniere's Disease." I told him what my mother had said about the doctor's findings way back in 1976, and he agreed with us that juvenile Meniere's was probably the cause of my deafness back then. We have no 100% solid proof, but we have a good circumstantial case. He is forwarding all of my information to Vanderbilt in case my surgeon is interested in doing any farther testing for a true clinical diagnosis, but as far as we are concerned, the mystery is solved.

I'm overjoyed. In one sense, it's not the best possible news in the world...I still have symptoms. I'm already completely deaf, so there's good news there: I won't become deafer than I am now! My tinnitus is manageable at this time...I occasionally hear fireworks (my mother said that I heard the same sound as a little girl) and I occasionally hear high pitched tones and trains (I remember hearing those as a little girl). I never hear them when I have my processor on, and the noises don't invade my quiet time unmercifully like they do some of my other friends (although the fireworks startle me occasionally when they're loud). My biggest problem is the vertigo and the pressure in my ears. True swirling vertigo isn't a huge issue for me but I have a sense of being "off" some days, especially on bad weather days in the late winter and early spring. The pressure in my ears usually accompanies those bad days, and I just have this overall full head, off balance sensation that's more annoying than disabling, although some days it really gets under my skin. It is what it is. It's always been very manageable, and I'm grateful. And it's truly a relief to suddenly be able to see it for what it is, to realize that the sensations and the pressure are all part of the package deal, pieces in the puzzle.

A diagnosis doesn't answer my questions as to whether or not my children will be deaf. Meniere's can occur randomly...I may be the only person in my family who ever has it. However, it can also run in families....we go to church with one family where the father and son are the fourth and fifth generation of Meniere's in their family. In that sense, I won't ever have any real resolution....it will happen or it won't. At the moment, the children all hear reasonably well. There are no tests to determine if they have it while they are still hearing. So we continue to wait, but we are no better off and no worse off than we were before, and at least now we know what we're looking for.

I have a great amount of peace at having an answer for myself. One of my friends commented on Facebook that only about ten percent of people ever know "why". I'm really grateful that I have been given an official diagnosis, a name for the disease that changed my life. As my friend Tom said, it doesn't change the outcome; that remains the same, and I can live with that...I have long since accepted my deafness for what it is. But there is much peace in being able to call it by name.

2011-07-19T19:05:00.001-05:00

I remember the family counselor telling me back in 2005 that my deafness affected my life in more ways than I realized. I told him he was nuts. I didn't think that it affected me at all. But on March 30th, 2006, the day that I had the first sudden loss that would transform my entire attitude about deafness, my life was turned upside down in a way that I never anticipated.

For thirty years, I had lived with bad, but stable hearing. I had many negative feelings associated with my hearing loss over those years, but had trained myself to ignore them. I tell people now that during those thirty years, despite the fact that I had a 100 dB hearing loss, I considered myself basically a hearing person that missed a lot of words. I WANTED to be a hearing person. As a child, I was unique in so many ways, deafness just being one of them, and I didn't WANT to be different. I wanted to belong. And so if I missed something that was said, I stuffed the hurt away. If everyone else laughed at the joke, I laughed, too, whether I heard it or not. All the "I'll tell you laters" and "it wasn't that important anyway"...stuffed them deep down inside and let them silently hurt. But I had fooled myself into thinking that I was "normal", that I wasn't really very different from anyone else.

I still have this desire to belong, but it's different now. I still, quite often, feel a lack of connection to people that can hear, since they, for the most part, don't seem to be able to grasp my communication difficulties, and to be honest, I still don't always understand what they're saying. Most of the time they treat me like the person that I wanted to be and pretended to be for years...a hearing person that just sometimes misses some words. But somehow over the past few years my identity has changed and I no longer want to be seen as a hearing person who sometimes misses words: I want to be seen as a deaf person. At some point I became not only comfortable with who I was but proud of it, calm in the realization that deaf is not better or worse, but simply different. At some point I became not just accepting of my deafness but fiercely owning it: demanding for it to be seen and acknowledged, a take-it-or-leave-it attitude. Which side of the fence do you stand on? Can you accept the fact that I don't hear well? Can you not only acknowledge that I'm deaf, but deal with it and make the changes to help me, and others like me, overcome the communication barriers? And for the people, hearing or deaf, that say, "I embrace that about you, let's take it and roll with it", I feel at home. But I feel an especially deep sense of kinship with others who live it, who have been through the same journey I have and have come out on the other side bruised and battered a bit, perhaps, but who have kept their hearts strong and kind and generous and willing to lend a hand to others who are just beginning the trip. I don't even really like the term "hard of hearing"...that seems to me to be a cop-out, a "not quite deaf" statement. I'm deaf. My ears have very few, if any, living cells in them that work...they have all been mown down by a shiny electrode array. I only hear when the magnet clings to the side of my head and a string of binary code cascades through the electrode, producing electrical impulses that, almost miraculously, my brain interprets as sound. My ears look perfect, but they serve no other function, really, than to hold a processor and perhaps the arms of my reading glasses. And a lot of people shy away from deafness...it seems to be something to be feared, something to be ashamed of, something to be tiptoed around. I wish that all of that could be pushed away and that hearing loss....deafness...could be seen for what it is, something that affects one in THREE people by the age of 65. It's not something to be ashamed of or afraid of or something to hide. It's very real, it's very common, and there are a lot of people with hearing loss who miss out on the world around them every day because of stigma and shame.

I wouldn't be hearing again now...too much of who I am now is wrapped up inside a deaf identity. I believe that this is who I was meant to be, and that there's a purpose for this, so I accept and embrace the fact that this is who I am, and try to educate those around me about the fact that inside, we're people just like you are, people who want to be accepted and involved and needed just like everyone else. We are going to miss a lot of things that you say. We don't want to....we don't choose to. We need you to meet us halfway. We don't advocate for ourselves to be pushy and loud and rude and obnoxious. We advocate for ourselves because we want to share this amazing thing called Life with you, and occasionally, if you don't stand up for yourself, nobody is going to stand up for you. We just want you to be aware that we don't hear. We have a lot to offer, but we don't always hear. Silence and shame and invisibility doesn't benefit anyone. Can you hear us? Are you listening?

My story:

2010-07-27T11:07:00.002-05:00

A link to the Hearing Loss Magazine can be found here: HLAA Website

and the article itself is here.

Watch for....

2010-06-29T13:32:00.005-05:00

...the July/August edition of Hearing Loss Magazine :) (Photos by Cindy Dyer, who writes about the article here)

Check it out! :)

2010-01-12T07:52:00.001-06:00

http://www.advancedbionics.com/CMS/Support/BEA/Become-a-Mentor/

Turning Point

2009-10-01T07:37:00.002-05:00

I know it has been a LONG time since I have posted anything here...wow...I was startled when I looked at the date of my last post. Truth is, though, writing here has not been a passion of mine for a long time. I have discovered the simple, fun world of Facebook and that has been where I spend the majority of my time. I still love to write but writing about deaf issues just isn't something that really appeals to me right now.

I have decided that I have somewhat come full circle here. For years I was in denial about my deafness...I didn't want to be deaf and didn't want to talk about it. I pretended to be just your average "normal hearing" person for as much of the time as I could. I would tell people I was deaf but only when the situation called for it. I was embarrassed, quite frankly.

When I went completely deaf in March of 2007, my situation changed...I was suddenly undeniably deaf and had to face that fact. I jumped headfirst into the world of hearing loss...getting involved with every hearing loss group I could find, investing all of my time and energy there. I was no longer deaf and ashamed...I was deaf and proud of it. I was on a mission to change the world and their misguided views of deaf people. I loved it and I allowed it to consume my world almost completely.

Unfortunately, that kind of sudden, consuming passion tends to crash and burn rather quickly :). I went through a phase where I was just overwhelmed...too many irons in the fire, too much going on, too many different directions where I was being pushed and pulled emotionally and physically. On the go too much, taking time away from the things and people that really mattered. So many thoughts swirling through my head and not being able to sort them all out. I took a hiatus to stop the craziness...to sit back and think and prioritize. And now I see things a little more clearly.

I am so much more than a deaf person.

I am a creation of God, a daughter, a sister, a Christian, a friend, a wife, a mother, a teacher, a mentor. I am deaf, but that does not define me...it is just a small part of who I am. I am so much more than my non-working ears and the tiny personal computer that resides just behind them.

So I am shifting my focus here...and going back to blogging like I used to...about the big picture of life, not one small, isolated area of it. I am keeping this blog open and I may occasionally update it but I am going to attempt to start posting occasionally on a new blog that I created several weeks ago. It can be found here. This blog will always be my "CI blog"...even the URL reflects the theme...and as much as I loved reading CI blogs when I was researching, I hope that this will be a help to someone down the road somewhere...but I want to write about so much more...my family, my church family, what is cooking in my kitchen, the weather, what my cats have destroyed today, how many monkeys are in my collection now, what I want to be when I grow up. Share it with me? :)

Thank you!

2009-07-22T00:09:00.005-05:00

...for all the support that has come my way over the past few days...here and on Facebook. The decision to make a big change of this nature took a while to wrap my brain around but I feel nothing but relief now that I have made it. I have an appointment made...July 31st at 9 AM I am meeting Susan to try the CIS programming and we will see how that goes. She said that we have never tried the CIS strategy before and agreed that it was a possibility so I am interested to see if it will make any difference at all. I have heard from several users of that strategy that have had encouraging things to say...that is exciting :)
While at the HLAA convention in Nashville, our family had the privilege of working with Cindy Dyer, whose photography can be found here: Cindy Dyer's Blog. Cindy offered to photograph our family about a year ago but because of schedule conflicts we never could make it happen. I finally got to meet Cindy in June and she spent quite a bit of time with our family one afternoon taking pictures. The woman does spectacular work...and also a tremendous amount of it...so I have been patiently waiting to see how they turned out. It finally got to be too much for me, though, and I e-mailed her and asked to see just one particular picture...one where we just let the kids be goofy and hang out. She obliged by sending it to me right away...and it was so cute! She has asked that I not share further pictures just yet...as they are for a project...but she said I could post this one on my blog, so I did :) I think this one turned out so cute...my eight year old is making a funny face, but that's what that age tends to do in pictures, I think :)
One more quick observation and then I am headed to bed. I have talked to a lot of people over the past three years about CIs and have mentored, been mentored by, supported and been supported by a lot of people in that time. One of my buddies, Ulf, has been around for a long time...I've probably known him about two years. He has been desperately needing a CI for a long time but because he lives in Norway and there is limited funding for his hospital to do CI surgeries, he has had to wait a very, very long time. I don't know what time it is in Norway, but I know that Ulf is FINALLY having his surgery today, on Wednesday, July 22nd. I get excited about ALL CI surgeries, but he has waited a very long time to hear again, and I feel a tremendous amount of joy that his dream is finally coming true. Keep Ulf in your prayers and if you feel like it, swing by his blog and congratulate him. I know he hasn't posted on the blog a lot lately but the last I heard on Facebook everything was still on. He would love to hear from you. Keep him in your prayers!
Headed to bed...night, all :)

Just keepin' it real.

2009-07-14T20:05:00.006-05:00

Long post ahead!

I have had a really hard time coming to and writing on this blog for several months. I know it's been neglected...we've had the Walk4Hearing, the HLAA convention, and most recently, I went to the Northeastern Cochlear Implant Convention in Massachusetts just last weekend...and I haven't written much, if anything about any of those events. I really feel bad about that...there was a lot to say about all of those events...but this blog just hasn't been a comfortable place for me to be lately.

I have a really good reason, and I have been hesitant to share for a long time, but it's finally time.

On September 11th, 2006, I went under the knife for the first time to implant a cochlear implant in my left ear. It had been without sound for thirty years, since the time I was four years old. When I lost the hearing in that ear, the doctors told my parents that I had no usable hearing in that ear and a hearing aid wouldn't be helpful, so in all that time, I never heard a single sound in that ear.
At activation, I felt sounds in that ear instead of hearing them. Within a few hours I was hearing sounds but despite the best efforts of my incredible audiologist we never were able to program out the sensation. The best way to describe the sensation that I feel is a jackhammering feeling inside the skull. Not at all pleasant. I toughed it out for a few months and then gave up on it, since I still had a hearing aid that gave me a little benefit in my right ear.

I soon lost the remaining hearing in that ear, and on November 5, 2007 I was implanted in my right ear. Two days before Thanksgiving I was activated and we knew from the first MINUTE that this ear was going to be dramatically different. I could hear voices immediately and was comprehending speech before I ever left the office. Within two weeks I scored a 96% on a test comprising of sentences intoned by a male voice...and I wasn't lipreading. Before the CI I only got about half of what was said...WITH lipreading and the tiny bit of sound I had left.

After I had had that CI for a few months, I started questioning all the problems I had with my first implant. Was it possible that there was something wrong with it? I had a lot of pain and fullness in that ear...was there any possibility at all that perhaps something had gone wrong? I discussed this with all of my family and friends, my surgeon and audiologist, and several of the people that I knew that worked with Advanced Bionics, and after much discussion it was decided that it wouldn't hurt to reimplant that left ear and just see if it made a difference. So in August of 2008 we gave it one more go and I went back under the knife for the last time. Five weeks later I was activated and the results were only somewhat better. I have no pain in that ear anymore, so that benefit was immediately obvious. I still felt sensation in addition to sound, though.

However, this time my attitude was different. I was going to keep that baby on at all times...whenever my right ear was on my left ear was going to be on with it. If the sensation could be defeated, I was going to do it. I was much more determined this time. I was going to be bilateral...I had gone through the surgery twice and I was going to make it happen.

Well, almost a year later, here's the update...being bilateral isn't working for me. At my last mapping two weeks ago, my audiologist and I talked about giving up and going back to my one good ear alone...I have been so VERY frustrated. Because of the sensation that my left ear feels, I have to keep the volume and sensitivity way down. Because of that, I can only hear the louder sounds...my audiogram on that ear is about in the 70 db range, and I have practically no comprehension at all in that ear when it's tested alone. My brain seems to have reassigned a lot of low frequencies to that ear, so I do have a richer, fuller sound with both of them on. However, if I am in a situation that is noisy at all (and I have five children, so just being at home often puts me in that situation) the sound that the left ear gives me is actually a huge distraction to my right. After a certain loudness threshold, everything sounds garbled. I have been VERY frustrated with that situation, simply because when I only had one ear, I heard MUCH better in groups than I do now. I'm a very social person...and I love group situations. I HATE being in groups or on a plane or in the car and having to struggle again when I know how easy it was before when I only had one ear.

If I had a magic crystal ball and it told me that in two years, three years, five years, all of this would magically get better and I would have super hearing, I would have a lot more strength to keep on going. But it has been almost three years since I first implanted that left ear and I am telling it like it is: I don't see enough improvement to keep on doing this when I KNOW I can hear better with one ear alone. This is not an implant issue, or a surgical issue. This is the issue of a brain that went without sound for thirty years, from a very early age, and doesn't seem capable of creating new connections past what it already has.

I have a very supportive group of friends and family, and most of them have thrown out constant encouragements of "Don't quit!" "Don't give up, maybe it will get better!" and the like. And I think it's because of those people that I have stayed with it as long as I have...I haven't wanted to say, "This isn't working for me" and let everyone down. I also love the volunteer work that I do with Advanced Bionics and had fears that a volunteer with a non-working ear wouldn't be of much use to a company whose business is making people hear. It has been so hard to come here and blog...this is supposed to be about bilateral implants! The title and even the link reflect that.

This weekend I went to the Northeastern Cochlear Implant Convention and while I was there I went to a workshop with a bilateral panel. Four bilateral users, all with the Advanced Bionics implants. Audience members were encouraged to ask questions to the panelists about their likes and dislikes about being bilateral. "What is the best thing about being bilateral?" was one question. One of the panelists, who was probably in his mid 50s, spoke up and said, "I don't wear one of mine. I was born deaf in that ear and despite the fact that I wore that implant for 14 months, it never did work for me." I nearly fell out of my chair. Why did they have him on a bilateral panel? What good was his being bilateral if both ears didn't work?

I talked to him for a good while after the workshop and we compared notes. I told him my story and he said, "Thank you for sharing that. I think that people are afraid to admit that occasionally they just don't work. I gave it my best shot and it seems like you have too. I have one ear and it's great and I am thrilled to have that." And those are my feelings. I cried all the way through my sushi at lunch because of the relief of finally admitting it to myself...I can't keep doing this. I can't keep wondering what other people are going to think. I can't keep worrying that someone might be nervous about being implanted after hearing my story. I can't keep keeping on for everyone else. In order to hear my best, one ear seems to be my best option.

I have one more possibility under my belt. There is a very simple programming strategy called CIS that was used a while back in previous implants. It delivers less information at a slower rate, if I understand correctly, and might possibly be able to reduce sensation just enough so that I can increase sound enough to balance those two ears. It's not commonly used and it's a bit tricky to program in so there's a possibility that it might take some doing to make that happen, but after I have tried that (and I am fairly positive that it won't make a difference), I can honestly say that I have done everything I can think of to make being bilateral a success and can walk away with no guilt at all. I talked to a friend at Advanced Bionics today about my volunteer work; did she think I could still be an effective mentor if I gave up? Her reply made me cry:

"...We value you and your experiences and going forward, they will continue to be valuable to all who connect with you, regardless of the direction you move. If you return to being a person who uses one CI, that will be your perspective and the point of view from which you will share your experiences.
...The bigger issue is really what you want to do and need to do for your best hearing experience. It sounds like you have given that tremendous thought and have come to a conclusion that works for you. Whatever you decide, AB, and I think more importantly, you family, friends and those of us at AB who know and care deeply about you, will be completely supportive and behind you 100%.
So please take any guilt or disappointment you think we might have off the table and out of the equation. That is simply a non-issue."

So that is what I am going to do. The next few months will bring more mapping appointments as we attempt the CIS strategy...I should know fairly quickly if that will work or not. If it doesn't, I will have to retrain my brain to bear the entire weight of hearing again. It won't take long but it will require several mapping sessions to get it right again.

I have zero disappointment about not being able to hear with that ear. I had zero expectations of it going in, and after three years, I feel almost a sense of relief to know that the end may be in sight. I may not have surround sound any more, but I will have the best hearing I can have, and, my friends, isn't that what we all want?

Suggestions please?

2009-06-07T23:09:00.002-05:00

With the HLAA convention coming up in a week and a half, I have been offered a really neat opportunity to speak to the employees at the Nashville airport about the influx of hearing impaired travelers that will be descending on them in just a few days. This is my chance to tell them what concerns we hearing impaired individuals have and talk with them about the best way to communicate with us. If you could tell airport personnel one thing, what would you want them to know?

Pictures from the Walk4Hearing.....

2009-05-16T22:11:00.003-05:00

...here and here. Check them out!

I want to write more about this soon, but I'm worn out :). I do want to say a HUGE "Thank You!!!" to everyone who has supported me and my team this year...with your help, I was able to contribute $900.00, and at last count the Nashville team had raised $1,990.00...ten dollars short of $2,000.00!! Considering that several of the people that had originally planned to walk with our team weren't able to due to scheduling conflicts, I am THRILLED with our success. I am so grateful to YOU all for making this happen...thank you!

My children and husband all walked...even my six year old...5k or just a little over 3 miles. Needless to say, everyone is asleep...and I am headed that way myself!

Hugs,

Jen :)

Unexpected Benefits

2009-05-11T15:51:00.005-05:00

You know, when I first started researching cochlear implants three years ago, all I wanted to do was to find a way to recover the hearing that I was rapidly losing. I honestly never would have believed that cochlear implants provided BETTER hearing, and I had no idea of the added benefits that would come along with that better hearing.
At my six-month bilateral testing, I scored 100% comprehension with both ears together in quiet (no lipreading at all), and something like 95% in noise (I don't have a copy of that paper...I need to get that). That alone is startling...before the CI, I very seriously doubt if I would have EVER been able to score even 50% in quiet without lipreading.
I struggled through every church service to hear well enough to combine what I was hearing with what I was seeing to produce a plausible sermon. I struggled with conversations every day, constantly telling my husband and children to "look at me!" when they were talking. I am still amazed today to realize that now, when I am sitting in Bible class and someone comes and sits in front of me, I don't have to start stressing about being able to hear because I am generally going to hear about 95% of what is said without ever even looking at the speaker. I don't have to read the captioning at my HLAA meetings anymore because I can understand our guests effortlessly. Actually, before Christmas, we were on our way to dinner and my mother-in-law was attempting to talk to me in our car...while I was driving, her in the backseat, in the dark, with David Cook blaring. I answered a few of the comments she was making, but finally told her, "I don't know if you realize this, but we are carrying on a conversation with the radio on!" She was stunned to realize that not only had she forgotten that I was deaf and carried on that conversation, but that I was able to hear her. I don't like those conversations, though, they're a little stressful...but who would have ever thought I'd be able to do that?
But one benefit that I never thought about has showed up in recent months...and it has been totally unexpected and very much appreciated. I have noticed that it has become easier for people to understand ME. The people that know me and love me will staunchly claim that I have always had "fine" speech for someone as profoundly deaf as I have been all my life, and I love them for that. I haven't ever had a lot of people peg me as deaf immediately...they usually say, "You have an interesting accent...where are you from?" I started telling them a while back that my accent is "Southern Deaf Girl"...it almost always makes them laugh and it hopefully keeps them from being too embarrassed for asking.
My aunt Betty was the first person to ever say anything about my speech after my implants...she was in from Texas last year and she hadn't yet spent any time with me and my newest ear. After taking for a few minutes, she said, "Wow, Jennifer, I can tell you're hearing better, because your speech is better!" I was startled that it was that noticeable...but pleased, because she has known me all my life, and that was an interesting observation.
Saturday I was at Wal-Mart and stopped to talk to one of my former co-workers, Miss Peggy. We were cashiers together and talked a lot on breaks and such. It has now been a year since I worked at Wal-Mart and I only rarely see Peggy anymore. I talked to her for a few minutes, and she suddenly said, "Do you mind if I ask you something?"
A question like that is usually the preface to something personal, so I was a little startled, but said, "Sure, go ahead!"
"Are you taking any speech classes? Doing anything like that?"
"No, nothing like that at all, why do you ask?"
"I just HAVE to tell you that your speech is SO MUCH BETTER!! I hope you don't mind me saying that or get offended that I mentioned it?"
"Oh, no, Peggy, not at all....to the contrary, you just made my entire week!!!"
Apparently, one added benefit of being able to hear all those wonderful speech sounds is that I am now getting better at pronouncing them all. I am tickled about that :)
Sorry for being so scarce lately...but I went to the Gears4Ears a week and a half ago, have the Walk4Hearing this Saturday (it's not too late to donate!), and the convention coming up in five and a half weeks! AND the kids are getting out of school in two weeks...oy! :) I have a few things to write about though so stay tuned for more posts coming up soon! :)

Kinda neat....

2009-04-15T21:50:00.001-05:00

...Check this link out. Recognize anybody? :)

2009-04-08T17:38:00.000-05:00

My Walk4Hearing Personal Page

As of 4/07, I am a third of the way to my goal! :)

This just in!

2009-04-06T12:38:00.002-05:00

I have highlighted some really big news below :) If you are an Operation Iraqi Freedom or an Operation Enduring Freedom veteran, you can receive a complimentary one year membership to the Hearing Loss Association of America AND a complimentary registration to the convention in June. This is a very nice offer...if you or someone you know is a candidate for this offer, please read below!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: April 6, 2009

Contact: Nancy Macklin, Director of Events
nmacklin@hearingloss.org

Hearing Loss Association of America's Convention 2009
in Nashville this June Welcomes
Veterans of Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF) and
Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF)

Bethesda, Maryland: The Hearing Loss Association of America will hold Convention 2009, June 18 - 21, 2009, at the Gaylord Opryland Resort & Convention Center in Nashville. Thirty years of the organization's accomplishments will be toasted at a celebration, and a DVD generously donated by the American Abilities Television Network (www.mirusmedia.net) will be shown at the event.

HLAA is pleased to announce it has been named as a partner by the National Technical Institute for the Deaf (NTID) at Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT), in the Military Veterans with Hearing Loss Project, a program designed especially for veterans of OIF and OEF who have a hearing loss as a result of their service. The goal is to bring qualified veterans into RIT beginning in fall 2009. Dr. T. Alan Hurwitz, President of NTID, will formally announce the partnership at the Opening Session on Thursday, June 18, 2009. He will be followed by a 28-year old Army captain from Knoxville, Tennessee, who will recount the story of his traumatic brain injury and hearing loss caused by a suicide bomber in Iraq. For additional information about the program, visit www.rit.edu/ntid/veterans. The Hearing Loss Association of America applauds NTID and RIT's commitment to veterans and their unique approach to education for veterans with hearing loss.

HLAA has pledged its support of OIF and OEF veterans by offering a complimentary one-year membership and registration to its upcoming convention. In addition, HLAA has launched a new page on its website, www.hearingloss.org, especially for veterans for OIF and OEF where vets can meet our Featured Veteran, read pertinent articles about hearing technology, relationships, communication strategies, and more.

Convention 2009 highlights include:
 Birthday celebration marking HLAA's 30th year, and three decades of accomplishments;
 Vint Cerf, Ph.D., Opening Session keynote speaker, is widely known as one of the "Fathers of the Internet;"
 Research Symposium sponsored by the Deafness Research Foundation, An Update On the Latest Hair Cell Regeneration Research, featuring scientists from around the country on their ground-breaking research;
 Exhibit Hall and Trade Show with many hands-on, interactive exhibits showcasing the latest technology and services for people with hearing loss;
 Five educational tracks of workshops: Living and Working with Hearing Loss, Relationships and Communication, Advocacy and Access, Hearing Technology, and Young Adult Issues;
 Grand Ole Opry show Saturday night; and
 Sunday Breakfast Awards Ceremony.

The Opening keynote speaker, Vint Cerf, Ph.D., is vice president and chief Internet evangelist for Google. Widely known as one of the "Fathers of the Internet," Cerf is the co-designer of the TCP/IP protocols and the architecture of the Internet. In December 1997, President Clinton presented the U.S. National Medal of Technology to Cerf and his colleague, Robert E. Kahn, Ph.D. In a pre-convention statement, Cerf said he plans to speak "about technology and hearing assistance including the role of mobile, Internet-enabled devices."

Dr. George A. Gates, Scientific/Medical Director of the Deafness Research Foundation, will moderate the Research Symposium, An Update on the Latest Hair Cell Regeneration Research. He will introduce his distinguished colleagues in the field: Neil Segil, Ph.D., Director of the Division of Cell Biology and Genetics at the House Ear Institute; Douglas Cotanche, Ph.D., an Associate Professor in the Departments of Otolaryngology- Head & Neck Surgery and Anatomy & Neurobiology at Boston University School of Medicine, a Lecturer in the Department of Otology & Laryngology at Harvard Medical School, and a Member of the Affiliated Faculty of the Harvard-MIT Division of Health Sciences and Technology; and Hinrich Staecker, M.D., Ph.D., a tenured associate professor in the University of Kansas School of Medicine.

About Hearing Loss Association of America
The Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA), founded in 1979 by Rocky Stone as Self Help for Hard of Hearing People, opens the world of communication to people with hearing loss through information, education, advocacy and support. HLAA publishes Hearing Loss Magazine, holds annual conventions, Walk4Hearing™, hosts online learning with the Hearing Loss Academy, and more. HLAA has more than 200 chapters and 14 state organizations.

For further information, go to www.hearingloss.org. For more information about sponsoring an event or exhibiting at the convention, please contact Christopher T. Sutton at 301-657-2248, or email csutton@hearingloss.org. The national headquarters is located at 7910 Woodmont Avenue, Suite 1200, Bethesda, MD 20814. Phone: 301-657-2248 (Voice and TTY).

Please....

2009-04-03T15:53:00.002-05:00

Check out my Walk4Hearing Page! I participated in the Tampa, Florida walk last year, and with the support of many of you I raised $1200.00!! I would love to meet or exceed that goal this year. I know that budgets are tight everywhere, but this is such a worthwhile cause. Hearing loss affects people all around us, and HLAA is at the forefront trying to make sure that we have the education, the advocates in Washington, and the support that we need to best be able to not only survive, but thrive in the hearing world around us :).

My personal connection with HLAA started nearly two years ago when my audiologist recommended that I join HLAA to keep up with the latest in hearing loss news. I had little interest in things related to hearing loss or deafness...I signed up merely to humor the woman :). A few days later I got an invitation to the National Convention in Oklahoma City, OK, and the rest was history. Being with people that were like me was so comforting and reassuring and relaxing...I fell in love with the organization immediately. I came home to Tennessee and got involved with the Nashville chapter. It has changed me in so many ways...I am so much more confident, so much better educated, and learn something new every week about things I can do to make my own life as a hearing impaired person easier. I wish I had found this group long ago!

I am passionate about making a difference in not only my life, but in the lives of deaf and hard of hearing people around me. Won't you please donate whatever you can and help me reach my goal?

2009-04-03T13:59:00.001-05:00

Sign the petition....

2009-02-26T10:26:00.002-06:00

....to help spread the word about our need for captioning!
Check it out!

Stay tuned....

2009-02-24T10:32:00.001-06:00

...for my experiences at Greensboro, NC's DeafNation as one of CSDVRS' newest VCO outreach specialists!

Incredible!

2009-01-05T18:23:00.002-06:00

I went for a mapping today and as soon as I walked in Susan took me to the sound room. I was a little apprehensive about that because usually when I go for a new map, I do better in testing AFTER the map than before, ya know? I go in to have sounds filled in that have dropped off or disappeared...so I don't feel really confident in the sound room before that...but that's how Susan does it so in I went. First she tested my right ear...and I was SO disappointed! This is my GOOD ear, ya know...and it was just not up to par. I missed several of the sentences in quiet..I haven't EVER done that badly before! I was sitting there thinking, "this ear needs a SERIOUS tune-up!"! To add insult to injury we did the sentences in noise and it was worse than ever. Then we did single words, and ugh! I don't know what the score was, but it wasn't good.
Then she tested the newest ear, and the results were equally dismal...I heard PART of one sentence in quiet, and a couple of words in the single word test. She said I had about seven percent speech comprehension in that ear. Not too shabby, but not too hot either.
Here's where it got really freaky. She tested me with both ears together, and I scored a 96% on sentences in quiet. It's not the first time I've ever done that, but it's the first time I've ever done it with both ears together. I think I would have actually scored higher but I had the volume off a bit on one of them. The sentences in noise weren't quite that high but they were at about 80%, and the single word test I scored 78%...up from 68% the last time I took that test!! And this was BEFORE my map!!!
So, in a nutshell...the last time I was tested I had one ear that did all the work and one that did none of it. This time I have two ears that, while they don't contribute equally, and both of them are lacking in one way or another, work together AS A TEAM. I don't keep my left ear loud enough that it seems to be doing much anything, but surprisingly, it is...just kinda quietly plugging away over there...and the two ears are now doing what the one was doing all by itself before.
I did have to get them both tweaked just a little...the right ear was missing some higher frequencies and I am happy to have those back because my music sounds better. I have two new CDs...David Cook and Celtic Woman...and I had them going all the way home...they sounded so good!
I do have more to report, but thought I would get that out there first :). I was just so surprised...I had no idea I was making that kind of progress!!

Merry Christmas...

2008-12-24T02:02:00.000-06:00

...from my family to yours. I'm so grateful for every one of you that has touched my life this past year...I hope your holidays are precious and filled with joy and fun (oh, and lots of yummy food, too!). Much love to you all! :)

Early Bird registration ends soon!!!

2008-12-22T12:27:00.002-06:00

I hope you all know by now that the 2009 Hearing Loss Association convention, celebrating SHHH/HLAA's 30th birthday, will be right here in Tennessee...June 18th-21st, in Nashville, at the beautiful Gaylord Opryland Resort and Hotel!
If you haven't ever been to a Hearing Loss Association convention, I hope you'll consider attending this one. I attended my first HLAA convention in June of 2007 in Oklahoma City, OK. It was literally a life-changing experience for me. I had never been to an event with other deaf and hard of hearing people...at that time I had never even been to an HLAA meeting...and it was such a unique experience. For the first time in my life I wasn't different from everyone else...the people all around me had hearing loss just like I did. They didn't mind repeating themselves. They knew to look at me when they were talking to me and didn't all talk at once. They tried their best to include me in all conversations because they knew what it was like to miss out on the fun and they wanted me to be included. All of the workshops were captioned and interpreted so that nobody missed a thing. It was the first time I had ever been in an environment where I didn't have to struggle to keep up with what was going on around me and I just felt so at home knowing that I was in the company of people that understood what I was feeling because THEY HAD LIVED IT. I came home much more confident, more comfortable with myself, armed with new information about the latest technology, and blessed with many new friends. It was just an incredible experience!
Kicking off this year's convention will be keynote speaker Dr. Vint Cerf, the vice president of Google, who will be speaking to us on technology and hearing assistance, including the role of mobile, internet-enabled devices. The convention has quite a few workshops offered on many topics, including technology, relationships, health and wellness, and several others. This year there will also be several workshops geared specifically towards young adults between the ages of 18-35 on issues relating to them. When the workshops are over for the day, the social events begin. You will not want to miss this!!! You can find out more...including all the information you'll need to know to register and about the hotel...here. If you register before Dec. 31st, you can take advantage of the Early Bird discount...$50.00 off the registration price.
If you have any questions, PLEASE don't hesitate to ask...I would love to help as much as possible. I'd love to see every one of you there...if you've never been to a convention before, 2009 is the year to go!!

Well, pooh!

2008-11-22T20:42:00.002-06:00

I was going to write a post for the one year anniversary of my activation and today was supposed to be the big day. The 22nd, I thought to myself...the big day. So I am tripping down memory lane, looking back in the blog to read what I had to say one year ago today, and pft, it was the 20th. I should have known...I kept thinking it was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving last year, and didn't know how in the world it could go from being on a Tuesday one year to being on a Saturday the next. I am sick, people, with a cold/sinus infection thing, and have been feeling really icky the past few days, so that's my story, and I'm sticking to it :). I knew it was bound to happen...with three little girls sick my number was bound to come up sometime. I am also in possession of one really sore eye...Claire was trying some High School Musical number or another tonight and poked me in the eye with her fingernail, scratching it pretty good. It's red and sore enough to be a constant reminder, but thankfully I can see with no problems. We were supposed to have family pictures made tomorrow but they were postponed...it's a good thing, I think, as I seem to be falling apart!
Anyhow, one year ago Thursday Susan put my shiny new electrodes through their paces one at a time and then, with the flip of a switch, fired them all up and sound flooded my brain for the first time in eight months. After a few seconds of outright hilarity at the way my new ear sounded, I was just awestruck by the wonder of it all...it worked perfectly, just as it was supposed to. It sounded different, yes...but I was hearing sounds. In the first few days I heard environmental sounds that I had never heard before and heard voices with a clarity that I had never had before. I was one of the fortunate ones that had exceptional results from the very beginning...I think because I was only without sound for a few months and the brain was READY to hear sound on that side again!! I have never looked back...it's a decision that I am so glad I made and would do it again in a second (although with both ears done to my satisfaction, I'm in no hurry to do it again any time soon ;)).
A lot can change in a year...I have gained so much independence, so much more confidence...I've gotten pretty good with the phone, pretty good at hearing the kids in the back seat (not always a good thing). It's gone by really fast...hard to believe...and I'm excited to think about all the exciting new things that it will bring me in the future! :)

Another tune-up! :)

2008-11-14T22:33:00.003-06:00

I went to Vanderbilt today for another "tune-up", as I call them. Susan asked if I wanted to do both ears again and I told her that I thought we really needed to as my "good" ear was starting to sound flat. It's amazing that that little bit of sound that I had coming in with my new ear was enough to change the entire balance. She adjusted the good ear until we had it sounding clear and melodious again and then we got to work on the newer ear. I was VERY excited that while I wasn't able to raise the sensitivity in the lower frequencies, we made some pretty good gains in the higher ones. We were actually able to raise the overall volume a bit this time without it sounding too loud. Then we put the two ears together and found that the good ear needed some tweaking with the newer ear's adjustments, so we worked on it a bit longer, and voila! it sounded great!! I usually leave the office with a new map sounding great and by the time I get home it sounds scrambled and I am worn out...but this time we must have done something right, because I haven't struggled with it too much. I did start getting a little overtired in the middle of the day but a jolt of caffeine perked me up enough to keep going. I had a couple more appointments after that so I was moving too fast to get too tired!
In fact...I was listening to my John Denver CD on the way home...the one that I have nearly worn out playing it over and over and over and over again in the car between home and ASL class, home and meetings, etc...and I was hearing words to some of the songs that I hadn't ever heard before!! Awesome...not only are both ears working...they're working fairly well together at last!
I was changing from a sweater to a t-shirt this afternoon...the weather got warmer than I thought it would and managed to knock the magnet off my good ear, rendering me instantly deaf on that side. I was singing at the time (all the kids were gone so there was nobody there to tell me to be quiet) and I got a shock when I realized that I could still hear myself with my newest ear and it didn't sound too bad...that the volume only sounded a little soft and it was almost recognizable as a tune (of course, that's assuming that what I was singing was tuneful to begin with ;)). I have put off "one-on-one" time with the new ear, because I didn't get enough volume from it before for it to be useful in situations with the kids, etc. Now that it's getting loud enough that I can actually take the sound I'm getting and combine it with my lipreading skills, I think I'm going to try working it out by itself for an hour or so every day. The improvement today has made me so excited and has inspired me to try harder!
It's been a crazy week...we have some dear friends who are dealing with personal struggles, I've been back and forth a lot (going to Nashville again tomorrow, in fact...I'm about ready to move there!), and now Ellie is acting like she has the flu. The CDC says that flu hasn't hit Tennessee yet, so I'm not positive...will wait and see how she's doing tomorrow :).
I DO plan to write on the ALDA convention...I didn't mean to get this far behind! :)

Don't try this at home!

2008-11-07T12:04:00.002-06:00

My eight-year old, Claire, asked me before I left for Chicago if I would eat lunch with her at school one day. I promised her that I would when I got home, so yesterday I kept my word. When I arrived at the school I was seated at the visitors' table, which coincidentally is the hooligan table...the table where the troublemakers sit. One particularly adorable little hooligan was sitting beside me and I kind of had my back to him, talking to Claire and her cousin Alexis, who were sitting across from me. Claire told me once, "I don't think they know you're deaf"...apparently, they were talking to me and I wasn't hearing them. So I turned around and the little one next to me had his shirt pulled up, navel exposed, in an effort to entertain me. I kinda rolled my eyes and turned back around. A few seconds later I felt a poke at my shoulder and turned around to find him waggling his tongue at me. I got out a half-hearted grin and turned back to the girls. Another poke a few seconds later, and he had his eyes rolled back in his head.
At this point I decided that action was called for...and I borrowed a clean fork from Claire and placed it against the side of my head...where it stuck. I had it at a bad angle and it fell off, but I had his attention. I tried it again, a little more balanced this time...and it stayed. His eyes grew to the size of saucers, and he said, "you must have a magnet in there!"
I affirmed that yes, I did...I didn't want him trying it at home, after all...and while I had the attention of the entire bunch I took the opportunity to explain how CIs worked and to teach them the "I Love You" sign (the little boy sitting next to Alexis promptly turned to her with stars in his eyes and flashed the sign like a pro). I told the little one next to me that he was sitting next to a bona fide cyborg, then told him that I needed to eat my lunch. I didn't hear another peep out of him for the rest of the meal...I think I won that contest hands down! ;)

One year ago today...

2008-11-05T21:26:00.003-06:00

I woke up at my friend Shari's house, got dressed, and was at the surgical center in downtown Nashville at 6:30 AM. A couple of hours later, I was out like a light and my newest onboard computer was being installed. I woke up with an earache but it was quickly alleviated by some awesome pain meds and the nurses had me on my feet and out the door ASAP. I felt pretty good...in fact, we drove around Sonic on the way home for lunch.
I recovered quickly...I had a good bit of pain and soreness, but very little vertigo, which was a great thing in my book. Two weeks later I was switched on, and the rest, as they say, is history. I was able to not only hear but hear WELL straight out of the gate, with an incredible 96% speech comprehension in quiet score two weeks after activation. This implant has been incredible...in the past year it has simply given me my life back...plus more. I never dreamed I would hear as well as I do...some days I still hear tiny sounds and think, "I can't believe I'm hearing this!"...actually, MOST days I feel that way :). I can talk on the telephone...I can listen to the radio...I can hear music...I can hear my children talking to me all through the house. I am in awe nearly every single day at my gift of hearing...I definitely don't take this for granted...what a gift!
To all of you at Advanced Bionics...YOU ROCK...you have no idea what you have given me...not just hearing, but so much more...a second chance at life, as it were :). THANK YOU!!!!!
A shout out to my friend Wayne Roorda as well...BigBear, as many know him, had his bilateral surgery today! He seems to be recovering amazingly well...no pain at all, and feeling great! I am so thrilled for him!! :)

A busy week ahead!

2008-10-25T22:15:00.003-05:00

Sorry I haven't updated in entirely too long. It has just been so busy here! I'll try to keep it brief (BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!) and just sort of let you know what's been going on!
My newest ear is staying busy. I still don't get a lot of volume with it, but I am wearing it faithfully...if I have on one ear, I have on the other. I don't have much comprehension with it, but I have faith that that will come in time. I'm used to the two of them together now...I don't have the stress of having two sounds coming from two different areas anymore...they work together, which is awesome! I go for my next mapping on Nov. 5th, but don't expect a lot of huge changes, since things are sounding pretty good now :).
*I* am staying busy...I'm leaving Tuesday for Chicago, and have been trying frantically to get everything done before I leave! I finally bought me a winter coat last night. I have put it off for several years...I am not a coat person. I like sweaters and layers but can't stand being bundled in something heavy. However, after being told repeatedly that I would need a coat in Chicago, I found one at Wal-Mart that will do the trick! Thanks to all of you who supported Abbie to go to the ALDA convention. Not only is she going, but we are going to be roommates. There was actually a big mix-up about roommates, and I found out two weeks ago that I didn't even HAVE a roommate (we actually had to call to confirm that I still had a ROOM...a big mix-up!). I asked ALDA if they would put Abbie and me together if she was able to go, and it worked out perfectly. You KNOW there will be pictures! :)
I don't know if I have mentioned it on this blog, but I am the chairperson for the Local Host Committee for the 2009 HLAA convention here in Nashville. I really kinda consider myself just the co-chair, because I have some AWESOME help and they know more about this kind of thing than I do :). We have started having monthly meetings about the best way to get publicity, delegating who's doing what, etc., and our first one was this past week. We had a great turnout of volunteers and a really good brainstorming session. The national HLAA office is doing all the actual convention work...our job is to spread the word as much as we possibly can and roll out the welcome wagon when the convention gets here! :)
Might as well get some free publicity here! Here is the link to all things convention. If you want to present, information is there for presenters. Hotel and registration information is all there. Registration is cheapest before Dec. 31st. If you want more information than is shown here, please ask and I'll try to get it for you! :)
I am still taking my ASL classes on Tuesday nights. I really love them and have learned SO much! I will miss this week's class as I will be in Chicago by the time class starts, hopefully. The next class will be a Silent Dinner at a mall in Nashville and we will have an opportunity to get together with native ASL users and talk to them and learn from them! It will be on my hubby's birthday so I have asked him to come along with me...we'll go vote, have dinner, and then muddle through a night of signing together :)! (Hubby gets a new president for his birthday this year! What a treat!) ASL 1 will be over the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I do plan to take ASL 2 if it's on a night I can go...I am really enjoying learning it. I make a lot of mistakes, occasionally some really funny ones...but I'm getting there!
If you're a person with hearing loss between the ages of 18-35, please go check out HearingLossNation. This is a new website that has been started by HLAA geared specifically towards young adults! The site has been up and running for several weeks now and we are trying to build membership now. I am TECHNICALLY too old for the "Young Adult" program but they are pretending not to notice for now, since I'm enthusiastic about helping them get it started :). If you've never joined HLAA, no matter what your age, it's a great organization...check it out. However, since more hearing loss is more common and therefore more accepted among mature adults, teenagers and young adults often feel much more isolated and different from their hearing peers. HLAA is trying to establish a community for young adults to hang out and get to know each other better and share their stories and experiences. Check it out! :)
Also, I thought this was noteworthy: (copied from HLAA's E-News)

"HLAA Members Lynn Rousseau and Cindy Dyer will be honored with the Oticon's 2008 Focus on People Awards in Denver, October 24, 2008. The awards are given annually to people with hearing loss who are voted exceptional among their peers.

Lynn Rousseau, Gainsville, Florida, won first place in the advocacy category for her work with HLA-Florida.

Cindy Dyer, Alexandria, Virginia, won first place in the Adult Category for her achievements in the field of photography and graphic design. Cindy is the graphic designer/photographer for Hearing Loss Magazine."

I got to meet Lynn when I went to Florida for the Walk4Hearing...and I am a huge fan of Cindy's blog. She is the one that took Abbie's pictures for the Hearing Loss Magazine...and her work is phenomenal! Check out her blog and congratulate her...tell her I sent you!!

Fall has definitely arrived in Middle Tennessee...I have been going through winter hand-me-downs, washing, shopping for necessities. I have GOT to take the girls shoe shopping when I get back from Chicago...they need new Sunday shoes. I love this time of the year...cool, but not cold...soup and sweater weather! It IS hard to get out of bed in the mornings but I swapped out our regular sheets for the flannel ones today and, while that won't make getting up any easier, it will sure be cozy sleeping at night!
OK...that's all I can think of for now...headed to bed! Will try to post from Chicago...if I don't manage to pull that off I'll fill you in when I get back! :)
Love you all! :)

Can you help?

2008-10-07T08:59:00.001-05:00

The end of this month I am planning to be in Chicago for the Association of Late Deafened Adults (ALDA) conference. I have wanted to check out ALDA for over a year now and had a rare opportunity given to me this year...I obtained a scholarship and my expenses are all paid. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't be able to go. I am so grateful for the opportunity...these conferences are a gold mine of information and support. The workshops are SO educational and informative and the support and encouragement of being around people who have stood in our shoes and understand where we're coming from is just out of this world.
I love these conventions, but they're pricey. I actually went to work at Wal-Mart last fall to fund this summer's HLAA convention without taking any money from my family's pockets. Nobody ever complained about the money I spent on it...but I just didn't want to take my family's vacation money or the like just for ME...I would have felt too selfish. I felt that every hour I spent at Wal-Mart was worth it because I knew that the convention would be such a huge payoff for me...the boost I get from being with people that "get it" is just unreal. When I found out that I had been chosen for one of ALDA's all-expenses-paid newcomer scholarships, I was ecstatic...what a great gift!!!
Abbie over at Chronicles of a Bionic Woman is trying to raise funds to go to this same conference. Abbie wants to go for many of the same reasons I do...to be encouraged and to encourage...but Abbie goes a step farther...she shares what she learns with us back at home. I've said before that of the Jen/Abbie duo, Abbie is the brains of the operation...she is able to break down some of the complicated information presented at conventions and bring it home and share it with the rest of us. She has posted on various topics on her blog such as Bluetooth technology, phone compatibility ratings, Web CapTel, and various bits of ADA information that I just can't wrap my brain around. She doesn't just take in this information for herself...she is out to share what she knows and help make the world a little easier for the deaf/hard of hearing people around her. Her blog is not only a fun read, but a wealth of information. She contributes so much to the deaf/hard of hearing world around her...and now we have a chance to give back! She is trying to raise 1,000.00 to cover her expenses to the ALDA convention...so far she is over halfway there. Her goal is to have it all by October 13th...we have a few more days...we can do it!!

Two out of three ain't bad :)

2008-09-27T21:59:00.002-05:00

I got one video done Thursday night, and one done today. I would have gotten more done but I have had computer issues....grrrrrrrr. I have a brand new laptop that has been coughing and spitting and crashing all day today...ugh. I will try to get the third one up in the next few days...but I am not promising anything :)
For now...enjoy the first two! :)

YouTube videos are up!...

2008-09-26T23:42:00.002-05:00

...here!

I have the first one captioned, and am working on the other two. I will try to get them posted here tomorrow night :).
I had my second map today. We set my first program at Hi-Res P, Fidelity 120...my second program was just a louder version of the first. Then I asked Susan to set my third program at Hi-Res S in hopes that a simpler program with less stimulation would be easier to adapt to, and when she started setting the levels on it I was surprised at how much better it was. We got to looking and it turns out that entirely by accident, we had set the programming at 50/50...which means that half of the sound was coming in through my T-mic and half of it was coming through the external mic on the implant itself. That has turned out to be MUCH easier to listen to, and we were actually able to increase my overall volume using that. Katie was in the bedroom tonight talking to her cousin Bethany on the phone and, just using the new ear, I was able to make out a few words here and there. I am thrilled! Not bad at all for 48 hours out! :)
The hardest part has been adjusting to the whole bilateral business. I had gotten used to the way my good ear sounded, and combining the two is taking a bit of doing. Factoring in that the two ears sound different, that it's been thirty years since my brain has worked two ears at the same time, and that one of my ears doesn't work exactly like the other one does, it has occasionally been overwhelming. Today I actually had some balance issues after my mapping...if I took one ear off, or turned my good ear down, I would get unbalanced...it was the strangest feeling! I had heard of people having balance issues with cochlear implants, but since I've never had them before, it had never occurred to me that I would. After being reassured that it was normal, I quit stressing over it and am just muddling my way through. I did take a long nap this afternoon...without ears...and woke up feeling a lot better. I had forgotten how discombobulated I felt the first few days with my good ear...I am feeling it with this one, too...and this time we're trying to work two at once. I may take a lot of naps in the next few days!
As far as the sensations I feel (and yes, DJ, I hear sounds with them, they're not just feelings) here's the odd thing: I only feel them when I wear the new ear alone. When I'm wearing it with the good ear, I don't feel them. This is SO totally different from the first time around when I couldn't wear the two ears together at all. I don't have another map for about another week and a half...so I will have time to adjust to what I have now. I am doing lots of listening therapy...I just love the Direct Connect cables. I plug right into the laptop and can listen to books on CD or music with no outside interference...it's so nice!
Will try to get those captioned videos up soon...watch this space! :)

Surrounded by sound!

2008-09-24T21:59:00.004-05:00

Sorry it's taken me so long to get this post up. We went to lunch after activation and when I got home I started working on the video. That has been largely unsuccessful so far...the model of Handycam that we borrowed isn't compatible with Windows Vista (I am stating for the record that I hate Vista, argh) so I had to go kick the old laptop into shape, install the Handycam drivers on it, and upload video. The first time I did it it saved it into a movie the size of a postage stamp, which wasn't exactly what I had in mind, so now I am doing it again, and it is taking ALL. NIGHT. LONG. to do.
Then we all got ready for dinner, went out to dinner at our local Mexican restaurant and then went to church. Back home now, waiting on the video to upload, still. I will have to get it off that computer and over here on this one where I can edit it a bit in Windows Movie Maker and upload it to YouTube. Did I mention already that I hate Windows Vista? I can't even make my laptop file share or printer share. For crying out loud!
We got to Vanderbilt right on time this morning, and Susan was fairly busy so we ended up not getting back there until around 9:45. I had been furnished with a new processor, new coil, and new batteries, so that was a real treat...the only problem that we had was that AB had sent two processors, and in return they wanted me to send back the original left ear processor AND my beloved right ear processor, which I wasn't giving up, no way, no how. It was a mixup of some sort, obviously, so Susan got on the phone with them and sorted all that out, and then we got to work.
It was actually a little confusing when she started the tones...because I actually heard them before I felt them. I wasn't really sure if I was feeling anything until they started getting louder, and then I could feel the sensation. I wasn't too surprised at it...I had expected to feel something. It was nothing at all like the first activation when I only felt sensation and heard nothing. We went through the rest of the tones and I felt something with every one of them...again, not surprising. I was delighted that they had a nice sound quality to them though!
Then came the actual turn-on...I braced myself for the shock but it wasn't as bad as I was afraid it would be. I definitely felt the sound but Susan's voice was also coming through really well. We discussed it for a few seconds and then she said, "let me try something". I am not sure what she did...but with a few clicks she managed to eliminate nearly all of the sensation I had at that particular volume (several sounds had NO sensation at all...I tested them out by banging stuff on the desk in my own little personal science project, which was highly entertaining, apparently ;)). Then I told her to raise the volume, and the sensation came back, so she clicked again, and most of it dropped out again.
This is a HUGE contrast to the way it was before...before we took the first implant out, AB actually sent a rep to do integrity testing and he and Susan slaved over that ear for the better part of an hour, trying this program strategy and that, and never managed to make so much as a dent in the sensation. I have long accepted that for me to have been deaf as long as I have, a little sensation might be there at first that might take some getting used to...but what I had before was completely overwhelming. It got to the point that I chose to spend the vast majority of my time in total quiet rather than to wear the processor. This isn't that way...as of today I have some "normal" sounds that don't have an accompanying sensation. Granted, I have a very quiet program...my audiogram today looked to be in around the 70 dB level...but I am delighted to have real sounds! My own voice has no sensation at all, which hasn't ever happened before. It looks like I'll be starting small and working my way up, but I am THRILLED to be where I am now...this is a great starting place.
I actually wasn't able to wear the two ears together before...because they were so different. I couldn't handle the sensation on one side and sound on the other, so I gave up the sensation in favor of sound. I've worn the two together all day long today, and besides a slight headache, I have had no problems. Everything seems much LOUDER today...and everything just sounds different. The sounds I have coming in on the right and left sides don't match up very well and it is SO hard to get used to! I know in a few days the brain will blend the two together a little better and I won't even notice the differences...but right now I can :). I am sitting now hooked up to the laptop with two ears hooked up to two direct connect cables on the laptop (it has two headphone jacks...bonus!). I'm listening to John Denver singing "Looking For Space" on YouTube and marveling at how it sounds EXACTLY like I remember it (granted, I'm hearing most of it through one ear!) and trying to refrain from singing out loud (my people are all asleep and would not appreciate my efforts!). I am jumping in with both feet...I know that this time things are going to be different and I am going to do everything I can to make it work this time. I am determined...I am going to be bilateral...I want to be surrounded by sound!
OK...now that I have the video on the computer...YouTube is down...ugh! I'll get it up ASAP...promise :)
More posting soon!

Eight hours......

2008-09-24T01:16:00.003-05:00

...yeah, yeah, I know I should be asleep...but I'm hyper. Eight more hours and we'll know...one way or another. It's anyone's guess what I'll hear...pray for me!
I'll update as soon as I'm able...and we will video the whole thing, so stay tuned...perhaps this time I'll be able to figure out how to upload video a little faster than I did last time! :)
Eight hours...after almost two years of wondering and waiting, the clock's ticking down. I hope I'll be able to sleep at all tonight...

Quick update....

2008-09-20T11:44:00.003-05:00

(you know me well enough to know this will be another epic, right?)
Five more days until activation...*whew*. I'm quite frankly a basket case about it...this could go either way. We will tape it, and I'll probably post it no matter what the results are, although how fast I do it depends on how quickly I remember how to upload it from the camera :).
Interesting side note...I was briefly concerned as to whether or not we might have issues getting to activation! A rumor started yesterday that Nashville would run out of gas this weekend...and people were lined up six and seven deep at pumps last night...in some areas cars were parked on the road in line. I think that most of the stations here in town are either low or out of all but the premium stuff, and more isn't expected for another couple of days. We tried to get a little last night for our monster van and the BP down the street was rationing it...eight gallons to a customer! It is just insane! Our little car is full and we very rarely drive the van much during the week...so we are good to go...no worries here!
Our second ASL class on Tuesday was just as much fun as the first...this time everyone got a little more relaxed and we got to know each other a bit better. We actually stood around and talked a bit afterwards and just had fun hanging out. This coming Tuesday we're supposed to go up to the League in downtown Nashville for a project set up by the Deaf community called, "Deaf, Deaf World". Talking is strictly prohibited...sign only! You know how hard that will be for me!?!? Very limited sign vocabulary and a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig mouth...perhaps I should tape my lips together?
OK...a couple of items of interest: First up: Got a funny story about your hearing loss/deaf/CI adventures? Val Blakely and Rachel Chaikhof are teaming up and putting together a book...proceeds to go charity. Go here to read more! Believe it or not, I can't think of a single funny story, although I know there have to be millions of them. Maybe my hubby, kids, or mom can help me remember! Deadline is Sept. 30th...so hurry!

And this from Brenda Battat, director of HLAA:

"In our Labor Day mailing to you about how frustrating air travel can be, it looks like we hit a hot button! Many of you wrote back complaining about lack of access. People told us stories about missing announcements at gates, missing their plane, or missing on board announcements that would have saved them from missing their connections. Some people are so frustrated they are ready to sue.

Well, we hear you! We are working with the US Department of Transportation (DOT) who tell us they are not receiving enough complaints. They think people with hearing loss are doing just fine with the airlines. Let’s send them a message and let’s make it loud and clear so they can hear us!"

There was a form attached to the e-mail to register your complaints with the DOT, but I couldn't figure out how to attach it to Blogger, so here is the next best thing: the official DOT form. I have only flown alone a handful of times, and haven't yet had any trouble. Thanks to a tip from Laurie, when I fly alone I go to the counter and ask for a pre-boarding pass for people with disablities. That way I am guaranteed that I can get a seat where I can see the flight attendant and hear what she's saying. I do tell the attendants that I'm deaf in the event that something urgent comes up, but I haven't ever had a problem.
HLAA has a webpage that deals with airlines and advocacy, but it seems to be down, so when they get it back up and running I'll post it :)
My Claire has a birthday today...eight years old...and we are taking her out for her birthday tonight. She is in love with my iPod Shuffle so I got her her own little mp3 player...pink! We asked her where she wanted to go and she picked Red Lobster. Expensive tastes that little girl has! :)
Gonna get off here and get ready...have a great weekend, all! :)

ASL Classes...Part 1!

2008-09-09T22:34:00.002-05:00

I took SEE (Signed Exact English) waaaaay back in 197something when I was a little bitty thing. There wasn't a lot of need for me to use it, as I could hear well enough with my hearing aid to get by in a mainstream school environment (if I remember right, I didn't even get a teacher's aide until second grade). Signing is one of those "use-it-or-lose-it" things...very easy to get rusty...and it is an ever-evolving language as well. Years of neglect has made me way past rusty...I had forgotten all but the most basic signs. I've had an interest for a couple of years now in re-learning and have even picked up a couple of books on the subject. I have learned quite a few signs from Deaf and hard-of-hearing friends and it has just made me interested in learning more. I couldn't take the ASL 1 class last year because of a scheduling conflict, so I was thrilled when it fell on a Tuesday night this year...I am totally free on those nights :).
Tonight was the first class, and I am going to love this. There's the teacher, nine women, and one boy that looks to be around 20ish or so (definitely outnumbered). Two mothers with CI kids, one grandmother of a CI child (although she doesn't look old enough to be a grandmother!) and quite a few teachers' aides for a local school make up the bulk of the class. There are a handful that are there just because they want to learn the language, but most of us have a connection to someone who is deaf and/or hard of hearing and are working on communication skills. I am the only deaf member of the class...so that will be kinda interesting :).
We talked about the history of ASL...the different kinds of sign (SEE, cued speech, Pidgin Sign, etc), syntax, customs, body language, etc. We learned quite a few signs, but mostly we just covered it from an informative point of view tonight. We have a good group...everyone loosened up fast and we all had a good time...and I am looking forward to the next nine classes!
I really think we have a good teacher...Jackie started learning ASL in 1992, I believe she said, and has a college degree in it. She works for a video relay operator as an interpreter, so she has had a lot of experience and is just a gold mine of information. She will occasionally take a sign from the book (a newer edition is coming out this month, I believe) and say, "that's not how they sign it now...here's the short form" or something to that effect, and I like that. I know it will take me a long, long time to get either fluent or really comfortable with it...but I feel like she wants to help us get a really good grasp on it so our communication skills will be the best they can be.
This class ended up being my birthday present to me this year...I turned 37 today. It was a great way to spend the night. It is in a small town outside of Nashville that has nothing but a Sonic, but y'all know me...Sonic is all I need, really :).
The new ear is still healing great...I sleep on it all night, every night, stitches and all, and no pain. The incision occasionally gets kinda sore and the skin over the implant gets tender occasionally...since he moved it up it's taking a bit of getting used to again, but that won't last long :).
Off to bed...night, all! :)

A first!

2008-09-06T11:42:00.004-05:00

This morning I woke up late...entirely too much so, honestly. It's dark and cloudy outside and the weather was just right for sleeping. Usually, that's a bad thing...my morning headache is always worse than usual when I sleep like that. However, this morning I woke up with NO HEADACHE AT ALL...and I was sleeping on my new ear when I opened my eyes!!
The past few nights I've tried sleeping on the new ear but I think that fear more than anything kept me from it. Last night I was laying on my "good" side and was NOT sleeping well...when suddenly I realized that I had just flipped over and was sleeping on the new ear. I panicked a bit at first...and had to think about it for a second...was I in pain? how did it feel? and then realized that it felt fine...no worries...back to sleep!
So it's healing well on the outside, which is a great thing in and of itself. However, the really big thing here is that I wasn't able to sleep on that ear before surgery without pain and headaches! This is huge! I have already told several people that as far as I'm concerned, this surgery is a huge success, because when I touch my ear, it feels like a perfectly normal ear...for the first time in two years. No pain, no pressure, no anything. I was actually really lucky this time in that I had very little swelling (the magnet from my good CI sticks to the magnet site already), no numbness, no facial nerve stuff, no taste disturbances. The newness will wear off in a few days, I'm sure, but I keep touching that ear, expecting, I think, that something will happen and it will be like it was before, but no...this time around, it's different. That was the main reason I went through it all again. The discomfort the first time around drove me absolutely up the wall, and at one point I just wanted it OUT...I didn't care if they replaced it or not...I would have been happy if they had just taken it out. I had a hard time asking for help though, because I thought that most of it was just me. Ever heard the old story of the Princess and the Pea?
Well, I'm one of those people that are sensitive to almost everything, I'm not sure I could feel a pea under twenty mattresses...maybe a couple, though ;). Things bother me that the next person's not even going to notice. I thought that I was just going to have to deal with it until I had my second ear done and they were SO different that I knew the first one could be improved on. And the improvement is amazing...there is no comparison between the way it was before and the way it is now.
I am STILL refusing to get my hopes up that activation will be different than it was before. A couple of people have told me to "think positive" and "be optimistic" but I prefer to be realistic. I didn't have hearing in that ear for years. We know for sure that there was no hearing from the time I was four years old and onward, and the loss might have started even before then. The brain just wires itself differently sometimes over long periods of time. If I do get hearing this time around instead of sensation, believe me, I will be the happiest person on the planet, but I am not setting myself up for that. Instead, I've decided that this time I'm going to try my hardest to push through it. I have a new inspiration...a 14-year old girl named Amanda. Amanda had never had any hearing at all when she was implanted at age 14. When she was first activated, she only had twitching in her eye...no sound at all. That would have been enough to make me throw in the towel the very first day...ugh, I could not have stood that at all...but she managed to stick with that and she is now hearing some sounds with no sensations. Granted, my brain's a lot older than hers is, but she has inspired me to try harder to work with unfavorable circumstances. My attitude is a bit different this time around...my primary motivation was to get the pain out of my head, and that has been accomplished...I am THRILLED with that!!! Anything beyond that will just be icing on the cake!
I will need to really set a plan of action and stick with it...as I've mentioned before, I have a very low tolerance for uncomfortable things...but I want to make this work if there's any way I can do it.
I LOVE my new ear! At one week post-op...I can say that I'm SO GLAD I did it again! It has already been worth it! :)

Brain dead!

2008-09-02T14:45:00.002-05:00

...that's how I feel :). These pills that I'm on have slowed my brain down to a crawl. The past few days I haven't done much besides sleep, play on the computer, and read...anything requiring serious concentration has been out! I took the pills faithfully for a few days...the first day I fell asleep and let the medication run out and was sorry when I woke up in a lot of pain. I resolved then to just take them as prescribed and not feel bad about it. The first few days were really rough...somehow or another, my "good" CI ear got banged or scratched or SOMETHING during the process, and it was too sore to sleep on, so I didn't have a "good side"...I ended up trying to sleep flat on my back every night those first few nights, and that was tough. Last night was the first night that the "good" CI side was comfortable enough for me to sleep on it...and I crashed hard...slept for about 11 hours straight! I am not feeling the need for a nap today :)!
Taking the turban off was WONDERFUL...it took the pressure off and everything felt SO much better! I didn't take a good look at the incision until about 24 hours later, though, when I washed the hair for the first time...it looks identical to the way it did the first time around. He apparently didn't even bother preserving hair this time...he shaved himself a nice little landing strip on my head. I whined a bit to several of my CI buddies but am getting no sympathy from any of them, as they all think I got off entirely too lightly with my last surgery, when Dr. Haynes didn't shave anything at all!
The incision itself isn't too painful...the bony area around it and my neck are bruised and battered a bit, though, and that's where all the soreness comes in. When I took the turban off at 24 hours post-op, the swelling started...at 48 hours the side of my face was just huge and it stayed like that for probably a couple of days. Yesterday it was better, and today the swelling's gone. I still have some bruising behind the ear and the stitches are still visible, but other than that everything looks relatively normal. The site of the implant itself is incredibly itchy, for some reason. I have had a lot of issues with itching...painkillers seem to do that to me as a matter of routine...but most of it has settled down except for that area that houses the implant. I am assuming that it's because of the skin stretching and everything healing in there, but it makes me nuts. Abbie suggested that I get an ice pack for it, and that helped a lot...as long as it's cold, it doesn't itch. Dr. Haynes left a couple of stitches out this time where I could obsess over them...I think he is testing my patience. So far I have been able to keep my hands off them...I'm afraid of messing something up. We'll see how long that lasts! With my first CI surgery there were stitches all up and down that ear and I finally had to cut my fingernails so I'd leave them alone...they were just too much temptation.
Family and friends have been bringing dinner and hubby has been making sure I have everything I need, so it's been nice to just be able to relax. I'll probably get out for church tomorrow night...that will be the first time I've gotten out all week. I have been lucky not to have any really bad vertigo this time...I just get a bit unsteady when I first get up, but after that I'm good to go :). I still get tired very easily, but a lot of that has been due to not sleeping well...and the pain pills...once I get off those and get into a more regular sleeping pattern I think I'll feel a lot better!
Activation is Sept. 24th at 9 AM...three weeks from tomorrow! I have mixed emotions about it...but I'm mostly looking forward to it...it will be interesting and informative, for sure :).
OK...enough drugged drivel...thank you all for all your support and well-wishes over the past few days! Your comments have meant so much and have cheered me up tremendously! I love you all! ((hugs))

On the road to recovery! :)

2008-08-29T18:58:00.002-05:00

I would have updated sooner, but last night after the surgery I was just about unconscious. I went to the pre-surgery holding room around 1 and went through all the routine questions, the bloodwork, the IV, the oh-so-adorable compression stockings. Around 1:50 they informed me that Dr. Haynes was in the building and started pushing my bed towards the OR. The anesthesiologist was walking beside me carrying a syringe, and I asked him, "Did you already put that in?" and he answered, "yep, sure did". I told him, "Funny, I thought it worked faster than that!" and he just grinned. About five seconds later, he turned around and said, "Now it's gonna work!" and right when he said that, my arms and legs turned icy and then my brain went numb. I laughed and said, "Yep...it's working". I remember him wheeling me into the OR and seeing a machine with letters on it. They allowed me to keep my processor on all the way into the OR, and the last thing I heard them say was "Breathe into this mask". I heard them say it, though...cool!!
The surgery started around 2:30 and I was out by 4:30. Apparently I slept all the way through recovery and all the way upstairs to the room I was in. The first time I remember waking up I asked hubby what time it was and he said "6:20". I told him that I was in a lot of pain, and told him we needed to get home...HearingJourney has a CI chat every Thursday night, and my muddy brain determined that I should be there at all costs. About that time the nurse shot my IV up with morphine and I was out like a light again. I woke up around 7 and told him that we REALLY NEEDED TO GO HOME. He said, "Are you ready to go? to which I responded, "let me sleep another five minutes" and crashed again. Then I woke up at 7:40, and this time managed to stay awake long enough to throw clothes on, be violently ill, and climb into a wheelchair for the ride to the car. I told hubby to stop and get me a drink somewhere (I had a Sprite during one of my alert moments, but was too sleepy to enjoy it or find the straw without help). I suggested that he stop down the road a bit, since downtown Nashville traffic can be crazy...then I fell asleep again. I woke up at the Sonic in Murfreesboro long enough to order a Mocha Java Chiller, but fell asleep AGAIN with it in one hand and my BlackBerry in the other. Every now and then someone would send a text message and the buzzing would wake me up. I'd get a drink and then peer groggily at the BB to see who the messages were from, but I literally could not read 'em...too zonked. When we got home I realized while getting out of the car that the Java Chiller wasn't meant to stay with me...ugh! It still wasn't as bad as it was after my first surgery...I was sick nearly non-stop for several hours that time...but this time I was loaded up on Antivert, a scopolamine patch, and Zofran...so I had at least a LITTLE help...it could have been much worse!!
I had intended to visit the HearingJourney chat room as soon as I got home, but instead I crawled into bed, jeans and all, and went to sleep again. I woke up around 11 looking for medication, then took some and headed back to sleep. I tossed and turned all night long...the surgery was done on the ear that I usually sleep on, AND the turban I was wearing was so tight that it was making my other CI ear very sore. The best way for me to sleep with no pain was flat on my back...but I can't sleep that way! I finally woke up around 9 this morning and have spent the day taking it easy, playing on the computer, reading magazines, eating chocolate and DRINKING COFFEE. I took the headwrap off around 7 PM...it was SO TIGHT that it was really adding to the whole pain thing. I felt better almost immediately. My hair looks absolutely horrible, though! I was allowed to wash it after 48 hours last time. I forgot to ask him how long I should wait this time, but I'm going to wait until it's been at least the full 48 before I do anything.
I have just a little vertigo, not much...the pain has settled down a bit since the turban came off. The surgeon said that he didn't see anything wrong with the previous one when he took it out...but he told hubby that he thought that giving it another shot was the thing to do as sometimes a reimplant changes things regardless of the problem. He told me yesterday morning that he was moving it up higher on my head as well...it was a bit lower than the other one and I had problems with the processor rubbing on it when I was still wearing it. I haven't dared to really try to find it just yet...there's a big knot on my head but I don't feel like messing with it right now :).
I was so groggy the early part of today that I couldn't write anything...I had a horrible time typing, because my fingers, eyes and brain were not working together at all! Think they're slowly starting to play nice again now that all the post-surgery stuff is washing out.
I'm posting some pictures in the Picasa Web Albums...check them out! :) Some of them are BAD...I simply COULD NOT stay awake! I'll probably post more over the next day or so...stay tuned!
Thanks for the prayers and well wishes and all the cups of coffee consumed on my behalf yesterday! It meant so much to have you all behind me! Again, I apologize for not posting sooner...I intended to do it last night but I couldn't even type an e-mail...too zonked!
I love you all! :)

Counting down the hours....

2008-08-27T16:01:00.001-05:00

...until re-implant surgery. Right now, it's just a little less than 24 hours to go. I have to be in Nashville at 8:20 for a pre-op appointment, then drive over to Baptist Hospital for my surgery at 2. This will make my third venue for as many surgeries...I am slowly becoming familiar with every hospital in town! ;)
I saw Dr. Haynes last night at an open house for the Nashville League for the Deaf/Hard of Hearing and talked to him for a few. I asked him if he thought the surgery would be shorter because he wouldn't have as much drilling to do, and to my surprise he said that he didn't think it would be much different time-wise. He said that because of scar tissue, possible bone regrowth, and the time to actually remove the implant, it would work out about the same. I don't remember exactly how long it took last time (I was zonked when I woke up) but seems like it was about 3 hours or so. I will try to at least post something letting everyone know I'm home, but since it will be later in the day I imagine I'll be ready to hit the sheets when I get home! If something goes crazy I'll get my husband to contact either Abbie or Laurie...so if I don't post anything, check out their blogs :).
The Open House was neat...the League has a new CEO and it was great to get to see her again and talk to her, even if it was just for a short period of time...she had so many people to talk to!
While I was talking to Dr. Haynes, I got called away briefly, and when I turned back around, I did a double take...he was talking to a really special blast from my past. Ann Sitton was my very first full-time audiologist. I might have seen another one here or there at the very beginning, but Ann was the one that I saw on all my visits to the Bill Wilkerson Clinic in Nashville...when I was four years old. Ann was the first one to read me the classic "hot dog", "baseball", "sidewalk" and "cupcake".
"Miss Sitton" made all my earmolds and ordered all my hearing aids and I just LOVED her. She hasn't changed a bit, although I personally have gotten quite a bit taller since then. When I started losing the rest of my hearing back in March of 2006 I had my mom call her to see if she approved of our local audiologist's recommendation that we should get Dr. Haynes to implant me...and she heartily approved, which made my decision that much easier. I hadn't seen her in probably 14 years...the last time I saw her was when Will was a year old and I needed a new hearing aid. Soon after that we got a local audiologist and I didn't need to make the drive to Nashville anymore. It was GREAT to see her and catch up just a bit...Dr. Haynes filled her in on the implant situation and I got to talk to her a bit about my involvement with Advanced Bionics and HLAA.

Speaking of which, last night I got to spend some time with two awesome people from the HLAA national office! Nancy Macklin and Chris Sutton are in town checking out the Gaylord Opryland Hotel for the 2009 HLAA convention! I met Chris in Reno but had never met Nancy before. I went to the hotel to meet them and we hit it off right away. After a few minutes of visiting and "horsing around" (there is a picture to go with that...but it's not on my camera) and walking through the ENORMOUS HOTEL we located my car (it was in a no-park zone so we were relieved it was where I left it) and got in the car and headed for the League. Nancy and Chris got an impromptu tour of I-24 East...I took a wrong turn somewhere and was headed back towards my house for several miles before I realized my mistake! We all enjoyed a good laugh over that and then turned around and headed back the other way. We have nominated me "Person Who Should Not Drive The Airport Shuttle Bus" at next year's convention. Honestly, I even got lost in the hotel, so I suspect I will need my own personal tour guide at the convention. I wonder if they would pay for me to spend a few days there at the hotel getting the lay of the land a bit?
Nancy and Chris went to the League open house with me, then we and several of the Nashers went to Logan's for dinner. We ended up staying there until around 11 talking about convention stuff! Then I drove Nancy and Chris back to the hotel and headed home. I am SO looking forward to working with them over the next year and seeing them at the convention in June! :)
About to hop in the shower, then it's off to Mexican and church...then to drink that last cup of coffee before bed. Nothing to eat or drink after midnight...*sigh*. Thanks SO MUCH to all of you who have commented here, e-mailed, or posted on HearingJourney.com...I have such an incredible support system. I'm VERY grateful in particular to my family and to Laurie, Abbie, Sam, and Gloria...they listened to my concerns and encouraged me to try again...without them I might still be trying to get up the nerve to do it! Will catch you all on the other side...love you all!!

2008-08-21T12:39:00.001-05:00

Weekend at Abbie's! :)

2008-08-19T18:03:00.007-05:00

I took a little trip over the weekend...to New Jersey! I had been really missing Abbie and my hubby kindly suggested that I go visit her. He didn't have to ask me twice :). We started planning this trip about a month ago but it took this long to find the right weekend...we had church activities, Katie's birthday, the beginning of the school year, and the Nashville HLAA elections filling up the last few weekends. We settled on the date and on July 28th I ordered my plane tickets! :D
I got to Philadelphia Friday afternoon around 3:30 and by the time I had located baggage claim (thanks to the kindness of strangers) and located my bag Abbie texted me to say that she was just around the corner from the airport. She pulled up in that incredible inedible eco-egg of hers and we had ourselves a hug party right there before throwing the bags into the trunk.
She took me on a brief tour of South Philly (with doors locked and bated breath) then we got on the freeway and headed for Cherry Hill, NJ. We met Wayne Roorda and his wife Lili for dinner at the Mandarin Buffet there. The buffet was huge and I lost count of how many plates I had and how many fortune cookies Abbie got before settling on the perfect one! We headed home from there and I got to meet Abbie's mom and her wild baby Bella! Bella is an adorable, feisty shih tzu furball who gave me several hours of careful consideration before deciding that I was acceptable company for Abbie...she and I bonded over about half a slice of zucchini bread that I allowed her to confiscate from my plate. Abbie's mom, Abbie and I stayed up way late that night talking and laughing before heading to bed!
Saturday Abbie and I went out to brunch at one of New Jersey's famous diners...can't remember the name of it. I had a hard time choosing what I wanted to eat...I was torn between the omelets with home fries and the french toast...so I ended up with the french toast and a side of home fries. The "side" was ENORMOUS...I probably only ate about half of it...and yummy...I'm a huge hash browns fan :).
After that we headed out to Woodbridge, NJ to the mall there to meet one of our CI buddies and one of my very favorite people, Sam Spritzer. I first met Sam through his blog in the spring of last year. He and Laurie were some of my first buddies to go bilateral and they were some of my biggest cheerleaders, first when I was trying to decide whether to go for the second implant and then when I was going through all my insurance drama. He and Abbie and I got to be good buddies when all of our blogs were listed on the Advanced Bionics blog list last fall and we all joined the HearingJourney family. I've known him so long that when we met for the first time it wasn't at all like meeting a stranger...I knew him on sight and felt immediately almost like he was part of the family. After the initial flurry of greetings and hugs and inadvertedly knocking magnets off (one of the hazards of hugging a CIer), we decided the quietest spot to sit might be outside so we found a comfortable spot and talked for a while, even engaging in some listening therapy with Abbie's Bluetooth (which is really, really cool, and I have decided that I need one). At some point I volunteered the fact that I needed coffee (I actually attempted to sign it but that didn't go so hot) so we headed back in and found the Starbucks. We sat there for so long that it was a wonder they didn't toss us out...then we shopped for a bit. Shopping progress was slow...we actually spent more time trying to watch where we were going than shopping, since it's hard for three deaf people to walk and talk at the same time :). At least it didn't feel awkward...this is the way our lives have always been and we are comfortable with it and can find the humor in it. We finally left Sam in the parking lot outside the mall after making him promise to consider coming to the Nashville convention next year! It was such a great visit...I'm so glad we all managed to get together!
We went out to another Chinese buffet for dinner afterwards but French toast, home fries, and Starbucks were still sitting fairly heavily in my stomach so I couldn't eat much. Abbie's mom and her neighbor Jan came with us and we had a great time sitting and visiting. After a couple of hours of that we dropped off Mom and Jan back at the house and then headed out to Point Pleasant to the boardwalk! I hadn't ever been on a boardwalk before...carnival rides and places to eat and games and lemonade stands :). We skipped all the rides and headed out to the Atlantic. I dropped my bag and my Birks at what looked like a safe distance from the shore (it would have been a disaster if they had been washed out to sea!), rolled up my jeans, and headed into the surprisingly warm water.
It was a special occasion for both of us because neither of us had heard the ocean since our activations. The last time I had been to the ocean I was in possession of one CI with issues and one dead ear...I didn't hear it at all. The time before that, what I heard with a hearing aid was just a roar...all the sounds blended together. This time was different...we could hear the water as it crested and rushed towards the shore...could hear the soft "pshhhh" as it dispersed along the sand and headed back out to the ocean...occasionally, a wave coming in would meet one on the way out and there would be a loud splashing sound as they collided together...that crash was always enough to make me stop talking and turn to look. We could also hear people's voices as they walked on the beach, a few radioactive birds as they flew overhead, and the chirping of Abbie's BlackBerry and a couple of patrol cars back on land :). I had heard the ocean before...but never like this. And to be honest, the last time I heard it, I didn't appreciate it like I do now...I had no idea that soon all the tiny hair cells in my cochlea would be gone...that the one ear I'd depended on for years would soon be useless, hair cells replaced with a shiny curling electrode array. I didn't know how much I was missing until I stood there beside the ocean at Point Pleasant and heard the virtual orchestra of sound...amazing :). It was incredible to be there with Abbie...because she understood exactly what I'd lost, what I'd regained, and everything in between. We kinda joked that anyone else would have been looking at their watches and heading for the car after about ten minutes of listening to water...but we must have been out there about an hour, just taking it all in. This Southern girl gets cold when it gets below 80 degrees at night during the summer, and it was a bit chilly, but we had come prepared with sweaters and the night air felt perfect. We finished our excursion by walking down the boardwalk and purchasing a huge pretzel and large lemonade from a friendly *cough*, polite *cough* vendor before heading back to the car.
The next afternoon, running on mostly coffee and very little sleep, we climbed the Barnegat Bay Lighthouse. By the time we got to the top, we were both too exhausted to do much more than throw ourselves on the railing and huff and puff and admire the view in between gasps. We both made some rash vows to get in shape (I've already forgotten what mine was) and then tottered back down all nearly 300 steps (it was much easier going down but I felt like I had gotten off a merry-go-round when I hit the ground at last!). We never did regain momentum after that...we loaded up with Sonic burgers, with Diet Cherry Limeades (Abbie had never had Sonic before so I got to introduce her to my favorite Southern treat!), and Dunkin' Donuts coffee...to no avail...we were worn out. We headed back to the house and attempted to make conversation but were too dazed to talk. It just seemed too early to go to bed on our LAST NIGHT TOGETHER so we pulled out the laptops and got our synapses firing a bit. We both idly threatened to blog but it was probably a good thing we didn't...it wouldn't have made much sense. We finally agreed at midnight to call it a day.
The next day I had to be at the airport at around 11:30 so we attempted, albeit grudgingly, to get up and moving and out the door. Reluctant to put me back on the plane, we drove at snail speed all the way to the airport, even stopping for coffee, but luck was against us; there was no wait at Dunkin' Donuts, traffic was nonexistent, and we didn't get lost even once...got there in plenty of time. I started sniffling as Abbie pulled away from the curb and sniffled all the way through the check-in and security. I found my gate and got my preboarding pass FOUR MINUTES before boarding...I got preboarding pass, sat down on the floor by the door, and then announced it was time to get on the plane! Good-bye, Jersey...I miss ya already! :)
I miss Abbie terribly already...the Nashville convention seems so far away! I'm so grateful that we live in an age where we can stay in touch with IM and our phones...the distance between us doesn't seem quite so far :). It was hard leaving that girl...when she asked if I'd consider letting her adopt me as a pet and perhaps we could raise my kids via webcam, I had to choose between laughing and crying and the laughing only lasted about a second before the tears took over! it was a great weekend...one I won't ever forget! :)

Wow!

2008-08-11T10:53:00.003-05:00

I really, really, really didn't realize that it had been that long since I posted anything until last week. Then I noted the date of that last post and thought, "wow...too long!" I had a few things that I wanted to wait about before I posted, so I decided to just hold out.
First of all, surgery is confirmed for the 28th...I have all the paperwork and everything. I have to be there at like 8:30 in the morning but the surgery is not until 2. I can't believe I will have to be coffee- and food-deprived for so long...grrrrrr!! Anyway...hard to believe that two weeks from Thursday it will be over and done with....hooray! :)
I spent Thursday night in Nashville with Laurie! She came down for her quarterly Governor's Council meeting and invited me to come stay at the DoubleTree with her. We went to PF Chang's for dinner and then stayed up and talked for a while. I had picked up a brand new Hewlett-Packard laptop on the way there so we played with that for a while...I love a new toy! :). We were IMing with Abbie and she suggested we download ooVoo. After we did that we were up WAY too late...we were having too much fun to go to sleep!!! I went to Laurie's meeting with her on Friday morning. It was at the League for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing in downtown Nashville, and there was a class they were offering that I wanted to take so I signed up for it while I was there. I will be taking Conversational ASL on Tuesday nights starting on Sept. 9th and going through Thanksgiving, I think. I have been wanting to learn it for a long time and last year the schedule didn't work so that I could go....this year, thankfully, it works out fine! The first class will be 12 days after my surgery...I am assuming that I will be driving by that point *crosses fingers*. This is just a Level 1 class...they will offer Level 2 in the spring. I want to learn as much as possible before the HLAA convention next summer!
Saturday was our monthly HLAA meeting. We had the officer elections this month and I was absolutely thrilled to death when they voted me in as president of our group! When they nominated me last month I was so excited about the possibility...especially with the convention being here next summer it will give me so many new opportunities and will introduce me to so many great new people. HLAA is trying to get more young people involved in the organization and is trying to make next year's convention more "youth-friendly". I'm a member of a group that was put together by HLAA to try to reach out to young adults. Funny thing is that I'm technically too old to be one of the "young adults"...for categorization purposes, they are calling the 18-35 age group "young" and I will be 37 in September! If you read this blog and you're deaf/hard of hearing and under 35, please let me hear from you...I need your input on several things...thank you! :) I am also the new webmaster of the Nashville HLAA website...does anyone have any tips for working with Bravenet? I am having a time with it (too blonde, perhaps)...I am looking for other web hosting sites that are easier to use for when our domain expires in the spring!
The past few weeks have been busy with various home things...the girls are starting to school this week and next and I'm trying to finish rounding up our home school materials for the high school kids. The rest of the month looks equally busy...it will be a relief when September gets here and we can settle into some sort of routine!
OK...off to finish my grocery list and head out to the store...will try to update a little sooner next time! :)

Slacker! :)

2008-07-18T23:06:00.003-05:00

I've been called a slacker lately...I've neglected both of my blogs! Sorry about that...it has been a bit nutty here. Good news first...yes, it seems that the August 28th surgery date is a go. I still have not heard THE FINAL WORD but I e-mailed them the other day and they said that the date isn't the issue anymore...it's deciding how to bill everything to insurance, etc. and then deciding where to ship the new implant for surgery. Location has still not been determined, apparently...or if it has I haven't yet heard...but I don't really care, as long as it happens :). I was informed that the first implant was apparently still under warranty (I don't know what the warranty time period on internal components are, but it hasn't been two years yet) so replacing it shouldn't be an issue insurance-wise. So...all is great on that front...now we wait for August 28th!
The two teenagers were at church camp last week...and this week Will has been gone to his buddies' house about two hours away. I am driving to pick him up tomorrow...I'm looking forward to it...a couple of hours alone in the car with the CD player blasting and a Diet Cherry Limeade from Sonic in tow. I rarely get time alone and when I do I enjoy it. Of course the return trip will involve three loud teenage boys who will make obnoxious sounds and will not want to listen to my music but will want to play theirs at top volume. Maybe I'll find a new favorite recording artist (ha!).
It's been an interesting past few days...at our last HLAA meeting I was nominated for an officer position (elections next month) and appointed webmaster of the Nashville HLAA website (don't feel like you have to go over there right this very second and check it out...I don't have access to it yet!). In Reno I met some people that work for HLAA that asked if I would be interested in being involved with the convention next year in Nashville...and I was ALL OVER THAT IDEA...I have been wanting to be involved ever since I joined HLAA last year. The organization itself and the people in it have inspired and encouraged me SO MUCH over the past year...and I have wanted so much to be able to give back and to help other people the way it helped me. Well...it looks like that wish is coming true...they have offered me opportunities to be VERY involved in the next year. I'll fill you in here and there as things move along...it promises to be an interesting...and busy...year :).
I keep being amazed at the CI moments I have with my one good ear...it's amazing. Tonight we had a singing at church and before it got started my mother-in-law was talking to a woman in another part of the building. There weren't a lot of people there, but I could hear what she was saying to the lady she was talking to...from probably thirty feet away. Of course, my mother-in-law is not a whisperer by nature...her voice does carry well...but the fact that there was so much distance and that I heard her so well was just amazing. At any other time in my life that would have been just unthinkable. I have also been practicing listening in noise...when there's a lot of background noise I make a concerted effort to listen to one voice here and there to see how much I pick up. Of course, it depends on who's talking, how loud, male or female (I tend to do better with men's voices), how far away, how loud the background noise is. However, I'm always tickled to be able to pick up as much as I do...this is a new skill...after more than 30 years!
OK...I'm off to bed before I bore y'all silly. Nighters all...I'll try not to be such a slacker from now on :)! *hugs*
*Edited for Cynthia: I could hear every word my mother-in-law said. The lady she was talking to, I couldn't hear, although if I watched her I could read her lips and understand what she was saying. No, I didn't get their entire conversation, but if they had all been talking as loudly and clearly I probably would have gotten most of it :)

Some good news! :)

2008-07-10T00:26:00.002-05:00

I may have a surgery date! For now it looks like it will be on Thursday, August 28th....at 1 PM (it is not 100% definite at this point...but I'm being optimistic). I wish it were sooner...but that's OK...July is really a busy month and I have a lot to do to get the kids ready for school (they start August 8th). The way that day falls, hubby will only have to take one day off work...it's the long Labor Day weekend...I should be ready for him to go back to work on that Tuesday after the surgery (I'm being optimistic and hoping that I don't have a repeat of the vertigo I had with this ear last time!) I have issues with the time already...I will be allowed no coffee and nothing to eat and I anticipate being very irritable...but still...I'll gladly take it :)! That will give me plenty of time to sleep until around 9 or so and get to the hospital on time, even if I do accidentally take the scenic detour.
I heard my first negative comment the other day...someone suggested that I might be expecting too much from a revision. I'm going to go through this again...one more time...and be done with it. In terms of hearing, quite frankly, I was not surprised with what I got the first time around. My audiologist was actually against implanting that ear first, because I had been deaf for over 30 years in it and already had a strong vibrotactile response. During the CI evaluations I was required to put a hearing aid in that ear and listen to the tones to establish that I couldn't hear with that ear. When the first tone came on it was all I could do not to yank the hearing aid out of that ear...the vibrations just about blew my head off. Some people do get sensations with their CIs...it's possible my brain may have just rewired itself a bit differently after being deaf for so long. CIs, as near-miraculous as they are, have their limitations...a stubborn brain is hard to work with. And, you know...if that's the case, that's OK...I'll know for sure that that's what it is and can decide if I want to aggressively pursue trying to hear with all that pounding going on. But that's not the main reason why I'm doing this.
The main reason I'm doing this is because something is obviously not right inside my head. When I first had the surgery done I first had to deal with the incision...when that healed up I figured I was good to go. Unfortunately, I always felt a lot of pressure inside that ear, and that hasn't improved...in fact, it's gotten worse. There are a lot of nights that I have a hard time finding a comfortable position to sleep in and then once I do, I often wake up tossing and turning to find a great spot to sleep on. It's on my sleeping side and it's just too hard to deal with. I didn't know for sure that that wasn't normal until my second ear came along and was incredibly different...that ear is a joy...no sensation at all...if I could only learn to sleep on my right side!! I have no idea what's going on....but I am almost positive that taking the implant out and repositioning it will stop that pain and I will be able to SLEEP again! This girl takes her sleep very seriously!
If by some chance repositioning the implant gives me "normal" hearing...I'm not denying that would be awesome. However...frankly, I am not optimistic. There is a chance, though...and we're going to take it. If changing the implant's position even a millimeter or two makes any difference at all in the sensation I feel...it's worth trying :). But as far as expectations go? I have none. I just wanna be able to sleep again...all night...without waking up with a headache! I think I can expect that to get better...THAT is what my expectation is. I know it's a bit odd and all, but hey, people, this is me we're talking about...I am nothing if not a bit off-beat :).
Will let you all know if anything changes...but for now, August 28th it is...I'm ready!

The lecture circuit! ;)

2008-06-29T16:05:00.001-05:00

Tuesday morning found us up and at 'em again...Gloria met us down in the lobby at *ack* 7:30. She came bearing coffee, though, so that helped ease the transition into my day. We took the rental car since we were checking out and wouldn't be back the rest of the day, and Evelyn and Norm followed us in their car.
Advanced Bionics has a very special "lecture circuit" called the Connect to Patients Series. Cochlear implant recipients are invited to come in and share their stories with the employees. This gives the employees a chance to see what valuable work they're doing. From my perspective it was tremendously exciting because it gave me a chance to say THANK YOU. What these people are building goes far beyond being just a product. I have many important products in my home...running the gamut from microwave to laptop to television to washing machine...but this one, the product in my head, is irreplaceable. It has not only given me back hearing but it has restored confidence and given me a new outlook on my life. This isn't just a product, and the work these people do is hardly mundane...it is life-changing. What the speaker series does is gives us a chance to show HOW important the work is that these people are doing...hopefully this sends them back to their jobs inspired and encouraged. We were asked to speak at 9 and 10:15 at the production facility in Sylmar, and at 2 at the office buildings in Valencia.

Here we are in front of the gorgeous hibiscus plants at the production facility in
Sylmar: Evelyn, Gloria, and Jen :)

As we walked through the production facility, we ended up in an office for some reason (I can't even remember why) and a flash of pink caught my eye. MELODY!!!!!! We were some of the lucky first people to see Miss Melody in any version other than cartoon. She and Buddy were miniaturized and just adorable!! Evelyn and I modeled with the two little ones. Melody made her first public debut at the AG Bell Conference in Milwaukee last weekend.

Evelyn, Buddy, Jen, and Melody

Our speeches went very well. Evelyn and I are two very different people, and that was reflected in our speeches. Evelyn is crisp, graceful, and polished, and I'm a bit of a cutup...a plain old laid-back country girl who doesn't do formal speeches...I do better if I just get up there and talk to my audience. We made a good team...complemented each other well. We had very attentive audiences...they were great listeners and several came up afterwards to talk for a few minutes. They really made us feel welcome and quite comfortable...I got into my groove about three minutes into the first speech and really enjoyed myself after that. It was so easy to tell how grateful I am and how much my implant has changed my life...I tell people about that all the time...that's second nature. We were asked to touch on our experiences with HearingJourney.com and share some of the friendships we'd made there...and that, again, was easy...the people that we've met there have become family, and we just wished they could have all been there with us!
After we did the two morning talks, we drove to Valencia to the offices at Mann Biomedical Park. Our escort, Jennifer, was waiting there for us with lunch. We sat and visited with her for a few minutes before heading down to our last speech. After the last one was over the photographer asked if we'd do an impromptu photo shoot outside, and so we did that...it was so much fun!

Gloria, Jen, and Evelyn...before the last speech in Valencia :)

It was hard cutting the apron strings in Valencia...I said goodbye to Beth Anne and Evelyn and Norm there at AB, and then drove Gloria back to her hotel before saying goodbye to her. I felt like I had known these people for a very long time, and were so comfortable and at ease with them that it was really hard to leave. Factor in that I was leaving my comfortable world of being with other deaf and hard of hearing people for a week and heading back into the hearing world...it was a little hard to make the transition. It was the hardest leaving sweet Evelyn because we live so far away that it will be hard for me to see her on anything even resembling a regular basis. She is in California and I'm in Tennessee...what a stretch! Thankfully...we are only ever an e-mail away...and she's going to try to make it to Nashville next year for the HLAA convention, so I have that to look forward to!
When I left there, I drove west...to Oxnard, California, where I met my friend Debbie for dinner at the Olive Garden. I have known Debbie for...oh...five or six years, maybe. I met her on a web forum years ago and we have kept up with each other here and there over the years. She lives in Santa Barbara, and I really didn't have time to drive that far up north, so we met in the middle. She got on my good side immediately by bringing a box of See's Chocolates...my favorites, butterscotch squares! Those are a rare treat...See's is only available on the west coast, and shipping's pretty expensive, so I rarely get enough to hurt me. Debbie and I hit it off right away, despite the fact that I made her wait over half an hour...I took a wrong turn (!?!???!!!) and got on the entirely wrong freeway and it took me much longer to get there than it should have (I'm prone to that, and have seen many a "scenic route" that way). We sat and ate and visited for about two hours and then we said our goodbyes and I headed for my hotel.

Debbie and Jennifer, Olive Garden, Oxnard, CA

I had told several people that this was a big trip for me...a trip of many firsts. It was the first time flying with a CI, the first time flying alone, the first time renting a car. I have traveled alone before, but Los Angeles was probably the biggest city that I've driven in alone. I found my hotel, returned my car, and navigated my way through LAX...alone. I know people do it every day, but this was all new to me...and what a great confidence builder when I navigated my way through downtown LA and found the Gateway Sheraton myself! My aunt Sonia had treated me to a night's stay there...it was a huge treat to be right there at the airport in such a gorgeous hotel on the last night of my trip. I got to bed fairly early and totally crashed. I honestly don't remember anything between hitting the sheets and waking up the next morning...I was out like a light!
In the morning...one last treat before heading home. I had posted on Facebook that I was in California and Kauan Tyler's mommy Iz asked if she could meet me for coffee before my flight home. I accepted excitedly, and she, Kauan, and Mel met me in the lobby of the Sheraton at around 10 Wednesday morning. I was surprised and honored and grateful that her husband Carlos had taken the morning off work to come along and be our escort so that he could help her with the kids. I really wanted to meet them...I have followed their stories on Iz' blog...this way Iz, Mel, adorable baby Olivia and I forged a fast frienship over coffee and tiramisu at the Urth Caffe in Santa Monica while Carlos took Kauan for a walk. They are a delightful family...and they are moving east, so I'm hopeful that I'll get to see them again sooner rather than later!!
I was tickled that Kauan let me hold him. He is all boy....VERY active...and I had to enjoy my cuddles quick because he was ready to be off and running again.

Kauan, Jen, Iz, and Mel

Kauan and his mommy

Jen and Iz...she stood on the curb for this picture...and she is taller than I am here!

We had to rush through our goodbyes in the parking lot of the Sheraton because I had them drop me off at the valet pickup area so I could get my car and the valet told them to keep moving :(. I was just so glad that I got the chance to meet them...what a precious family!
I returned the rental car with no incident (a very tiny scenic detour, but what else is new?) then took the shuttle to the airport. I was a little nervous about navigating LAX but quite frankly the Southwest hub of it was really easy to get through. I did set off the security alarm at the airport...because I forgot to take my BlackBerry out of my back pocket....and I left my medical alert bracelet in the security scanner and the guy behind me in line had to catch me and send me back to pick it up. I found my gate with no problem, grabbed some lunch, sat down and worked some word finds and texted Abbie, Valerie, and Laurie while I waited. I actually knew someone who was on my flight back home...a doctor that I took a trip to Michigan with for an Amway convention several years ago (I've sold Amway...actually, I think I've sold everything, ha!). I ended up sitting next to the sweetest young couple who was on their way back from a missions trip in New Zealand, I think it was. They had never heard of cochlear implants and you know me...I was all too happy to educate them, and they told me a bit about their trip :). They made the flight back relaxing and about as much fun as it could be for as loooooooong as it was!
My flight got in at 9:30 that night...and after driving to Sonic to grab something to eat (I was starving) I got home around 11:00. Most of the kids were asleep, but I got kisses from the ones that were awake and then I stayed awake until around 1 telling my husband about the trip until he couldn't stay awake anymore.
It was an amazing trip in so many ways...I got to meet so many people, share so many experiences, and make so many memories...a trip to remember always!

Sylmar!

2008-06-27T23:04:00.002-05:00

Several months ago, when we started getting serious about our plans to go to Reno, I mentioned to my friend Gloria Garner, who is a Web education specialist at Advanced Bionics, that while I was out west, I would love to travel just a little FURTHER west and visit the Advanced Bionics production facility in Sylmar, California. I knew that the plant did tours and basically just wanted to know what days of the week, what hours, etc. that they did these tours, and I would just mosey my little self over there and check the place out after the convention was over, or perhaps before, just whenever.
However, Gloria dreams big...and before I knew it, she had turned my little road trip into a full-fledged plant tour. First the Bionic Ear Associates were invited, then the invitation was issued on several Yahoogroups lists and on HearingJourney.com. In my opinion, that was even better...not only would I get a tour, but I'd have folks to hang out with! A few weeks before this tour, I got an invitation from Advanced Bionics: would I be interested in being Advanced Bionics' guest and speaking at this tour? to the tour group? and the CEO of the company?
WHOA! This was big!! However...it sounded like a tremendous opportunity, and I did what I usually do...jump straight in and worry about the logistics later. YES, I said...I would LOVE to do that!
My enthusiasm was literally doubled, perhaps tripled, when I found out that my friend Evelyn was going to be there...and she was to be another speaker at this luncheon!
So that is how Evelyn and I came to be standing in front of this sign at around 10 AM on Monday, June 16th, at Sylmar Biomedical Park in Sylmar, CA. (click any picture to bigify)

We went inside and were properly greeted, hugged, and name-tagged. Then we met the rest of the tour group and were divided up into two groups. The tour itself was incredible. We got to see every part of it from production to packaging. The same exacting care was shown at every stage of production.
This picture shows the machines where some of the metal components are laser-etched (my lack of technical knowledge and my pitiful recall will be sorely obvious from this point on). No touching of the components are allowed except through these huge long rubber arms, which, quite frankly, look just as funny hanging out of the machine as they do in the pictures.

Each implant is X-rayed through two layers of sterile packaging before it leaves the facility to make sure that it is just right. The white boxes contain brand new HiRes 90k internal components. That's one expensive pile.

Through this window you can watch the workers assembling the electrode array by hand. They work under microscopes and with tweezers.

There is a TV screen in the hallway where you can watch one of the workers' work under her microscope. The tweezers are in the bottom corner. They are bringing up a tiny wire that will be spot welded by the welder (the pointy thing at the top).

The workers have to go through a gowning room before they can start work. Shoes, gowns, face masks, gloves, shower caps. No makeup is allowed in some areas. No dust allowed! This is precision work, folks!

This fella is putting a Platinum Series processor through its paces before it leaves the plant.

I frankly have no idea what this man is doing, but look at him: his shoes have coverings and his arms are chained to the table...at least it looks that way. These are all anti-static measures...zapping processors is not a good thing.

So, after the tour was over, we all went outside and there stood Mr. Jeff Griener, president and CEO of the Advanced Bionics Corporation. We all posed for a group shot with him and then went back inside to the luncheon. When we were going in, Evelyn's sharp eyes noticed something I didn't...there were POSTERS with OUR PICTURES on them! Photo op time!

A few minutes later the group fixed their plates and sat down to eat and Gloria informed Evelyn and me that it was showtime! Monday's talks were to be brief...about five minutes in length...and focus on the HearingJourney.com community. Evelyn and I are both moderators there, which means that we are some of the official greeters and cheerleaders and we read every post and keep an eye out for any issues that might come up. In doing that, we have been just blown away by the amazing people that we have met and been privileged to not only get to know, but become almost like family to these folks. We shared some of our interactions with some of these people with the group to help them understand the sense of community that the online forum provides.
Here, I'm speaking, the cameraman is recording *ack* and the girl in the black shirt is interpreting in ASL (that poor girl...this Southern girl packs a lot of words per minute, and I'm sure she was exhausted when I was done!)

My pictures of Evelyn speaking were blurry, and I am going to have to throw myself upon the mercy of her hubby Norm, who got some pictures of his own, and beg him to send me some. Mr. Griener also talked for a few minutes (my pictures of him were equally blurry) about the plans for the future and encouraged questions and comments afterwards. I was VERY impressed by him. If something was in the works, he shared it. If something wasn't feasible, he simply explained why. He was very articulate and open and honest almost to the point of bluntness. I like that...no pretending, no grandstanding.
In this picture, after the talks were over, Evelyn and I got a chance to meet Mr. Griener himself and talk to him for a little while. I asked permission to deliver a hug from a dear friend and he allowed it...then he got one from me too, and I thanked him for everything he has done to give me the gift that I have today...the gift of being able to hear the world around me. I DO NOT TAKE THIS GIFT LIGHTLY...it is an incredible, precious gift...and I am amazed every.single.day.

Sweet Evelyn and her darling hubby Norm! I got so many smiles being around those two!

Here's a close-up of our posters. When I left, I asked if I could take one home, and not only did they give me one, but they offered to roll it up and mail it to me so I wouldn't smush it in the suitcase in the way home (which I would have done). They go the extra mile even in the teeniest things...I love those people!

I just love this girl!!! Denice is another of the moderators on HearingJourney. Her daughter Ali (the youngest of ELEVEN DAUGHTERS) is a bilateral bionic girl just like yours truly. Ali decided that we should be friends as soon as she met me and came over and started feeding me Fritos in the middle of Evelyn's speech. After a few seconds of that, she decided that we'd been formal long enough and climbed up in my lap and made herself comfortable. The bionic little ones always really touch my heart...and Ali and her smile and her sunshiny personality literally had me in tears. I miss that little girl!

We left the plant around 3ish and made our way back to the hotel. I got on the computer for a while and got some jeans on and then met Norm and Evelyn down in the lobby for a ride to Valencia. We managed to turn what should have been a ten minute drive into a half hour one because I gave Norm the wrong address for his Magellan *sigh* but we had left early enough that we got there just in time. We met Gloria, Beth Anne McDonald, who is the Consumer Outreach Supervisor at AB, and Jerry Schloffman, who is the Director of Marketing at AB, for dinner at the Vine restaurant in Valencia. We were there for a couple of hours and just had a great time talking and getting better acquainted. I have a funny habit of taking pictures of my food if I go to a fancy restaurant, and I was frankly squirming a bit wondering how this quirky Tennessee girl was gonna get pictures of my food in this fancy-schmancy restaurant in front of these folks. Don't know what I was worried about...when the salad came out, I oohed and aaahed over it until Gloria turned to me and said, "Aren't you going to take a picture of it?" Well, that settled it...didn't have to ask me twice. I had to explain the whole picture thing to Norm and Evelyn, who weren't yet aware that I had this particular quirk, and when the main course came out, Norm was ready...he offered to take my picture with my seafood risotto!

The dinner was delicious...but the company was the best part...everyone was friendly, warm, and comfortable...it really felt like sitting down with people you'd known a long time. I never met anyone at AB the whole time I was there that wasn't that way...if I lived in California, I would be begging them to hire me to work there! Just incredible people all around.
After dessert and coffee, we loaded up and headed back to the hotel, where I got back to the computer...one speech down...three more to go :)!
What an incredible day!

Hellllooooo California!

2008-06-27T12:00:00.002-05:00

So....I got checked out of the hotel, which was an ordeal, because I had packed one of my bags incorrectly and couldn't carry it but was running behind and couldn't redo it. Finally straggled out to the curb and had missed the shuttle by five minutes, and the next one wasn't due for another 20 m9inutes. Rather than wait with all my bags I decided to just pay for a taxi and get it over with and GET THERE. I was so relieved when he dropped me off right in front of Reno's little Southwest skycap kiosk and they promptly took those bags off my hands *whew*. I was able to find where I was supposed to be with no problems at all and walked through security with no issues. I got to the desk and asked if they would let me preboard because I was deaf and they gave me the pass, no problem. I asked if the plane would be stopping or if it was a direct flight and they told me it would stop in Oakland first. Aha...stay on the plane! While I was sitting in the preboard area another fella with a preboard pass came up and sat next to me. I noticed the hearing aid so I asked if he had been at the convention. Turns out that he was one of the California HLAA state leaders so had so we had plenty to talk about. He was also a very frequent flyer and turned out to be a very knowledgeable tour guide about our flight route...he showed me all the scenery and told me what I was looking at...cool! The Dean Martin impersonator was on our flight...just a shame he didn't sing for us!
Got to Burbank with no trouble at all, and my new friend informed me that the Burbank airport was kinda quaint...that they wheeled steps up to the door of the plane and you just walk down them, onto the tarmac, and into the airport. That was the first time I'd done that and that was kinda cute. I kept thinking about all the videos of the presidents walking down those steps and waving at the crowds. Found the baggage claim with no problem and met my aunt Sonia there. I had seen her last at Grandmas' 90th birthday party back in February...it was great to see her again! She helped me wrangle bags onto a trolley and we got my car rented with no problem. Then we drove to Universal CityWalk in Hollywood and had lunch at the Daily Grill. Sonia ordered us an ahi tuna appetizer...I canNOT get enough of that stuff!! (may have to go out for sushi one day soon) and I ordered a Southwestern chicken wrap. It was all delicious!! Sonia offered me dessert but I had seen a Ben & Jerry's down the way and I was holding out for that :). We walked around and looked at several of the shops and then we hit up Ben & Jerry's for my Bananas on the Rum ice cream (I only get it about once every six months or so and it's AWESOME) and The Crepe Cafe for a banana Nutella crepe for her (WOW!). After a little more shopping I drove Sonia to the airport to pick up her car and we said our goodbyes there and I headed up Freeway 5 to Santa Clarita.
It was kinda funny that I left the same time Deb McClendon, boyfriend Brian, and Judy Wagner did...I got in the taxi in Reno about the same time they got in their car...and when I pulled up in the parking lot of the Hampton Inn in Santa Clarita several hours later, they were walking through the parking lot into the front door! Talk about great timing! We all got checked in and then decided to go next door to the Outback for dinner. I was quite full from eating ALL afternoon, so I just got a coke and sat and enjoyed the company. While we were eating I mentioned that I wondered if perhaps Evelyn Gardner was at the hotel yet. Apparently, news that she was staying at our hotel hadn't yet reached the ears of the rest of the group, so that lit a fire under all of us weary travelers and we stampeded out the door over to the hotel. We have known Evelyn for a long time...I met her online two years ago when I was considering my first implant. She had just gotten her first one and she was a huge encouragement to me. When I was considering my second one I found her on HearingJourney.com, and she had just had her second one, so she held my hand through that one too! I had been so excited about finally meeting her face to face...and just couldn't wait :).
Deb asked at the front desk and they called up to Evelyn's room to let her know that she had company. She had just arrived...and when she stepped off the elevator a few minutes later the arms started flying as we all swarmed to hug her and her hubby Norm. Even though she had never met any of us personally she knew us...Deb and Judy from one of Advanced Bionics' promotional DVDs, and me from my picture on HearingJourney.com. I got tickled though when she said that she thought originally that I was a little person, maybe around 5'2" or 5'3". If you ever meet me and you're thinking I'm going to be short, you're in for a surprise, since I'm six feet tall with my shoes on...not exactly tiny :). We all grabbed some complimentary cookies and coffee and sat down in the lobby and talked for a while. It never ceases to amaze me how neat it is to finally meet online friends in real life...I haven't met a stranger yet, and usually get quite comfortable with new friends almost immediately.
We didn't stay up too late...because the next day was going to be a busy one. I went upstairs, hooked up the computer, and worked for another hour or so on a speech...the first of four that I would give over the next 48 hours. For a girl that dropped out of public speaking twice in one year...I was to get a lot of real life speaking experience...fast!

The journey continues!

2008-06-26T22:05:00.002-05:00

This morning started out rough. I carefully printed out directions to the surgeon's office last night and left in plenty of time to get there on time this morning. When I got to the office, the parking garage there was just cavernous...I had a horrible time figuring out where to park, and then I had to look for the doc's office. My appointment was at 9:40, and I got upstairs at 9:35...right on time! Then I noticed that the door was just PLASTERED in notices, all to the effect that the surgeon had MOVED ACROSS TOWN. And this wasn't my little town, this was Nashville. Ya know, I knew they'd moved, but the card they sent me my appointment on had a new address on it and I assumed that was where they moved, ya know, so I thought I was doing it all right. Turns out that they had moved into the building that I'd been going to for two years *sigh*. He had divided his practice up between the two offices, apparently, and had just moved all of his stuff into the one office. So I had to find my car again and navigate my way back across the interstate to the other office. When I get there the parking lot that I usually park in has been designated "handicapped parking", and I don't go for the whole handicapped parking thing, so I kept driving until I found a parking garage marked "for doctor's visits". When I get inside I can find no trace of doc's office anywhere, so I asked somebody that looked like they worked there (wearing scrubs and pushing a wheelchair) and she said, "Honey, you're SO FAR from the doctor's offices! You should have parked way over there at the first right when you turned in". Of course, that was where I had originally planned to park. She did tell me how to get there..."walk allllllllllllllllllll the way down this hall, take a right, walk alllllllllllllll the way to the end of this hall, take an elevator... *sigh*...so I headed in that general direction. By the time I got to the doc's office it was 10:15. I surveyed the waiting room and was taken completely aback...Abbie asked me how many people were in there and I counted and there were 30 people in a room the size of my bedroom (some of them standing). I was afraid I'd have to wait and go after allllllllllllll those people but finally, my luck started to change, and they showed me in about 20 minutes after I got there.
We scheduled this appointment way back in December and it was originally supposed to be a six month post op check for my second implant. Well, the nurse takes one look at me and said "you're here to talk about your failed implant aren't you?" I told her no, that that wasn't the original reason for the visit, but that yes, while I was there, I hoped it would come up. She closed the door and about five minutes later Dr. Haynes came in. First thing he said after "How are you doing?" was, "Is that ear feeling any better?" Fact of the matter was that it wasn't...the mornings are when it bothers me the most after a night of sleeping on it, and it was pretty sore. He did a quick check of the new ear ("looks perfect, works perfect") and then moved on to the first ear. He checked it out externally as well as he could and then got a chair and sat down. He said that nothing showed on the CT as being out of the ordinary, and that all the internal testing had gone well, but based on the fact that I have pain in that ear and that I won't wear the processor because the sound is so uncomfortable, he had some options. They were: leave it in, take it out, replace it. Was I open to another surgery?
I asked him what his opinion was, and he said, "I think we should redo it. Even though we can't pinpoint an exact reason for it, sometimes just redoing the surgery fixes the problem." I wanted to kiss the man! I told him that that was what I was hoping he'd say...that that was what I had been wanting to do. The surgery is kinda rough...but honestly, what I've dealt with with this first ear will be well worth it...even if it doesn't give me better hearing, I won't have the ear and head pain anymore and will be able to sleep on that side again...ahhh!
I told him that it has given me trouble for a very long time but I didn't know it wasn't supposed to be that way until I got my second CI, which is nothing like its counterpart...it's perfect in every way. He said that the fact that I was doing so well with my second one and not even wearing the first one gave him an indication that there was a real problem.
Dr. Haynes sat down next to me and was so sincere and attentive...my hero, people. I was worried that it would be awkward or stressful but he really made me feel very comfortable about it all. It was such a relief that he was listening and doing something about it that when I left his office I cried all the way to the car and sat there and just kinda collected myself for a few minutes afterwards. I am not counting on perfect results...I'm afraid to...but it will be better than it is now...and I'm so looking forward to that!!
I had to laugh when Dr. Justin Wittkopf, who is one of the fellowship docs in the Otolaryngology department, came in. He was at my second surgery and proudly takes credit for my having all my hair from that surgery...he was the man in charge of sterilizing the hair so that it wouldn't have to be shaved. Dr. Haynes asked him to pull up the CT scan on the computer there in the room and told him what we were up to, and Dr. Wittkopf turned around and looked at me, threw his hands up in the air, and said, "I didn't have ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT ONE!!" I laughed at that...then while he was looking at the CT, he said, "Did he shave you with the first one?" I said that, yes, he had, and then he said, "See, when I did it, we didn't shave you!" and then Dr. Haynes said, "We didn't shave THAT MUCH!" I just got tickled watching them banter a bit and seeing how comfortable they are with the patients. It ended up being a stress-free appointment...and I have more respect for my surgeon than ever, because he took the time to really listen and to come up with a plan of action. I mentioned before that I feel intimidated sometimes by people of position...and doctors are right up there. Dr. Haynes has a list of qualifications to the moon and back...very skilled, intelligent, and well respected...and it was such a hard thing for me to do to question those qualifications in any way by asking him to re-do that ear. Today, though, his attitude was one that I didn't feel one bit intimidated...rather, I felt at ease and an equal partner in that decision...and I am so grateful to him for that.
You'd think when I ran out of ears, the CI surgeries would stop. I texted Laurie today and she answered right away, "Your journey continues"! And so it does! :)
I don't have a date yet, or insurance approval either. More on that soon :).
OK..tomorrow...California! :)

Break!

2008-06-26T00:48:00.002-05:00

The California part of the trip is all going to be in one post. Then I'll post pictures of the entire thing (they're available in the web albums any time though) and probably do another post like I did last year, kind of reflecting on the whole thing.
Just wanted to throw this in, though:
Today's my doc appointment with Dr. Haynes. Technically, the appointment is for a six month post-op checkup for my second ear, which is perfect in every way. However, I intend to discuss the first implant with him. I'm not done with it yet. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers today as I meet with him...I'd love to see some resolution to this thing, and I'm a little nervous about it all.
Will let you know how it all goes! :)

Where to start??

2008-06-20T15:38:00.003-05:00

Wow...it was such a busy, crazy, exciting week...guess the best place to start is at the beginning. I dropped the girls off at my sister-in-law's house Wednesday morning and drove to Nashville to Kent's house. I was the last one to get there and they were all waiting for me. We loaded everyone's luggage into the 15-passenger van and Kent drove us to the airport. Check-in was easy...we had all printed our boarding passes and we just walked right through. I was really a nervous wreck about security. I know I'd heard people say over and over again that CIs don't set off the alarms but I just knew that I'd be the one to do it! Amazingly, I just walked on through and they never even looked at me. Karyn did have to show me how to pass my laptop through security BY ITSELF...I made the mistake the first time around of sending it through in a bag and they asked her to fix it for me (thank you dear!). Lesson learned! We had arrived WAAAAAAYYY early so we had plenty of time for lunch. Nashville's airport actually has a pretty nice food court so most of them grabbed something from there but I decided I was going to walk a bit farther down and get one of Whitt's Barbecue's huge baked potatoes. After lunch we secured a preboarding pass...since we were deaf they allowed us to board the plane first. We all sat together and that was nice...we had a couple of "hearies" in our group that were able to hear any announcements that I might miss. The plane ride was long and boring...and I was kinda cramped in and had a hard time not compromising any portion of adjacent seating (in other words, keeping my feet off Karyn). She and Shari worked on Sudoku puzzles on the way there...since that's too complicated for my hyper brain I did word finds. We had a stopover in Phoenix...it was so nice to have the hearing people to tell us to STAY ON THE PLANE and NOT GET OFF. A few of our group had taken the same flight a couple of days previously, and had not heard that the plane stopped in Phoenix. Thinking they were in Reno, they disembarked there and missed getting back on in time. I can TOTALLY see that happening to me...especially since I thought my flight was a non-stop one! You better believe I asked before getting on another plane from then on! When I got to Phoenix I turned my phone on and got a seething text from Abbie reporting that she was having some very bad luck with her first flight, indeed (she tells it better than I do...check it out). Oy!
Our plane arrived around 4:10 (a few minutes late, but after reading yet another scathing text from Abbie, I decided that in the grand scheme of things I was in great shape). When I came around the corner to baggage claim, there stood a beaming LAURIE! Let the hugging begin! I introduced her to the Nashville girls, although most of them had already met her, and we headed down to baggage claim. Found our luggage with no problem and headed out to wait for the shuttle. We had to wait about 20 minutes for the shuttle, and didn't arrive at the hotel until around 5. THEN the check in process seemed excessively long...I don't think we got up to our rooms until around 5:30. Several of the Nashville and Chattanooga folks had already arrived and they were down in the lobby waiting for us, so the wait was at least a fun one.
I had been invited to eat dinner with several of the Advanced Bionics folks so I had to rush upstairs, brush my hair and teeth, and head back downstairs. I saw Karyn on my mad dash through the lobby to the front door and slowed down long enough to say "see ya later" only to hear a resounding, "HEY!" from behind me. I turned around and there were two of my favorite people in the world...Wayne Roorda and Deb McClendon! I met Wayne at last year's convention and we have stayed in touch in the past year. I met Deb online two years ago....she was one of my biggest, most positive influences when I was researching implants. I had wanted to meet her for a very long time and it was awesome to give her a hug at last!
In the lobby, there were more familiar faces...Gloria Garner, Mike Royer, Gerry and Sheila Adams, Judy Wagner, Kim Brownen, and Nanci Linke-Ellis. I had met all of them previously either at the HLAA OKC convention or elsewhere. I also got to meet Tina Childress and Beth Anne McDonald for the first time. I had talked to Tina online a few times but had no idea what an absolutely adorable, precious person she was in real life...she has a new fan :). I had only met Beth Anne VERY briefly in a chat room one night and had gotten a couple of e-mails from her, and liked her right away. She has a warm, gentle, sweet personality...and tolerated my bouncing off the walls remarkably well...so it was all good :). We all loaded up in taxis and went to Rapscallion's, a local seafood place with DELICIOUS food. I had originally thought that we'd only be there an hour and a half or so but it was 9:00 before we got back to the hotel!
All through dinner Laurie and Abbie and I were texting trying to figure out when Abbie was going to get to the hotel and where she was going to eat and on and on and on. I kid you not...I logged over 100 text messages that day!! When we got back to the hotel Laurie texted that they were in Starbucks, so we RAN to Starbucks to meet Abbie, and spent the next TEN MINUTES standing in front of the WRONG DOOR looking for them!!!! (the first of many DUH moments!) When we finally did locate them there was all sorts of whooping and hollering and hugging as the two bionic belles met for the first time!! I totally did not feel like I was meeting a stranger...Abbie's family :). It took us a little while to get settled down...and we all stood around Starbucks for a few minutes before someone got the great idea to actually SIT at a TABLE so we did that for another hour or so. I had the privilege of photographing Abbie signing her first autograph!
When the crowd dispersed (we were tired) Abbie and I did a brief walking tour of the hotel. The bowling alley was open and I had to go to the bathroom and it had one so we detoured. Our eyes almost popped out when we saw that it was painted in some 60s orange and blue...whew! Photo op time! We finally headed up to bed and I tiptoed into the room to avoid waking Laurie up, which caused uproarious laughter from Abbie, who remembered much faster than I did that Laurie, like the two of us, is completely deaf when she sleeps. Funny how ya forget the whole "we sleep in silence too" bit so quickly sometimes ;).
I had had lots of Pepsi and a cup of coffee, and Abbie, having just arrived, was not in the mood for sleep, so the two of us stayed up until *cough* 3 AM talking!!! Our personalities fit together nicely...we're both outgoing and social, love to laugh, love meeting new people...and we just hit it off remarkably well. I am always amazed at how natural it feels meeting online friends for the first time...especially those of us that have been through thick and thin together...as I've said before...we are family!!
To be continued....I have GOT to get up and get some laundry going here!

I'm baaaaaaaaaack!

2008-06-19T23:00:00.002-05:00

I got back from the HLAA conference in Reno and the Advanced Bionics tour late last night. I am WORN OUT! I slept until the girls woke me up this morning at 9:30 and then fell BACK asleep at noon for another two hours. At 2 I got a huge black pot of coffee and proceeded to plow my way through it. I started editing pictures around that time and posting them in my Picasa Web Albums (that's them, over there on the right). They will give you a very general overview of where I've been and what I've been up to. I want to supply every detail and I'm gonna but it's going to be a few days before I can get it all down. I came home after having very limited Internet for several days...and have 1200 blog posts in my Google Reader, about 30 e-mails that require answers (I can read them on the BlackBerry but only respond to the most urgent ones), and so many posts on HearingJourney that I wonder if I should attempt to catch up or just jump in where I am. I didn't attempt to cook today...we went out for pizza...and then I went to the HJ chat room, only to have internet problems and wind up booted for the night. It took me about half an hour to get back online!
I have so much to share...you better believe I will tell alllll about it. I wish you'd all been there with me...and those of you that were along for the ride...you totally rock, and you have made my life better because you're in it!!!

Test results!

2008-06-07T23:40:00.005-05:00

I got this in the mail a couple of days ago...it has just taken me a little while to get it scanned and up. You can compare it to my audiograms and test results at three months and at one month post-activation. Or you can go to the audiogram album here and see everything I've got so far :). I'm pleased...HINT sentences in quiet were 96%, sentences in noise were 88% (up from 74% at three months) and CNC words and phonemes were 68% and 82%, respectively, compared to 62% and 75% last time. HOORAY! :) I'm now just considered to have a "mild" hearing loss...can you believe it??!?! This is the best audiogram and the best test results, like, ever in my whole life, people!
I'm getting closer to being ready...two birthday celebrations taken care of, the house is somewhat closer to being clean, and two of the three talks I'm given are squared away. I will be READY to get away for a few days...believe me!! :)
Oh, and I have had several people request that I create an RSS feed for this blog, since Blogger is being a pain and only publishing an Atom feed. Sam has been telling me to use Feedburner for about six months now and I have been too slow to figure it out before now. I worked on it again tonight and FINALLY got it up and running. So you can subscribe now with the button over there --------------------> :) This blog has only been live since, what, October of last year? That took me long enough, didn't it?

(click to bigify)

As I've said:

2008-06-03T21:37:00.003-05:00

I don't like stirring up trouble, and I won't encourage it here. However, it's been brought to my attention (it's ALL over the blogosphere, can't go a single blog without bumpin' into it) that Rachel Chaikhof's blog has been booted from DeafRead because they claim that: "Cochlear Implant Online violated...because Rachel didn’t reveal her affiliation with the Cochlear Awareness Network, whose purpose is to promote Cochlear Americas products". Me personally...you'll never get me to believe that. I think I've always known that Rachel was a Cochlear volunteer, and a good one, too. I honestly think that this is just another tactic to please the DeafRead readers. Several of them have been gracious and kind to us new kids on the block when we first parked our little CI magnets over there...I've made several new friends and my life has been brightened by their encouraging comments and e-mails. However, I've heard ominous rumblings from DeafRead from the beginning...the majority of the readers, it seems, want us out.
If you want me out, let me make it easy for you; I have nothing to hide:
I'm an Advanced Bionics Bionic Ear Association volunteer and mentor, and thrilled to be one. I haven't received one penny in pay but money can't buy the satisfaction I get from knowing that I'm making a difference in people's lives. I am a moderator on HearingJourney.com , which is an INCREDIBLE forum where people exchange ideas and offer support and encouragement. If you haven't been, I think you should check it out. I'm a member of the Nashville HLAA chapter but am a strong supporter of HLAA as a whole; I raised $1200.00 and traveled to Florida, on my own dollar, to participate in the Walk4Hearing in April. I haven't seen a penny from any of this...I don't even advertise on my blog. Nobody, whether it be Advanced Bionics, HLAA, Vanderbilt, or anyone else, tells me what I should or shouldn't write here...this is my blog. I LOVE my Advanced Bionics cochlear implant...it rescued me from my silent life and gave me the chance to once again hear my children's voices, the birds "tweeping", as Ellie says, my beloved music, my husband snoring (oy). I plan to promote my cochlear implant as long as I'm able...it has given me my life back. HLAA offers tremendous support, advocacy, and education to the deaf and hard of hearing and I'm always privileged to have the opportunity to give back whenever I can.
I went for my six month tune up today at Vanderbilt and while my comprehension in quiet dropped a bit, to 96% (I was fidgeting and missed a sentence), my comprehension in noise went up to 84%, I believe, and while I don't remember the exact score of the phenomes and the other word test, they were markedly higher than they were at three months. My audiogram also went up nicely this time...hooray! I will copy and post the new audiogram/test results when Susan mails them to me. We programmed my first CI for my second ear today. Vanderbilt is a one-processor outfit, unlike some that offer two processors per ear, and I decided that if I wasn't going to wear Thing 1 in my first ear, at least not for now, I can use it for backup in case anything happens to the first one while I'm out of state. Susan and I discussed Thing 1 a bit and she was very supportive of my decision to talk to Dr. Haynes a bit more about the CT scan. We just want to get as close to the bottom of this as we can :).
One week til' we leave for the convention...and I think I am finally finished shopping...found the last pair of shoes today. Now to get caught up on what needs to be done here...I have a stamping party Thursday night, a birthday party Friday and Saturday nights, church Sunday. Monday is, so far, free...Tuesday is crazy. If I ain't crazy by the time I get on that ol' plane.... :)
Headed out for the night...love y'all! :)

OK, so....

2008-05-31T22:13:00.003-05:00

...I got the CT scan results Thursday afternoon. I had to absorb the results a bit before I posted them, because I was really shocked...the implant, according to the doctor's office, "looks fine" (message left on my voice mail). I was not in a position to have a good meltdown Thursday because I was with a lot of people when the call came...but Friday morning I made up for it. I had a royal fit and stayed in bed and sulked and cried and stormed and pouted for the entire morning. I was finally set firmly in place by a dear friend who's also a CI user that reminded me that I hear better with the one I have than some people do with two, and that a meltdown at this stage wasn't really warranted...that I still have the opportunity to talk with the surgeon to see if I have any options for dealing with the sensation in my ear and the sensations I feel with my processor. I have decided for now that I'm going to relax about this for a few days. I'm leaving for the HLAA convention in Reno/Lake Tahoe in a week and a half (Hooray!) and going to California for an Advanced Bionics production facility tour after that. I already had an appointment with Dr. Haynes the following week for a six-month post-op checkup (I almost wrote "postpartum", ha!) and I'll talk to him then and see what he says. I still can't shake the feeling that there's something wrong...it just doesn't feel right...but I can't do anything about it today, and I want to enjoy the next few days, not spend them all stressed out, so for now the whole project is on hold unless something comes up that necessitates checking into it sooner.
If it turns out that the implant is perfect in every way and perfectly positioned, that might point back to our original conclusion...that I was deafened too early and too long ago in that ear to get much benefit from a CI. Before I had the surgery, we went in the sound room and did all the standard tests and I felt the sounds then, rather than hearing them. I don't know what kind of wiring is in my head to produce that kind of sensation, but it's possible that the CI just can't overcome that. However, I still haven't had it explained to me why I feel something inside my ear. It feels like there is literally something in there, poking my eardrum, some days so bad that I feel it's going to come through. Some days it's just a mild annoyance and other days it's painful. And that's what I want to get to the bottom of...more than anything.
What I have with my second CI is more than I ever hoped for. If I have any complaints at all, it's that when I need a new map, like now, my music suffers a bit...but that's it. I am talking on the phone more easily and with far fewer errors now than ever before, and I hear conversations going on all around me...which I haven't ever heard before. The kids can sit next to me on the bed and talk and I don't have to watch their faces...I can listen to them all at once without having to turn to figure out who's talking and which lips to look at. Thursday I talked to two receptionists and the office manager at Vanderbilt (I talked to her twice) in four separate phone calls. I talked to a travel agent, my sister-in-law, and Will on the cell phone. When I talked to Will I was driving down the road in the car in traffic...and when I talked to the receptionist at the doc's office the kids were playing Guitar Hero in the next bedroom. I did have to ask her to repeat something once but that was about it. If I never have two ears working together well, I have one GREAT ear...and I should be profoundly grateful for that instead of whining over what I don't have. Pity party over...for now :).
Hubby decided that I needed to get some clothes on and get out of the house so last night he took me to Olive Garden for dinner and then we went to see the new Indiana Jones movie. Dinner was excellent and the movie was pretty good, although I have to admit that I don't do movies really well yet...all the sound effects make understanding voices difficult. However, I got enough to keep up pretty well and of course it was wonderful seeing Indy again (Harrison Ford never disappoints in any movie he's in, quite frankly!).
OK...enough...it's been a tiring week and it's late and I'm off to bed. I hope you all have an awesome weekend!! :)

Heads up:

2008-05-28T21:47:00.002-05:00

I've enabled comment moderation on my blog. If you don't "flippin' care" as one commenter so eloquently put it, about what's going on in my head, that's fine...don't bother visiting. I won't post any comments that are in the least inflammatory, or that I think are suspect. I have five children and I don't let them say rude things to start fusses in my presence. I tell them that if they don't have anything kind to say, to just keep their mouths shut. And if you don't like my choices, or if you don't care, that's totally OK with me, but I won't allow any kind of squabbling on my blog. Some other CI bloggers...Abbie, Jodi, and Val, to name a few...put up with all manner of bickering on their blogs...Jodi comes out swinging...You go, girl!...but that's just not my style. Any comments I don't like won't go any farther than my own inbox. I'm gonna hit the delete button, just like you're entitled to when you see that I've got a new post up on DeafRead...skip on over it, folks, you won't hurt my feelings. If I don't know you, and can't decide how your comment's meant, I might contact you before I take any action just to make sure, OK?
I have been cleaning up comments all day today, and I'm done with it. Thanks for being so understanding. If you're a regular commenter, I hope you'll still leave your comments...it will take them a little longer to come through, but you know I want to hear from you! :)
I haven't heard from the CT today. The audiologist said that maybe I'd hear from the doc this afternoon...but I didn't. Bummer! I really wanted to know! So, keeping my fingers crossed that I'll hear something tomorrow. I'll post when I know something, because I know some of you are as anxious to hear as I am! :)
Later....love y'all! :)

Spent the day in Nashville.....

2008-05-27T22:20:00.000-05:00

My appointment wasn't until 11, but I got to Nashville at 9 AM...to meet someone very special!

Valerie and I have been online buddies since probably August or so of last year (that's a guess). My audiologist e-mailed me and asked if she could get us together by e-mail and I was all over that idea. We e-mailed back and forth for a while and then became blog buddies (Valerie blogs at Tales from a CI Gal). We have been talking about getting together for several months now but just never seemed to be able to make it happen. I have really wanted to meet her, though...she's one of my heroes. Back when BlueCross BlueShield of TN was only covering single implants, she decided that she wanted to get two at once, and took on the mighty BigBlue to do it! It took Valerie and Let Them Hear SEVEN appeals before BlueCross changed their policy to cover bilateral implants in adults over 12 (their previous policy did cover bilaterals in children). By the time I came along, I only had to appeal once before their policy change took effect. I might have been able to wrangle a second implant on appeal since my first one didn't work well, but more than likely if Valerie hadn't done all the legwork, I would have had to wait a lot longer than I did. THANK YOU, Valerie!!
We visited for about two hours, and people, Val is a sweetheart. We are hoping to get together again soon at the Nashville HLAA meetings after the convention...I can't wait!
I made it to my appointment right on time and Susan and the Advanced Bionics rep, Andy Perkins, were there waiting on me. Susan did a tympanogram while Andy set up his stuff...checking to see if that pressure behind my ear might be fluid, but, nope...tympanogram was perfect. Andy hooked me up to his computer and started some tests. I didn't really like that part...as the sounds the test produced were really uncomfortable. I told Andy that I heard something that sounded like a woodpecker and it felt like it was pecking a hole in my head! After that test he did a couple more where I didn't hear any sounds at all, and then he said that it seemed like the internal device was in good shape, no problems. He and Susan then manned the computer and worked on programming for about half an hour or so, trying to see if they could eliminate the vibrations. They turned on these electrodes and off those and then tried different combinations. They adjusted pulse widths and I don't know what all (unfortunately, my lipreading skills have largely gone to pot since I hear so well now, so I didn't understand a lot of the pow-wow that was going on in front of me). After a completely futile effort, we gave up so I could get to my CT scan on time.
After waiting for about 25 minutes, I had the scan...in and out in about five minutes. When I was leaving I was putting my CI back on and the radiologist asked, "What's that?" I told him and he said, "I've never seen one of those before...heard of them, but never seen one". Told him that the innards of the thing was in there on his computer if he wanted to go look :). I asked nicely if he'd give me a hint what he saw ("no") and then asked if he'd let me look at it, as if I had any idea what I was looking at ("no"). Didn't hurt to ask ;).
So now we wait for the results. Hopefully we'll hear something sometime in the next day or so. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care if they found anything or not...honestly, I hope they do. I'd love to think that it could be replaced...mainly for comfort reasons. If you can believe this, hearing with that ear is something that I wouldn't mind having, but can do without...I've done without for more than 30 years. If I could have that implant replaced and be able to hear as well with that ear as I do with the second one, it would be a dream come true, but I am seriously not yet holding my breath. Surgical errors and electrode migrations are fairly rare, and what are the chances? Then again, I'm all about long odds...I lost nearly all my hearing nearly instantly as a four year old (back then it was so rare in small children that the doctors in Tennessee were totally baffled) and I won a car from Ford Motor COmpany from a SUPER BOWL sweepstakes two years ago. Now THOSE are long odds. I have a shot at this...we'll see.
Headed to bed...as soon as I have news I'll share it. Say a prayer for me! :)

A whirlwind weekend!

2008-05-19T22:15:00.002-05:00

It's been just wild here! Thursday afternoon I drove down to Nashville a little early and picked up a new CD from the Christian bookstore then walked around the mall for a little while before meeting Laurie at the hotel around 5:30. We visited for a few minutes then decided to walk into town and eat dinner at the Melting Pot. I had never been before and when Laurie suggested it, I was all over that idea! It was SO yummy!! I told hubby that we are SO going to have to go there soon...I think he would really like it. It was a little dark and dungeon-like down there (ha!) and I worried that Laurie and I might have trouble communicating but we did fine...I could hear her with no problem at all. We were there a couple of hours...it's definitely not fast food...and it was so much fun catching up! We got back to the hotel right at 9:00...just in time for the HearingJourney Thursday night chat (every Thursday night at 9 central, y'all!). That's a fairly new thing...it's been going on for several weeks, and it's a lot of fun. We visited with them for a while and then we talked a bit more...not too late, though, because we were both tired! We found out right when we were going to sleep that the TV didn't work...argh...I am totally hooked on having a TV to fall asleep with...but I must have been really, really tired because I declined to call up the front desk to get it fixed...and I managed to fall asleep without it...and fast!
Laurie's meeting was at 9:30 so we got up and got moving pretty early and were at the Nashville Public Library, Starbucks in hand, right on time. The meeting was very interesting and informative....I hadn't ever sat in on one of them and it was interesting to see what was happening across Tennessee with the various deaf/hard of hearing agencies. The panel is made up of various representatives of deaf/hard of hearing cultures: the culturally Deaf, hard-of-hearing, CI wearers, Black Deaf, interpreters, etc. and they all discuss things that are important to them and ways to improve things that aren't up to par, etc. It went on until around noon and for the most part was just really fascinating. They wanted a group shot afterwards but there wasn't a really good camera available...guess what, I had mine, so I volunteered my photo services :). I'll let Laurie post what she's got and tell her take on it when she gets home (she's off on yet another adventure!)
The meeting took place in the Nashville library...I didn't know this until I got there, but it was the 30th anniversary of both the Governor's Council and the Nashville Library Services for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing. Sandy Cohen, who is the librarian in charge of Deaf and Hard of Hearing services, offered to take us up and show us around after the meeting...and I was just blown away. Any kind of book, magazine, or DVD that you could possibly want that relates to deafness/hearing loss can be checked out at the Nashville library free of charge to Tennessee residents...and they have the largest collection in the nation of these materials. They also have a huge display area of assorted video phones and assistive listening devices (ALD's) and if someone comes in that needs to use these services, they are available. I had been talking to several of the CI babies' moms about the Signing Time DVDs and they had those prominently displayed...I just had to have 'em! I brought home three of them and the little girls have been watching up a storm. We have the first three in the series and so far they've got the first one memorized and are working on the second one! AWESOME!! If you have time, and especially if you're a Tennessee resident...click on the link above and see all the amazing resources they have. If you live close by...a visit would be WELL worth the time!!! We didn't leave there until around 2...and I could have stayed longer, but we had to head back home!
Got home around 3 and made dinner and started on desserts for a family reunion we went to on Saturday. Saturday I woke up with a killer headache (blech) but dosed myself liberally with ibuprofen and was good to go by lunchtime.
Yesterday in between church services I just rested, and today I had to clean out the deep freezer....sad story there...someone left the door open on the thing and it was just not pretty. The rest of this week is filled with end of school activities (the girls get out on Wednesday, and Will's having a couple of buddies over later in the week...yee-haw). I also downloaded a few songs for Will off iTunes today...and got my own copy of David Cook singing Eleanor Rigby....woo-hoo! :) Gonna get on Amazon in a bit and order Guitar Hero 3 for the kids...they want it for their Wii. I might have to play this one with them!!!!
I told y'all wrong in my previous post...my appointment next week isn't on Tuesday the 26th....no such day :). Rather, it's on Tuesday the 27th. As of now, I have an appointment for a head CT immediately after my appointment with the AB rep (Abbie, this guy's name is Andy...never heard of him). However, Susan is trying to get me in for the CT earlier if possible so that we can review it at that appointment...I'm kinda on standby for the next few days...keeping my fingers crossed! We won't have time to map Thing 2 this time...will have to wait until June 9th, after all, for that. That's OK, though...I just noticed last night when I took the processor off that I had it on one of my alternate programs...I don't even remember what it was...no telling how long it's been on the wrong program like that. I switched it back to Program 1 and my beloved Fidelity 120 programming and all was right in my world again...it sounded better than it had in a while (sounds like something I'd do, right?) Ah well! :)
As I've said before...the results aren't the most important thing yet...if I have to have more surgery, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it...and the results will be what they are. At this very moment, I'm just more focused on answers...why things aren't right...and what's causing it. I'll deal with the results when we get to them! :)
OK...off to bed here....I'll let you folks know when I know more!!! Have a great week, y'all :)

It's a date :)

2008-05-14T23:23:00.003-05:00

If everything goes as planned, I'll be meeting with both my audiologist and an Advanced Bionics area rep on Tuesday, May 26th. I'd go tomorrow if they asked me to, but I'm thrilled that they made it happen within just a couple of weeks. We'll map Thing 2 (it's time for a new map...my next appointment was June 9, so we're just moving it up a bit) and see if anything can be done programming-wise for Thing 1. I personally don't think there's much we can do...Susan is an excellent audiologist as far as programming goes, and she has tried and tried to make that thing work...but programming AB implants is what the area reps do best, so if there's anything that can be done, they'll do it. Still don't have a date for the head CT yet...crossing my fingers that it will be soon! :)
And I am spending part of the weekend with Laurie...you know you're jealous! :) I can't wait! :)

In just one month....

2008-05-12T16:20:00.002-05:00

...I'll be at the HLAA National convention! I can hardly wait! :) I went to my monthly HLAA meeting Saturday...it was the first time I'd gotten to go to a meeting since DECEMBER because of work! It was so good to see them all again...there were a few new faces (hi, Clifton and Sally!) and the familiar ones were a sight for sore eyes :)! We had a guest speaker from the Tennessee Emergency Management Association and we assembled emergency preparedness kits. We had a great potluck with some delicious barbecue...and afterwards we went out for Mexican food. I could hardly eat...still stuffed from lunch...and got home and felt ill from all the food! About 15 members of the Nashville group are going to the national convention...it was fun saying goodbye, reminding each other that the next time we see each other will be at the airport!
I woke up yesterday morning to a tray with french toast and coffee....ah! After church we went to my mom's for lunch, and then after church last night we went to a local Mexican restaurant. I was stuffed to the teeth by this point so I hesitated to get anything else to eat...hubby and I shared something. THEN the waiter walked around our table and told all the mothers that we got free desserts in honor of Mother's Day....oy! I ordered a fried ice cream and enjoyed about three big bites of it before passing it off to the kids, who polished it off. I was SERIOUSLY ill last night after two days of pigging out!!
OK...in answer to a comment that was made...no, I don't believe that my first CI was faulty. Almost immediately after the surgery, I noticed the discomfort...a feeling of fullness like having a lot of fluid in the ear (to the point that, probably two months after the surgery, I remarked to my husband that if it never worked any better, I wished they'd take it back out). As far as I know, defective internal implants aren't uncomfortable inside the ear...the location's just not right.
Also, with device failures, there's a pretty predictable pattern, regardless of brand: device is implanted, usually works fine for a time, then starts making some sort of horrible noises or cutting in and out repeatedly. Eventually, most of them quit working entirely. That has not been the case with this one....it has worked from Day One, and has even gotten a little better with time. When I was first implanted I heard NO SOUNDS AT ALL...just felt the vibrations....and now, a year and a half later, I can hear a lot of sounds. At activation I had zero comprehension...and a year later it was up to around 16%. However, the vibrations had not gotten any better at all. Not worse, mind you, but not any better, either. I had ALWAYS had trouble dealing with that sensation, and when I got my second CI, and could hear with it, with no vibrations at all, I pretty much just ditched the uncomfortable first one...WHY put myself through that? I had a new ear that worked...while I was sorry that they didn't both work, I wasn't going to torture myself trying to see if it would get better.
I believed as early as just a few months after activation that there was a problem. I mentioned it to my surgeon and my audiologist, but couldn't get anyone really excited about it. I talked to Laurie about it at length and she told me about another CI blogger, Susan in British Columbia, whose blog is here. Susan's story sounded VERY similar, and it made me even more interested in having mine checked out. I mentioned it to the surgeon and audiologist again, but still without a lot of luck. I'm not a pushy person, so I sat down and waited a while longer. When I had my second CI surgery, though, I was almost convinced: the two ears not only sounded and behaved dramatically differently...they physically feel different...inside and out. At this point I actually called in another audiologist...my local audiologist...but she said that her hands were tied as far as my ears were concerned, as she's not allowed to mess with CIs.
It's possible that I may just have fluid behind that ear, and that the reason that I feel sensations instead of just hearing is that I was deaf for too long before being implanted....but, believe it or not, I haven't even had a tympanogram to have that checked. And it's been a year and a half!
I have had some help in the past few days...and my audiologist e-mailed me the other day to discuss where we're going from here. An Advanced Bionics area rep will be coming up my way to see if he can't program it first to see if I can hear without feeling any sensations. AND the audie and surgeon are supposed to be working together to see if they can't get me an appointment for a head CT....soon...to check the position of the implant! I don't have a date for any of this yet...but as far as I'm concerned....just having cooperation and involvement from the doctors is incredible...I have been waiting to be right where I am now for close to a year.
If, after all this, there's nothing wrong...if I've just been over-reacting....at least I'll know that so I can move forward instead of wondering for the rest of my life if there's a fixable problem. Unless I give it my best go, though, I'll always wonder "what if". No matter what the outcome, I need to know that I've done all I can do :).
Thanks for all the encouragement both in comments and private e-mails...they mean more than you know!!
House is on....later, y'all! :)

Long time no post! :)

2008-05-04T22:58:00.002-05:00

I'm so far behind in all things computer-related...I was working so many hours on the job that when I got home all I wanted to do was eat and sleep. Friday was my last day on the job, though...and I'm looking forward to catching up. I am such a blog addict that it's been hard for me not being able to update...I have been somewhat better about updating on the family blog, but this one has suffered!
I'm about to need a new map...I always wondered how I'd know, but my high frequencies are starting to disappear and things are starting to sound slightly more muffled again. I am trying to hold off a couple more weeks...the Reno convention is in another month and I want a fresh, good map as close to then as possible. Comprehension is starting to slide just a bit...I noticed it mostly at work, but since I knew I'd be quitting soon I didn't panic too much. It's still good at home and in small groups, but in a lot of background noise and in restaurants I can tell a difference. I'm not worried, though...tweaking those frequencies will fix everything! :)
I heard something a couple of weeks ago that I'd never heard before...one of these.

I actually had no idea they made a sound, although, as my friend BigBear says, almost everything makes a sound...I've just never heard most of them. I was sitting on the patio sunning myself like a lizard on a rock and kept hearing this faint whirring sound. It was actually loud enough to get my attention (I had a magazine going), so I turned to figure out the source of the sound. There were quite a few of them falling all around me, and at first I was like, no way am I hearing THOSE, and then one fell just beside me, and I heard it whir and then heard a tiny sound as it hit the patio. My mouth was seriously hanging open...it was the first time ever to hear something so soft. Utter amazement!
Yesterday I was in the front of the house and heard something that I couldn't place but knew that it was outside. I asked Katie what it was, and about the time she told me I recognized it as the alarm on the car...apparently, we'd hit the "panic button" on the keyless remote. I guess it was fairly loud but Katie said she could barely hear it so I patted myself on the back for picking up that sound :)!
I've been thinking a lot lately about my first implant, and several of you have asked how I'm doing with it, and I thought I'd fill you in on what's going on with it...just a bit. If you're a long time reader of this blog, you know that I've struggled with Thing 1 quite a bit. It wasn't "right" from the beginning...while I did hear some sounds, I also feel sensations with every sound, and those never have become even close to being tolerable. In addition to the bad sound, I also have to deal with physical discomfort. When I lay on that ear, I feel a sensation of pressure on my eardrum, and if I touch that ear anywhere at all, it feels like something from behind is pushing my eardrum outward. I can't wear headphones or put an iPod earbud in that ear...because the air pressure is painful. Water in that ear is uncomfortable.
From the very beginning, I decided that the reason I wasn't hearing well was because I had been deaf for way too long...and accepted that. Having never had a CI before, I accepted the pain and pressure in my ear as just being part of having a CI, and even chalked it up to my being a little fussy about sensory things (the story "The Princess and the Pea" has my name written all over it). It wasn't until I had my second CI that I realized that the two were vastly different....in every way. The same surgeon did them both, and they are positioned in exactly the same place....from the outside, they look perfect. However, I have been hearing extraordinarily well with the second one...with no sensations at all...and the feeling of pressure inside my ear is simply not there...my second CI ear feels exactly as it did before the surgery...a plain old ear.
I have asked my surgeon to look into my first CI, and have talked to my audiologist about it...but to be perfectly honest, have gotten nowhere with that. I'm not a pushy person, and haven't pushed really hard, but admittedly, this approach hasn't gotten me anywhere. I contacted my local hearing aid audiologist to see if she'd take a look and she shot me an e-mail basically saying that she wouldn't touch a CI with a ten-foot pole (can't blame her for that).
So now...there is another approach in the works, which I am not going to go into a lot of detail about here, because I'm not sure it's the right time, but I'm hoping that we can get to the bottom of things soon. I quite frankly think that there was a surgical error...but have no way of knowing for sure without some cooperation from the medical profession. This doesn't change my opinion of my surgeon...in my opinion, he is one of the best...and errors happen occasionally even in the best of circumstances. I may very well be wrong, but I want desperately to know if anything can be done to make my first CI work. When I started this blog, it was with the hope that someday I'd hear with two ears...but so far, that just hasn't been the case. I hope that soon I'll have a little more information to share about that....one way or another...but it may take time.
I'm not discouraged about it...I heard with just one ear for thirty years, and I am overjoyed that I hear as well as I do with the one ear I have now. The fact that I have speech comprehension now that I've NEVER had before, and that I can hear tiny sounds that I didn't even know existed, is a source of thankfulness EVERY SINGLE DAY...I never get over being amazed at what a difference it's made in my life!
A few CI bloggers to visit today: David, over at Life in a Cone of Silence, was activated on Thursday, and has incredible, heartwarming stories to tell (and he'll make you laugh out loud, too). And I am enjoying reading Katie's blog...she had her implant surgery a couple of weeks ago and is waiting for her switch on! Go check 'em out!
OK, enough for now...I have GOT to make a grocery list...we have nothing to eat in this house! I'll try to post more soon....later, y'all! :)

The movie...

2008-04-21T21:11:00.002-05:00

...was great! For those of you that missed it, it was announced at the end of last night's movie that it will be released on DVD on May 15th (I plan to have my own copy!). I don't have ordering information but I know that a lot of the Hallmark Gold Crown stores sell those movies. I still haven't seen the first half hour of it...we had dinner last night at my mom and dad's and we missed a little of it. I recorded it at home, though, and plan to watch the first bit of it tonight.
I thought it was very educational and explained both sides of the debate fairly. A decision was not reached at the conclusion of the movie whether to implant or no...the parents, who had separated over the stress of the difficult decision, got back together and agreed to work things out together, as a family. In my opinion, a child that age (the boy was what, seven or eight?) should have some say in the matter...perhaps not be the one that makes the final decision, but at that age, their wishes should certainly be considered. If he wanted to hear...or if he didn't...would carry a significant amount of weight. Babies are an entirely different matter...their parents have the very weighty responsibility of making that decision entirely on their own.
As an adult CI user, I have the best of both worlds! I can finally hear...and hear well...and that's awesome, except for days like yesterday. Yesterday I was already a bit overloaded from a loud lunch and went to the Goodwill for some browsing time. No sooner had we started to shop than I realized that there was a particularly loud little girl exercising full lung capacity as her father wheeled her around the store. He would occasionally shush her, but it seemed to have absolutely no effect whatsoever. I gave it about five minutes, and was near the point of coming unglued from the sound, when the thought belatedly occurred to me to just take my ear off. And I did, and I shopped in total, complete silence...ah, bliss.
When I lost my hearing at age 4, my parents gave me everything I might possibly need...a hearing aid, sign language classes, a teacher's aide in school. They gave me the opportunity to have good speech, fair hearing, and sign language. As an adult, I'm now in the position to hear...or not...it's my decision. The computers inside my head don't mean anything without the processors I wear on my ears...without them my world is completely silent. I am in a position to decide for myself whether or not I want to hear...and I'm grateful that it's my decision...I'm grateful that my parents gave me the opportunities. I love hearing, and I love being able to have total quiet. My speech is fairly normal...I have deaf and hearing friends...I can work, listen to music, talk on the phone. I feel like I have the whole world available to me...and I can choose which path to take on any given day. I love that :)
I was tickled to see that Bionic Buddy, the Advanced Bionics mascot, was prominently featured in the movie...Buddy is one of my very favorite monkeys. One of my friends sent him to me after my bilateral surgery, and he is sitting here in the bedroom on top of the bookcase!! Word has it that the poster on the audiologist's wall featured my buddy Mike Royer, and that is WAY cool...I can't wait to see that part again and see for myself!
In unrelated news, I turned in my notice at work last Friday...May 2nd will be my last day to work. I might go back later on, in the fall perhaps, but we have family vacations, I have the Reno convention, and we have doctor appointments, end-of-school-year events, and just plain old being outside in the sunshine dates to keep :). I can't possibly get a tan standing at the register at the store! The kids miss me, I miss them, I hate how disorganized I've become, and am ready to be home for a while. I like that I am leaving on great terms, and have already been told that I'm very re-hirable...so I'm excited about the time off :)
OK...enough rambling for one night...my mom and Laurie both have been telling me how good "August Rush" is and I want to watch that before bed! Love y'all.... :)

Two things:

2008-04-20T07:53:00.001-05:00

This will be on tonight at 9 Eastern, 8 Central: Hallmark Hall of Fame's Sweet Nothing in My Ear. Marlee Matlin and Jeff Daniels co-star as parents embroiled in a debate over whether or not to implant their deaf child. This story may be hypothetical, but the debate is real and has gone on for years. The movie looks like it will be very good...check it out!

Also, another video can be found here (I wish I could embed it!!). Here is a bit of information on it:

Tune in to ParentsTV to watch Advanced Bionics' Bionic Buddy in his broadcast debut! The "Can My Baby Hear?" video, which aired yesterday (April 16), spotlights Buddy along with Advanced Bionics' customer New York Eye and Ear Infirmary and 18-month-old bilateral Harmony user Caitlyn in a powerful piece about the importance of early detection and intervention, and the value of cochlear implant technology in maximizing the hearing potential of children around the world.

"Can My Baby Hear?" is part of Parents' recently launched ParentsTV Reports, a broadcast portal dedicated to providing parents information on topics and issues related to raising healthy children. The video can also be viewed on the Web sites of Child and American Baby, and will also air on DirectTV.

If you look over the audie's shoulder while she's talking, you'll see a monkey with a CI sitting on her desk...his name is Buddy and he has a CI of his own. I have my very own Buddy (anyone surprised?) and my girls are crazy about him...his CI is velcroed on and they love playing with it!

Will return to your regularly scheduled blogging soon...but wanted to share these two videos with you and give you time to plan to watch (or tape) the movie tonight!
Love y'all! :)

Tagged!!

2008-04-16T10:28:00.001-05:00

I've been so SLOW getting around to this...I'm sorry!! I've been tagged by four of my sweet readers...David, Abbie, MomToToes, and Melissa. I saw it first on David's blog, then it has spread like wildfire among the CI bloggers!! I have had so much fun reading everyone else's answers!!

Here goes! :)

The Rules-
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player tags 5 people and posts their name, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

What was I doing 10 years ago:

Ten years ago I was seven months pregnant with my third child and already had a five year old and three year old. We had recently moved to a big house in a nice neighborhood and were about to find out that it was infested with Brown Recluse spiders *shudder*!.

Five Snacks I enjoy in a perfect, non-fattening world:
1. Blue Bell Ice Cream (I like nearly all flavors, but chocolate-covered strawberry is my favorite)
2. Krispy Kreme donuts
3. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
4. Chocolate anything (and the more, the better!)
5. PayDay candy bars

Five healthy snacks I enjoy:
1. Edamame
2. Bananas
3. Grapefruit
4. Sonic's Diet Cherry limeade (ok, it might not be healthy, but it's not fattening, either)
5. Trail mix

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Travel all over the world. I have a rather extensive mental list of places I want to go...and there are very few places that aren't on that list!
2. Donate money to various organizations and causes
3. Buy myself a "toy" car...something fun to drive besides my big ol' bus (right now I'm leaning towards a Cooper Mini)
4. If we stay in this town, I'd remodel this house...but my dream is to move to the big city somewhere, and we could definitely afford it then :)

Five jobs that I have had:
1. Librarian's assistant in high school
2. Prep cook at Mariano's Restaurant in Lubbock, Texas
3. Bookkeeping/secretarial stuff at my BIL's heating and cooling business here in town
4. Photo lab assistant
5. Cashier at a local department store

Three of my habits:
1. Computer junkie...big time!
2. Coffee...every morning as soon as my eyes open
3. Checking e-mail on my BlackBerry

Five place I have lived:
1. Middle Tennessee
2. Henderson, Tennessee
3. Lubbock, Texas
4. Middle Tennessee
5. Middle Tennessee (*sigh*)

Add one new part:
What do you consider to be your best and worst qualities?
I'm a very outgoing, friendly people-person, and rarely meet a stranger...and being able to hear has just really brought that out even more. However, I'm terribly disorganized and scattered...and that makes me, and a lot of people that know me, absolutely crazy sometimes!

Five People I Want to Get to Know Better: (a nice way of saying TAG!) But don't feel obligated!
I am not gonna tag anyone for this...because so many of the CI bloggers have already been tagged, and something similar to this went around a while back and a lot of my other blogfriends have already done this. However, if you would like to play, I wish you would...and let me know that you've done it, so I can come visit!! :)

Home again...and exhausted!

2008-04-14T22:06:00.000-05:00

I got home last night around 11:30 PM...whew! I had to be up to get the girls off to school around 6:30, and had to be at work at 10 so today has been a long, tiring day. Tomorrow I have to be at the orthodontist with Will at 9, and I go in to work whenever we're done with that...so I'm trying to get this posted quick and hop into bed!
The walk was AWESOME! I had a bit of a time getting up and moving...I asked Rosemary to wake me up at 6, and we left the house at 7. We got to the walk site about half an hour later, and I had a great time meeting the Florida folks for about two and a half hours (the walk started at 10). I met several other CI users and we had a great time swapping stories. I got to see Molly again...which was a real treat. I met her first online, here on the blog, then I met her in Oklahoma City. She is SUCH a sweetheart! Always smiling and so friendly and encouraging...a real cheerleader...gotta love that! At around 10 Kathy and Judy Martin offered a few opening remarks and then we were led in a rousing workout by a personal trainer. I have to admit that I was just about more tired after the workout than I was after the walk! ;)
We hit the trail around 10. I didn't have any trouble with it at all...in fact, I thought it ended too quickly. I thought it was going to be a 5K (3.1 miles) and it ended up being just two miles, so it was over pretty fast. I did stop about halfway along the route to run my mouth a bit with a fella that will be having CI surgery in a couple of months (wanted to cheer him on a bit, you understand) and then ran to catch up with the crowd. There was lunch for everyone and we stood around and talked for another couple of hours before we headed back to Kathy's house. I enjoyed so much meeting other deaf and hard of hearing folks...they feel almost like family, it seems, because of the common bond we have. There were people that signed, people who wore hearing aids, people with CIs, adorable tiny little ones with CIs (awwww!!), people with service dogs (it was SO hard to "not pet"...some of them were just adorable!), and a few hearing people that showed up to support family and friends. I think there were between 150 and 200 people there, although I'm not positive...and nearly 50,000 was raised for HLAA!! AWESOME!!!
When we got back to Kathy's house I packed up my things, and after saying good-bye to my gracious hostess (and her hubby, Tom) and Rosemary, I hit the road again. Kathy and Rosemary are planning to be at the HLAA convention in June, so I'll be seeing them again VERY soon...can't wait! :)
I headed north from there...up towards Augusta, GA. I spent the night in Statesboro, GA, which is about an hour and a half or so from Augusta. I was so tired that night that I think I was asleep before I hit the bed. The Hampton Inn I stayed at there had just been remodeled...it wasn't too fancy in general but the bedding was so luxurious that I just kinda sank into it and was a goner literally within seconds. It was SO hard to get up and get going the next day!!
I went to church in Augusta on Sunday morning ( can say that I was in Augusta, GA on Masters Sunday...in the same town with Tiger Woods...cool eh?) and then met one of my online friends, Gloria, for lunch. Gloria works for Advanced Bionics and has long been one of my favorite online people...and I had been wanting to meet her for quite some time. I gave her a little warning that I was on the way and she suggested we meet for lunch at O'Charley's. We had a GREAT visit...she's one of those people that seems to have a gift for making people feel right at home with her. I felt like I'd known her for years...what a sweetheart (Gloria, I'm STILL working on my phone...got the javascript thing working, but still not the IM....grrrrr!)! She, too, will be at the convention in June...and I'm so excited about seeing her again! :)
I left Augusta (or attempted to...I managed to get turned around trying to find the interstate...grrr) around 2, and drove to Atlanta. On one of my previous trips I had visited a congregation there and hit it off really well with a terrific lady named Maryanne. Maryanne took me under her wing immediately and invited me out to dinner that night and we stayed out and talked until close to midnight. I was anxious to see her again and decided I'd try to surprise her. Surprise her I did...after a few seconds of uncertainty (you could just see the data processing going on in her head), she recognized me and nearly leapt over her pew in an effort to reach me. The last time I saw her was after I FIRST started losing my hearing back in 2006...before my first CI. The first thing she said was, "CAN YOU HEAR??" She was overjoyed to know that that I could indeed hear!! After church her congregation had a potluck at a nearby auditorium and she invited me to come along (actually, she and her husband asked me several times to stay overnight with them, but I really felt like I needed to get home). I did take her up on the offer...free dinner was not to be turned down...and it gave us more time to visit and catch up. She co-piloted while I drove to where the potluck was...and was delighted that I could hear her as I drove. I got to meet several of her friends at the dinner, and eat lots of good casseroles (we Southern women love our casseroles, you understand!).
I left Atlanta around 8...and drove straight home, only stopping once for a bathroom break. When I got home I was so tired that the only thing I brought upstairs was the laptop and my purse...I asked hubby to just leave the car today so I could unload it at leisure this afternoon (and he did). I was asleep about 20 minutes after walking in the door...I don't remember anything after hitting the bed!
I finally got a few pictures up! They're here at the Picasa Web Albums. Check 'em out!
I'll be back tomorrow...I've been tagged for a couple of memes and I am DEFINITELY playing along! :) And I will tell the cop story tomorrow!
Love y'all!! :)

What an awesome trip!!

2008-04-14T16:18:00.002-05:00

Gas: $160.00
Food: $25.00 (yes, you read that right...for an entire weekend...there really is such a thing as a free lunch!)
Coffee: $8.00 (I bought two cups at Starbucks, and at one exit asked at a Daily's if there was a Starbucks nearby, and the girl at the counter said no, but treated me to a free large coffee...sweet!)
New blouse for the convention and a new Kermit the Frog purse: $21.00
A book on CD to listen to on the road: $65.00 (I'll get $60.00 of it back when I return it to the Cracker Barrel)
Hotel for one night: $110.00
Speeding ticket on the way to Augusta: to be determined *sigh*
Meeting new friends, seeing old ones again, making a cop chuckle, and knowing without a doubt that you're making a difference: Priceless!

Hello from Tampa!!

2008-04-11T23:24:00.002-05:00

I'm here!! :) I'm on Kathy's computer, since she doesn't have wireless and she told me to make myself at home on hers (wasn't that sweet?). I don't want to upload pictures to her computer so I will try tomorrow to get a few up...wherever I end up tomorrow night (yet to be determined!)
I got to Tallahassee after a looooong day of driving at about 5 PM last night. Joyce and Zemi met me at the door. It was awesome seeing Joyce again and Zemi greeted me warmly...with a real heart-melting smile! What a beautiful baby! We visited for a few minutes then we headed out for a while. We went to the ballpark so I could meet her hubby Jason and her two boys, then us three girls went out to eat at a yummy little local Italian restaurant. We had planned to go shopping for a bit afterwards but Zemi was feeling kinda puny so we headed back to the house. I was going to do a bit of blogging...posting pictures and all...but the cable kept coming on and going off, finally going off and STAYING off, so I gave up. We talked until about 1:30 and then I CRASHED!!!
Woke up this morning, took some Advil for my headache (allergies have been HORRIBLE lately), got ready, and then we headed out. We went to Starbucks for some coffee, then hit up the brand new Kohl's in Joyce's neighborhood (it is less than ten minutes from her house and I am insanely jealous!). From there we took a whirlwind tour of a few sites in downtown Tallahassee. Tallahassee is the capital city (I didn't know that) of Florida and we drove right by the governer's mansion...cool! We didn't have a lot of time because I needed to hit the road for Tampa and we had to go to the Whataburger first! I got me a big old burger (I have photographic evidence) and dreamed of living in a Whataburger neighborhood. That big old burger filled me up...I haven't really been hungry again since.
I said good-bye to Joyce and family and headed for Tampa around 2...and would have probably gotten here around 7 but took a detour to find a Wal-Mart and was detoured longer than I intended to be. First off I had to FIND the Wal-Mart...and then it ended up being the OLDEST Wal-Mart I'd ever been in...seriously, I think it was older than I am...then had to find what I was there for (I asked for directions a lot) then had to get checked out (of course, my line was held up). Then I decided to try to find an alternate, faster route back to the interstate, which ended up being a much slower, terribly convoluted route (can we say "lost"?). That detour set me back about an hour!
I got to Tampa around 8 PM. Great timing, because it was nearly too dark for me to see the directions by that point. I got on my first ever toll road (well, the first that I remember, anyway) and found Kathy's house. Kathy is one of the co-chairs for the Tampa walk and such an incredibly dear hostess! I met her sister Rosemary online several months ago...she had her CI surgery the day after I had my second surgery back in November...and when I told her I was coming to Tampa they offered me a bed to sleep on. Rosemary is just as sweet in person as she seemed to be in her e-mails and I have felt so at home here!
Tomorrow, registration for the walk starts early, and the walk itself starts at 10 AM. I have NOT been walking...so tomorrow night I may be too pooped to blog, but I'm going to do my best! I seem to be able to blog by BlackBerry fairly well, but am having issues getting my pictures posted...seems like something always comes up. Maybe tomorrow! (and there will be plenty of them after that!). Bad news...the BlackBerry just posts to my family blog. If I do any "moblogging" I'll copy and paste here, perhaps, later....or you can go visit the family blog here for the play by play in case I'm slow! :)
OK...off to bed...it's late and we're getting up at *ack* 6 AM!
THANK YOU again to everyone that's supported me...financially and by e-mail...your encouragement has been incredible! I have had nearly 40 people to donate and we've raised nearly 1200.00. I'm a little annoyed that the website didn't list all of my donors, but found out that there are a limited number of names that that it will post, and it posts the highest donations first. I hate that...because every single donation, no matter what the amount, meant a tremendous amount to me. If I can get hold of my walk t-shirt before the walk I'm going to print everyone's names that supported me on it...and y'all can walk with me...won't that be fun?
OK...SERIOUSLY off to bed now! Love y'all! :)

Takin' a road trip!

2008-04-09T22:50:00.003-05:00

I'm leaving in the morning for Florida! The Walk4Hearing will be Saturday morning bright and early and I'm just taking my sweet time getting there. I'm taking a little detour through Tallahassee to see Joyce...and will stay there tomorrow night. Then it's on to Tampa...I plan to get there sometime Friday night. The rest of the weekend will basically just be played by ear...depending on how tired I am, etc. I will be blogging about it as it happens...so stay tuned for pictures and the play-by-play!
There is a Whataburger in Tallahassee, and Joyce has promised to take me for lunch on Friday...hooray! (can you tell it doesn't take much to make this girl happy?)
I did a little packing and a good bit of cleaning today, then went off to get my hair worked on for a while. I had been having issues with the hair ever since I cut it several weeks ago...and could NOT get it right. I'm proud to say that I think we got a handle on it today and it looks better than it has in a while...*whew*. There will be pictures over the next few days so you'll have opportunity to see it...and that's all I'll say about that! :)
Packing with the new ear has been different from my normal packing routine...I haven't traveled with all the CI gear before. When I went to OKC last summer I just took the charger and the processor and that was about it. I think I figured that if anything happened I wouldn't be much worse off, since I didn't hear that well with it to start with. This time, though, I want all systems go at all times, so I've packed everything but the European outlet converter (I hope I won't need that in Florida). I have the car charger so I can charge batteries in the car if need be. I'm also wired to the teeth with BlackBerry, charger for that, camera, charger for camera battery, laptop, and laptop cord. I have more "stuff" than clothes, I think!
David came through his melonectomy fine...and has quite the incision to show for it! Laurie also has gorgeous grandbaby pictures posted...I would love to get my hands on that little one!
OK...off to bed...but watch this space! I'll be posting from Florida soon! Prayers for my safety will, of course, be appreciated!!
Love y'all! :)

Today, I heard.......

2008-04-06T21:52:00.003-05:00

a bird twittering outside...through a closed window! I am amazed...I haven't EVER heard that well before!!
I was in the bathroom, and I heard a tiny tweeting sound...and thought, "That sounds like a bird, but it can't be...the window's closed." I listened some more, and thought, "That just HAS to be a bird...that's what it sounds like!" So I opened the window, and sure enough...that's what it was! I was tickled pink over that discovery! Noisy little bird! Considering the fact that my higher frequencies are still lower than the rest, I am amazed that I'm hearing those little chirps so well!
I've been listening to them a lot lately...our air conditioner isn't working just right and it's been getting a good bit warmer, so we've been leaving the windows open occasionally for a little air. The first time I sat in the bed with the laptop and heard the birds outside, I was just enthralled...I couldn't believe they were so clear. Of course, the spell was broken a few minutes later by a horrible sound that I had to think on for a few minutes before I ascertained that it was my son dragging the garbage cans down our gravel driveway to the road for pickup. It wasn't a pleasant sound, necessarily...but I could hear it and identify it...which was a big deal :).
I was in the bedroom today and heard the TV in the living room...the announcer was saying "blah blah blah AT EIGHT, SEVEN CENTRAL, RIGHT HERE ON DISNEY CHANNEL". I was tickled that I heard it and understood it all the way back in the bedroom...although, now that I think about it, that may be a sign that our TV's too loud. My girls are all gonna be deaf in a few years!
I have noticed lately, though, that I seem to be losing my lip-reading ability a bit! I used to be a pro at it...I estimate that I could probably pick up around 90% of what was said just by lipreading alone, if the lighting was good. I had one particularly memorable conversation with my son last week, though, while I was enjoying a "quiet day" without my CI. The conversation consisted of him rattling on and on for about a minute and a half, and then me saying, "I didn't get a word of that...you'll have to wait until I've got my ear on." Good grief! I know that part of it might be attributed to the fact that I'm hearing so well that nobody takes pains to speak carefully and enunciate clearly anymore...but it's getting harder to do...no two ways about it! Oy! As long as I have my CI, though, I won't worry too much about it...I don't miss much with that :)
OK...I know that a lot of you visit over at Abbie's blog, and I know that what I'm about to tell you won't be news to many of you, but when she posted a while back about the Sprint Web Cap Tel, I'll be honest with you, I didn't even pay attention. I have had captioned phones (which I stubbornly refused to use even one time...aren't I awful?) and I have also used online relay services. I thought that the Sprint Web CapTel fell into the latter category, and I'd been there, done that, didn't care much about it one way or another, so I just went on to the next post in my Google Reader. Well, tonight I was pestering Abbie on the IM and we got to talking about my phone phobia. I have gotten relatively (relatively being the key word here) comfortable talking to SOME people on the phone...but I am VERY particular about who I talk to...unless it's really important, I will only talk to family. I have called to make my own doctor appointments before (and done OK with that) and even called a woman about fund-raising (that also went well)...yet still I get sweaty palms when I think about making those phone calls. Years of phone conversations gone wrong have left me shaky, even though my hearing is light years better than it's ever been. PLUS...in the past couple of years, I've amassed quite a few awesome CI friends...and I would LOVE to talk to them on the phone, personally...but am nervous...will they be able to understand me? Will I be able to understand them? Will we muddle our way through a conversation and finally hang up in frustration? I've threatened to call Laurie several times, but we've never actually done it...I'm too chicken to call her.
Well...no more...Abbie set the record straight for me! Sprint's Web CapTel is a completely different animal...you use your own phone...just talk back and forth like regular ol' hearing folks...and your conversation is captioned right there on your web browser! I don't know if it's something I'd ALWAYS want to do, but it would be a great way to get started with a new phone conversant...just to see how difficult the conversation will be. I have found that after I listen to someone's voice for a little while I don't have much trouble understanding the words...it's just the first few initial conversations that are the hardest. I can see this being an awesome tool! Check it out here :) Abbie and I are planning a phone conversation VERY soon so she can walk me through it...I can hardly wait!! :D
***Side note: If you're a fan of Abbie's...check THIS OUT! You won't be sorry!!!
Keep David in your thoughts and prayers for a few days...he's joining us in Cyborg-Land on Tuesday!! I'm SO excited for him!!!!!
OK...headed to bed...two more days of work ahead, then a very special trip coming up...stay tuned! :)

Heads up!

2008-04-01T07:17:00.002-05:00

Go over to Laurie's blog and tell her I sent you. It's her birthday today, and she got one of the best presents ever yesterday...her first grandchild!!! Congratulations are in order!! Love you, Laurie...and I'm so happy for you!! Happy Birthday! :)

Hilarious!

2008-03-27T01:00:00.002-05:00

Stolen from Imagine: (click to bigify)

It's actually one of my pet peeves, but I tolerate it because I know people don't mean anything by it. I couldn't tell you how many times I've been asked "why are you "death"?" or told "I didn't know you were "death"!" I'm nearly always briefly tempted to tell them that there's an "F" on the end of the word...it's D-E-A-F...but I'm just grateful that they're interested, so I usually let it go.
This cartoon struck me VERY funny, though...so I had to share it....just a little deaf humor to make you smile :)
Love y'all! :)

One Year

2008-03-25T22:51:00.001-05:00

One year ago today, at this time (10:30 PM or so), I was at the wheel of the van, headed towards San Diego, California, with my children and in-laws in tow. It was a remarkable trip for a lot of reasons...it was largely unplanned, very quickly thrown together, and the passenger list was actually decided upon just that day. It was a fun idea that snowballed rapidly and turned in to an incredible trip. One thing that none of us counted on when we planned this trip, though, was that I would be completely deaf for the entire thing.
That morning my brother-in-law preached to fill in for our preacher, who was out of town that day. While he was preaching, I heard a sharp "pop"...it actually startled me quite a bit...then the tinnitus roared to life, and Doug's voice got softer and softer. Within minutes, I was only hearing the loudest of sounds with my hearing aid.
I didn't even pause from packing from the trip. The whole hearing mess had started one year earlier on March 30th, 2006, when I suddenly lost about 5 decibels in my one good ear smack in the middle of a conversation. It never came back....but over the next few months it fluctuated a good bit, getting worse, then bouncing back. Several times I thought "this is it!" but it always came back, leaving me feeling a bit like the boy who cried wolf, so I finally learned to ignore it.
This time, I suspected that things were different....I'd never heard that pop before...and it sounded awfully final...but for all I knew, it would come back. And I figured that if I was going to go deaf, I could do it just as well in California...and have a lot more fun doing it there.
Two weeks on the road was quite long enough for me to know that it wasn't coming back. I ditched the hearing aid about halfway through the trip...the sounds I was hearing were too muffled and annoying to be any use. I had brought my first CI, the infamous Thing 1, along on the trip, but wasn't in the mood to deal with it, so I just enjoyed the trip in silence. The Grand Canyon wasn't any less grand because I couldn't hear, and the Whataburgers were just as tasty, and if the kids fought all the way there and all the way back, it didn't bother me a bit. I was on a road trip, people, and life was good...I'd deal with it when I came back.
Between March 25th and November 20th, my world was largely silent. I did make a bigger effort to wear my first CI and actually had some measure of success with it, but the sounds I heard and felt with it were so uncomfortable and disconcerting that after a few months I largely abandoned it, wearing it only when I felt it was absolutely crucial. I learned that if I went to Wal-Mart or to church or out to dinner without being able to hear, the world didn't come to an end. It was kind of a clumsy existence...people had to repeat themselves a lot, and often conversations were just cut short because I got tired of trying to keep up, but I learned something...that the quiet life was OK. When I wore my hearing aid, I wore it nearly 24 hours a day...I think that I was actually somewhat afraid of missing anything. When I didn't have a choice anymore, I discovered that the world kept on going whether I could hear it or not.
It was a lonely summer. I didn't invite a lot of face-to-face communications with anyone...it was easier to avoid them than to struggle through them. I did go to the Hearing Loss convention in Oklahoma City and that was a great thing for me...meeting other people who understood how I was feeling was so validating for me...they made me feel so perfectly normal instead of like the deaf outsider that I had allowed myself to become.
In November, blessed with a brand new cochlear implant and a massive support system comprised of real life friends and family, an army of bloggers, and deaf, hard of hearing, and CI buddies all over the world, I joined the ranks of the hearing once again. I was one of the lucky ones who had great hearing straight out of the box...and it has changed my life. I learned so much about who I was and what I wanted and who I wanted to be during those quiet months...they gave me lots of opportunities for contemplation...and with my new ear, I was ready to take on the world. I still have days where I feel a bit whiny and grouchy...hey, when it's 70 degrees one day and snowing three days later, and it seems like winter's never going to end, and I'm working more hours than I can keep up with, every now and then I like to indulge in a brief pity party. However, for the most part I look for and find joy all around me...and I'm so grateful to be where I am today.
One year has made such a huge difference. I'm not sure I would have chosen it to be the way it was, but I wouldn't trade it for all the gold in China...it's been a huge blessing to me in so many ways. It's amazing how much things can change in a year, isn't it?

Thanks again to all my supporters...the money total keeps growing and growing and growing!! I am well over 800.00 now and the donations keep coming in. You have no idea how grateful I am!!! You are making such a huge difference...and you are being a HUGE encouragement to me as well! I have the AWESOMEST cheerleaders!! THANK YOU!
Let me ask for prayers here for Daddy...he apparently brought malaria home with him from Nigeria. He started feeling really bad yesterday and they started him on the medication for it right away. I do expect that he'll recover quickly, but I know he would appreciate the prayers very much!!
The meltdown at work produced results...Monday I had the privilege of personally overseeing them change my available hours on the computer...to no more than 25 hours a week...and the manager and I went over the schedule with a red felt-tip pen and he lightened up my workload for the next couple of weeks as well. I feel like I can BREATHE again...it's SO nice!! I am off for the next two days. Tomorrow I'm going to catch up on house and computer work, and Thursday the girls and I are indulging in a little retail therapy (they're all out on Spring Break this week)! Hooray! :)
My computer crashed earlier today, so I've been re-installing all night...still have some work to do, so I'm going to head out and get busy. Love y'all....... :)

After just 24 hours.....

2008-03-20T23:37:00.002-05:00

...I've raised $445.00....just 55.00 away from my goal! I have gotten several e-mails and talked to several more people today that are promising to help me out as well...and I'm tickled pink....you people are wonderful!!! I've even had a couple of donations from people I don't even know...which, to me, is amazing...that people reach out and give so willingly to help. THANK YOU!!!!
I appreciate your donations so much...and can't wait to see what the next few days and weeks will bring! :)
Will post more tomorrow...it's been a long day and I'm going to bed...have to be at work at 9 AM! Love y'all! :) (((hugs)))

Taking a trip!!

2008-03-19T22:25:00.001-05:00

I'm taking a trip (hooray!)! Here are a few details...and a request for help.
In mid-April, I'll be going to Tampa, Florida (with a side trip to Tallahassee to see one of my favorite bloggers and hopefully I'll also get to see Susan while I'm there!!) . In Tampa, I'll be participating in the Walk4Hearing, a fund-raiser to support the Hearing Loss Association of America.
If you've known me any time at all, you know my story pretty well. I considered myself "hard-of-hearing" for years, despite being profoundly deaf in both ears (completely deaf in one). I tried to pretty much pretend that I was just as normal as the next hearing person...a misguided sense of shame and embarrassment about being different and perhaps somehow not as good as everyone else kept me from accepting the deafness for what it was.
In March of 2006 I started losing the hearing in my good ear...and quickly started scrambling to get my last line of defense in place...my cochlear implant. I had my "bad ear" done in November of 2006, with only moderate success, due to such a long period of deafness. In March of 2007, I was sitting in church one Sunday morning and heard a pop...and suddenly, I was officially, totally, completely deaf. Forget "hard-of-hearing"...to quote my buddy David, this girl was as deaf as a wheel of cheese.
I've been prone to depression for several years now, and that was just about the last straw for me. Around that time I got an e-mail from the Hearing Loss Association touting their convention in Oklahoma City and decided that maybe taking a trip somewhere would do me good, so I asked Laurie to go with me. That convention was literally life-changing...I came home much more confident, more sure of myself, and not only more comfortable with being deaf, but literally, perhaps, blessed by it. I still had terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days when I felt left out of conversations and lonely and stressed...par for the course, of course...but my attitude about myself had changed. I got much more involved with other deaf/hard-of-hearing/CI users, both online and in my area, and have found that helping other people deal with with their hearing loss is something that I love doing more than anything. After getting my second implant in November, and having just amazing results with that one, it energized me even more! :) I love posting on the Advanced Bionics forums and getting to know the prospective CI users and sharing stories with the new implantees and the ones that are still hearing new sounds years later. I don't feel sorry for myself or embarrassed about being deaf anymore...I think that it was something given to me so that I could use it to help other people. That's something I've always wanted to do in some way...and in the past year, I've been able to do that more, I think, than ever before, in any other way. People ask me at work nearly every day about the thing I'm wearing on my ear...it's slightly bigger than a hearing aid, much prettier, and if you look closely, you can see the coil in my hair (you'll be able to see it even better now that I've chopped my hair off!)...and I love telling them about it...most people don't know anything about this technology and they are excited and interested in learning more about it. I've not only come to grips with being deaf, but have finally embraced it...it's part of who I am, and while it has its downsides, I'm not even sure I'd trade it anymore...I've learned to be quite comfortable and happy with who I am.
The Hearing Loss Association brings the deaf and hard of hearing together and helps them to help each other...and themselves. It educates and advocates and inspires. It helps to fight our insurance, telephone, and closed captioning battles....just to name a few. It's a hard-working organization...and I want to get involved! The walk will raise money for the national organization as well as for the Florida group. I chose that one because of its location and because I actually know a few people in that area!! I am hoping that in the next few years Nashville will be able to take on a project like this...but since it's not going to happen this year, I am going to take a little trip for this one :).
I have set a personal goal of raising $500.00. I think that will be fairly easy to do...and I hope to pass that goal as much as possible. I haven't ever asked for money from friends and family before, and I hate doing it, but I know that some of you will help, so here's my request. Go to my personal page here (you can also reach it by clicking on the link in my sidebar) and check out my donation request. I'm tickled pink because I've already gotten my first donation (Thanks, Karyn!!!) and hope to reach my goal in just a matter of days. Would you consider helping out? EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS!!!!
I think that the web form only accepts credit cards...but if I know you well enough, I'll consider sending you my address for you to donate in other ways if you prefer. And if you're bashful about your gift, the form will allow you to donate anonymously...I think. It would mean a lot to me...and it will make a difference!!
Will be back to the regularly scheduled posting soon! :)
Love y'all.....

Audiogram from 2/29/08

2008-03-06T23:28:00.003-06:00

This finally came in today's mail....hooray! :) (click on it to make it bigger and much more readable!)
I looked it over and initially thought that it was better than my previous (Dec. '07) audiogram, but fact is, it's nearly identical. I've gained 5 dB in the 3000 hz range...but other than that...identical :). I hear in almost every frequency in the 30 dB range, until we get to the higher frequencies, where it drops down to 35 and 45 dB. There is still time for it to change, but I don't anticipate getting those higher frequencies up too much higher. My curiosity is piqued now, though, and I am wondering what my old audiograms look like...the ones before I was even considering a CI. Think I'll call the local audie and ask her if she has them...I'm having fun comparing results!!
Testing results are all at the bottom of the page :)!

Mapping, Testing, and Movies

2008-03-01T11:39:00.002-06:00

I went for my 3 month CI mapping and testing yesterday. I hadn't had a new map since the end of January sometime and could really tell that I needed one...things sounded terrible. Most sounds were muffled and hard to make out and my comprehension was starting to really suffer as a result. When I got to the office, Susan took me straight into the sound room. I protested and told her that I didn't want her to test me yet...because everything sounded so awful...but she said, "Well, we'll do the audiogram and then we'll see how that goes." Well...the audiogram was awful...I don't know if any of my frequencies were above 40 dB, and the little dots on the paper were in a nasty zigzag pattern instead of a nice straight line. So she agreed to take me back to the programming room and we worked on programming for a bit. I had brought the laptop with me and opened up Windows Media Player to play some music for us so we would have a better idea of what to work on. The past few weeks I've been able to hear music, but mostly only men's voices. Women's voices were either distorted or almost imperceptible. Sarah Brightman singing "Time to Say Goodbye" is one of my gold standards for the high notes...before my map yesterday I couldn't hear her singing much at all...and now I can hear nearly every note clearly. Unfortunately...we can't bring the high frequencies up in that ear as much as I'd like yet...and that may or may not get better...but I'm OK with that :). My new audiogram looks similar to the one done at two weeks post-activation...which is here (she is mailing the new one to me and I'll post it when it comes in).
I honestly think that having those two electrodes turned off for a month set me back quite a bit...I had to get used to the way things sounded without them (awful)...and about the time I got to where I could live with it...we were able to turn them back on again. At last month's mapping session when we turned them back on, we didn't do a lot of mapping...we just basically turned them back on, was what it seemed like...and I have known since the very first day that it wasn't a great map and that it would need work. Yesterday's was much more thorough and we got a much better sound quality and some more much needed volume. I am not scheduled for another map until June 9th...but I'm sure I'll need to go back in before then, since we're a little behind, I think.
ANYHOW...after all that, we went back in the sound room and did the new audiogram, then did the 3-month tests. I scored 99% on sentences...then 75% on sentences with background noise. She did one more test with single-syllable words, and I didn't do so hot on that one (it's amazing how hard it can be to distinguish between "book" and "cook" and "bite" and "kite"...that kind of thing)...I scored 65% on that one...but I was still fairly pleased with that result...pre-CI, I wouldn't have been able to hear any of them!! Whoohooo!! I still can't get over it!
Last night hubby wanted to go out with his sister Lisa and her hubby to see "The Bucket List"...and since that was one of the movies that I have been wanting to see, I was looking forward to it. We didn't get to leave until around 5:30 and it was nearly dark...but I thought I'd just see how I did riding in the car, listening to my sister-in-law, without having to turn the lights on. We drove about 40 minutes in the dark, and I didn't miss but a word or two that she said...and I could hear bits and pieces of what the guys were saying in the front seat. I have always hated going somewhere with anyone at night...either we rode with the lights on, or I'd have to sit there in silence and miss everything being said around me. I remember one time in particular several years ago when we went to dinner with a bunch from church and were all in a big van with no lights in the back....I rode for over an hour in complete silence because I had no idea what everyone was talking about...that was so frustrating. I usually chose to drive on occasions like that...because that way, at least I'd have something to do instead of just SITTING THERE. I love knowing that I won't have to do that anymore!!
The movie itself...I understood probably 60-70% of what was said...which, for me, is really good. Movies are so loud...they are filled with background noises and music and people talking without looking at the cameras...that I've never picked up much of anything at them before. I would have done even better if my battery hadn't died about 20 minutes from the end. I had meant to change it before we went out and forgotten. I had a sneaking suspicion that the spare I had in my purse was dead, and that was confirmed...so I had to lipread my way through the last bit and all the way home (we had the lights on in the car on the way back, for sure). For those people out there that want to know if a CI means I'm not deaf anymore...nope...not by a long shot...when I can hear, it's really good, but when I can't, I'm deafer than I've ever been ("deaf as a brick" is what I tell folks :)). I'm a little more excited now about going to moves than I've ever been before...because I think I can enjoy them now...something I've just really never been able to do :).
Enough....gotta get off here and get ready for work! I'll post that audiogram when I get it (in the next few days, I hope). Love y'all.....

Long time no post, eh?

2008-02-21T00:11:00.002-06:00

...I know, I know...I'm a slacker, aren't I? If it makes you feel any better, I've neglected my family blog just as much, and I have a lot more readers on that one...think they're all about to give up on me! It's just a combination of being tired (worked 40 hours both last week and the week before...I know that some of you do that every week, but you gotta remember that this is still kinda new to me!), being short on time, and being uninspired to write anything.
This week has been a nice one work-wise...I worked Monday and Tuesday, and I'm off until Saturday. I was scheduled to work today (Thursday) but my dear friend Gwen Pace died last Wednesday and her memorial service is this afternoon in Nashville, so I'm going to that. Gwen was one of the founding members of the Nashville HLAA chapter and she was a very dedicated worker and encourager. The first time I ever met anyone with a CI was in Nashville at a CI Club meeting, and Gwen was one of the first people I met that day. She had a Med-El implant that she proudly took off to show me and was very encouraging in my desire to learn more about getting a CI of my own. She was so excited about any and all progress that I made with my first CI, and she showed up for my surgery when I had my second CI done and sat with my family in the waiting room. I talked to her just after I was activated and told her that I was hearing EVERYTHING...even talking on the phone...and she was so excited for me, you'd think that it was her own personal success. I'm going miss that sweet lady!!
I spent today listening to music on YouTube and working on captioning another video (a pain in the heinie, that). I am frustrated with my activation videos...I can understand my audie pretty well, but I CANNOT UNDERSTAND MYSELF! Pretty awful when you can't understand what you're saying, is it? I'm going to keep at them, though, and I think eventually I'll be able to figure most of it out...but it's definitely taking longer than I thought it would. I've been going through my YouTube playlist listening to some old (and new) favorites, trying to see what everything sounds like so I can talk to Susan next week about what I need to change. Before the electrode issues at the end of the year, I was able to hear Sarah Brightman hitting the high notes, and I can't now, so I definitely need to up my high frequencies a bit...other than that, everything sounds awesome! Anyone have any recommendations on anything I should be trying out?
I'm also a huge American Idol fan this season...my favorite so far is David Cook (cutie pie punk rocker who happens to be a great singer with awesome stage presence!) although Michael Johns is a close second. I love that I can hear the music well enough to enjoy this show...three months ago yesterday, on activation day, I had no idea that it would be this awesome.
My speech comprehension seems to be picking up big-time the past few days. I think that several weeks of working in noisy situations has helped my brain to sort out voices from background noise fairly well. I definitely still have to read lips more in noise, but in quiet, comprehension is near 100%...consistently...as long as I am listening to a fairly good speaker (once again, my struggles with my activation video makes me wonder if I don't need to take speech classes or something...ugh!). I was at Sonic Monday and heard a siren and looked for it...and it was way, way down the road, coming my way. Before this surgery, I couldn't hear sirens at all. I hear the dogs barking outside and my kids talking to me in the car (in the DARK!!). I'm amazed and amused every single time I listen to someone talk without lipreading and get everything they say...the wonder of it all is still just overwhelming.
The comprehension part still throws me for a loop because I never, ever had that. I did talk on the phone a little bit before, but only with family members, and even then I still probably only got about half of what they were saying (if they weren't family, it was disaster, pure and simple). In April of 2006, before I ever got my first CI, I went for an audiogram to see if I should even bother with the CI candidacy, and I scored a whopping 8% in comprehension (that audiogram here). The words were spoken at the 105 decibel level...and no lipreading was allowed...and I got 8%. Pitiful, eh? I scored higher at the actual CI evaluations...49%...because the lipreading portion of the testing really boosted that score (I scored 100% on lipreading sentences)....but as far as the actual hearing went...I didn't comprehend much.
Now...I think I'll score close to 100% on those sentences next week, seriously...and my phone comprehension is, seriously, close to 90%, I guess. My hubby called tonight while we were in the Mexican restaurant, and I panicked. I had told him before NOT TO CALL ME THERE because it's just LOUD in there, and the T-coil doesn't work with the BlackBerry, but he was calling, so I thought I'd take a shot at answering. And amazingly, I heard every word (admittedly, I kept the conversation brief, but still....). I can hear my kids talk in the car, in the dark, as I said before, and can just sit and LISTEN at church...and not have to strain to read lips. It hasn't grown old yet...I'm still so in awe that I can do this...because it's all so new and amazing. If I never hear well with both ears together, I am amazed at what the second one has done for me. It's a blessing from God and a marvel of technology from Advanced Bionics!
Keep these folks in your thoughts...my friend Sheila, who had CI surgery on Tuesday (she's now bilateral...GO Sheila!) and an online buddy Zubair, who had his CI surgery on Feb. 11th. I'm excited for them both...and can't wait for them to get healed up and hearing!!!! (Ronald...you out there? What's up with you?)
OK...off to bed...long weekend ahead, and I have totally rambled long enough to make up for any lack of posting in the past few days ;)! Have an awesome weekend, everyone.... (((hugs)))

Short and sweet....

2008-02-15T00:01:00.002-06:00

Since I just got out of Flower Torture (I worked 12 hours today...OY!) and am absolutely exhausted, this is gonna be brief...but had to share some good news!
First off...if you know Abbie over at Chronicles of a Bionic Woman, today is her BIRTHDAY!!! She is one of my very favorite people in the whole world and I wish I could be there to celebrate it with her...go to her site (here!) and wish her a happy birthday....please!!! Happy Birthday, sweet friend!!!!
Secondly, my good friend Sam is having his second CI activated today!!!I am SO excited and even a bit nervous for him...I SO want this CI to be everything he's dreamed of!! He, like me, had a little trouble with his first one (although his circumstances are slightly different) , and I want this one to be INCREDIBLE for him!!
Please, if you have time, go forth and visit them both (tell them I sent you!!)! Share the love, folks!
I am headed to BED! I don't want to see another flower, living or dead, for at least a week. I am SO thankful that effective tomorrow, I will be a cashier instead of the girl in charge of the floral department! Both of my hands are scratched from the roses, one fingernail is ripped off about halfway down from the stupid balloon contraption thing we were using (it's VERY sore...I am not typing with it right now) and I think I pulled something throwing the deceased flowers out (the compactor door is chest-high on me, and we're supposed to pick up huge, heavy garbage cans and empty them into the aforementioned door. One time I had help....the other two times I didn't!) I will LOVE being a cashier after this...I will get to stay CLEAN and relatively unharmed on the job!! Woohoo!! ;)
OK...off to bed now! I'll try to post more in the next day or so...I do have a lot to say, but it's just been so nuts here!
Love y'all.... :)

Quick update!!!

2008-02-11T22:31:00.001-06:00

I'm going to make this way fast...it's bedtime! Just wanted to come on here and let those of you that actually count how many days go between posts (big wink...you know who you are! ;)) know that I'm still alive and kicking over here! It has been hectic...I have been on the go almost constantly since last Friday morning. I have been writing about all the activities over on the family blog if you want to check it out there...I don't have time to recap it here!! :)
I do want to post that I got to meet up with my buddy Laurie on Saturday morning. Laurie was one of the first people I ever met with a CI and she has been one of my biggest supporters from the very beginning. She roomed with me at the the HLAA convention in Oklahoma City last June and we had a terrific time. We don't get to get together as often as we like...but when we do, it's always quality time!! We got to spend time with a potential CI candidate Saturday morning...it was awesome meeting Susan and her hubby Houston and getting to know them better...they are such great people!! I will hopefully get to see Susan next month at the Nashville HLAA meeting...but won't get to see Laurie again until May, more than likely.
(click to see picture in larger size)

Jen, Laurie, and Susan (more pictures in the Picasa Web Albums ------> )

The HLAA meeting was Saturday...and it was great seeing everyone again...a month is entirely too long for me to go without seeing that crowd!! We got some great news this month...the 2009 HLAA convention will be in NASHVILLE!!!! I am SO excited....that means I get to help with it!! I have already told my hubby that even if it IS practically in our backyard I am still getting a hotel room and staying on site so that I can enjoy it with everyone else! That news just made my whole month! I did tell hubby that the only thing I don't like is that I like traveling out of state for my conventions....getting to see NEW places...Nashville is home, so it won't be anything new and interesting, but it will still be awesome! We left there and went to a Valentine's party, which was hard...it was a candlelight dinner party in the dark in a huge crowd of loud, rowdy adults. My comprehension is pretty good, but it was no match for loud and dark :(. What a contrast between the comfort of my captioned hearing loss meeting and that party! I went from feeling at home to feeling out of place and uncomfortable...ugh! I hate that feeling!!
Sunday we celebrated my Grandma's 90th birthday. The party was huge...probably around 150 people...and it was great seeing relatives I hadn't seen in months (some of them in years) and telling all about my CI. They were all totally fascinated by it and loved testing it out to see if I could really hear them (I could). It was a bit too loud in there and I had to struggle a little, but it was still much, much easier than it's been in years....and I am so grateful!!

I had an incident this morning involving my lost keyring (not only that, but an expensive CI battery that I keep on it!!) (the entire story is on the other blog) that kept me on the phone for the better part of an hour with many different people....and, unbelievably...I understood nearly every word. My phone comprehension seems to keep getting better and better. I think it's officially time for me to put my phone hangups on the back burner and start trying to talk to people more. The only way I'm going to gain confidence is to practice. Anyone want me to call 'em??
I have more to write, but I'm going to bed...I work EVERY DAY this week, including Saturday, and if I don't keep up with my sleep I'm not going to survive the week!! I'll try to write more in the next day or so...when I have more time and energy!! :)
Love y'all....

Because I am TOTALLY a sheep....

2008-02-04T00:25:00.000-06:00

...and have to follow what everyone else is doing, especially when it's that adorable Abbie, I took a stab at captioning my activation video. There are four of them, and this is the second one...the one where I got to hear voices for the first time. I have it about 99% finished...there are just a few spots that need a little work, still, but I'm too tired to finish it tonight. I wanted to e-mail it to a couple of folks quietly before I posted it here but couldn't figure out how to do it, so here it is :)
It starts out with me listening to the beeps...we're setting them at comfortable levels before turning it on.

There are a few spots where I can't tell what either the audie or I am saying...usually because I'm far too impatient to let her finish her thought and butt in with thoughts of my own, and we're both talking at the same time. Occasionally I just can't hear what we're saying, so I'll listen to it again tomorrow with a fresh brain and try again :)
Hopefully, I can get the rest of them up and running in a few days. One is nearly finished, so really, just two more to go :) There's a link to my YouTube videos over in the sidebar if you want to see the rest of them (uncaptioned, ya know).
I got a neat surprise in the mail from a friend the other day...he sings in a male quartet and sent me three of their CDs. I listened to them yesterday (and today) and was amazed at how easily the words come to me...and these are songs I've never heard before. There are no instruments...this is just vocals...and I'm able to pick up nearly every single word. I'm in awe :)! Women's voices need to be tuned up again...I'll be good and ready for that next map when the time comes! :)
OK, I am SO going to bed...I have to get up at *ugh* SIX AM to get ready for work in the morning (I know some of you have to get up far earlier, but indulge me and feel sorry for me, OK?) Night, y'all.....

More butterflies!

2008-02-03T13:40:00.001-06:00

Cindy just posted a few more butterflies for me on her blog...I know that some of you love them too so I am sharing them! :)

Map update: Better than I hoped!!

2008-01-31T21:43:00.001-06:00

I went to Vanderbilt today for a new map for my CI and was really anxious to see what could be done. At my last appointment the computer showed that two of my electrodes had shorted out, and the resulting map was disastrous...it sounded just awful. My brain slowly but surely adjusted, but I was really excited about going back and seeing if she could make it sound even better.
When I got there, she introduced me to her newest intern and then plugged me up to the computer. She was walking through the information on the screen and explaining to the intern what it all meant, and then she pointed to some little green dots at the top, and said, "These are the "impedences". When they're green they mean the electrodes are on and working." Well, that was the first I'd heard of that, so I took a look, and TA-DA....ALL the lights were green! So I asked her, "Does that mean that ALL the electrodes are working??" and she grinned and said yes. We decided that probably what happened is that when she hooked me up to the computer last time something happened that made it lose signal from those two electrodes (maybe something as simple as my scratching my head and bumping the magnet) and they showed as being out. I was a little annoyed...because I can't help but wonder if maybe a reboot of the computer or something could have fixed it and I wouldn't have had to struggle through this past month...but on the other hand, I was so relieved that they were working properly...that was all that really mattered :). When we turned the two back on, men's voices are suddenly deeper and stronger...so we had to make some adjustments to keep them from being overpowering. It changed the entire balance of things...so it will take several days to re-adjust all over again...but I'll manage ;). I had forgotten to bring a music CD with me to listen to in the car so I turned the radio on just to see how things sounded. I was impressed that I could understand almost everything the announcer and all the advertisers were saying, and I was able to hear the music well enough to not only enjoy the sound, but pick up words here and there....to songs I didn't know. I have never listened to the radio before...it was an exercise in futility, because I really just couldn't tell what was going on. At this moment music needs work...after all the electrode-shifting and frequency-adjusting in today's mapping, my brain is thoroughly confused, and that will take a few days to settle down. However, I had a MAJOR CI moment when I was listening to the radio today...I was listening to a song that I didn't know and thought, "Hm...that sounds like Josh Turner's voice" and a few seconds later the announcer said that it was a Josh Turner song...and a few minutes later I thought I recognized Martina McBride's voice and it was "Independence Day" (I haven't listened to the whole song in so long that I didn't recognize it from the music until we got to the chorus!). Now...I'm pretty impressed with that!!!!
I did get some annoying news today...the T-coil (telephone setting...it blocks out background noise) won't work with my BlackBerry....grrrrr. However, it works fine with land lines...I just need to practice using them. I am still big-time phone shy, and will only talk to certain people on my "approved" list (I think, so far, it's just been family and Melli!) I can hear great on the BlackBerry but can't cut out all the background noise. When I was first activated I actually heard better on the BlackBerry than on the regular phone, so I haven't even tried to use the regular phone. I will probably be able to hear much better on it now with the T-coil. Anyone know any numbers I can call to practice? I already have the Time & Temperature message memorized!
If you have a CI, could you do me a favor? One of my blog buddies, Shari, over at Literally Blindsided, just failed all her CI exams...which means that she's a candidate (you have to fail all the tests in order to qualify!). She is researching and trying to decide which brand to get...would you please go over and tell her why you chose your CI and what you like about it? I know she would love any help you could give her!!
I was off today, but was so tired from my mapping appointment (they really can be exhausting) that I came home and went to bed and got a nap. I have been listening to music tonight and trying to catch up with my blog-buddies :). Tomorrow I work until 1 (just five hours...weird) then we're taking Will out to dinner...he will be having a birthday soon (deserving of its own post!) so we will be celebrating!
More posting soon....love y'all! :)

Another CI moment!

2008-01-29T22:09:00.000-06:00

I had a neat CI moment today! I had to take Katie to the eye doc today for new glasses...it had been a year and a half since her last appointment and she was in bad shape. She wanted me to go in the exam room with her so I went. She was in the exam chair and I was across the room. The doc had his back to me, looking at her face, and turned the lights off to do the exam. Suddenly, I realized that I could hear everything he said to her! I hadn't been paying attention...Ellie was on my lap and I was playing with her...but when I listened I realized I could hear every word. I know I've had pretty good comprehension lately, but today drove home to me what a big improvement the CI has made...I've never, as long as I can remember, been able to get an eye exam before without knowing in advance what was going to be done, what was going to be asked, etc. I would always have to stop the testing and look at the doc and say "What did you say?" It was a real eye-opener to realize that I won't have to do that anymore...WOW!
I still have a little trouble at work...it's so LOUD there! Everything makes noise at Wal-Mart! I went back into the back the other day and one of the produce boys asked me, "Did you hear them page you?" I told him, no, I hadn't, and he said, "Well, you're supposed to call the office". I told him that I couldn't call the office, and he said, "Well, you HAVE TO"...to which I responded, "I'm deaf, remember?" After the initial sheepish grin he offered to make the phone call for me. I can hear the pages if I listen to them...but they're garbled, and there is a new page every few seconds, and I don't have the time or energy to focus on listening to them all day long :). Someone can come get me if they need me for anything! Word is getting around about the bionic gal in the produce department and I just love talking to people about it. They are naturally curious and have tons of questions and I have really enjoyed getting to educate people about it. I have also performed the famous paper-clip trick on more than one occasion...it never fails to entertain (and raise eyebrows) when you're able to stick things on the side of your head, as if by magic. Great party trick!
The two electrodes that are not with us anymore are not causing problems...I am happy to report that I seem to be fully acclimated to not using them. I desperately need a new map, since the other one wasn't great to start with...that will be remedied on Thursday at 10 (I canNOT wait!) I'll post and let y'all know how that goes! The biggest indicators of needing a new map for me are just an overall decrease in sound quality. Music sounds awful right now, where it sounded pretty good before, and things just sound a bit muddier and kind of irritating. I am ready to get back to some good CD quality sound again! :)
Mike Chorost continues to share his experiences with his second CI (and the exploits of the two ears together) on his blog...and Jim over at Countdown to Implant was activated today and has his own story to tell...go visit them! :)
A favor? I am updating my blogroll. If you want me to include you, PLEASE leave me a comment with the link to your blog and I'll link you. If I'm already linked to you but the link is out, let me know that, too, please? That includes all the DeafRead bloggers...I would love to link to any of you as well :) If you want to be included on my main blog blogroll too, let me know that too...I know that that roll needs to be updated!
Headed to bed...I've enjoyed being off today, and have an easy week ahead, but have to get up and get moving at 6 AM tomorrow, so I'm going to start winding down now. Hope everyone's having a great week and staying warm!! :)
Much love....... :)

I LOVE this!!!!!

2008-01-24T23:45:00.000-06:00

Several really, really interesting things happened today. My blogbuddy Cindy started my day off with a huge smile today. I visit her blog often and LOVE her pictures. She had one of a dragonfly last night and I asked her if she had any of my beloved butterflies. In response, she posted this: Wings for Jennifer. If you like butterflies, these are gorgeous...THANK YOU, Cindy!!!
Next up....here's a commercial, produced by Pepsi, slated to run during the Super Bowl's pre-game show. This is popping up on several friends' blogs across the country and I HAD to share it with you...it made me smile, burst out laughing, then nearly cry. (more information here!!) I love me some Pepsi!!!

I also want to share this video clip with you all....but you'll have to go to this website to see it. My blogging buddy Karen, who is deaf, drove around a Steak & Shake in her state yesterday and since she drove up to the window to order rather than ordering at the speaker, the MANAGER not only denied her service, but told her to quit holding up traffic or he'd call the police. She was outraged, her readers were outraged, and ABC news picked it up. I will be VERY interested to see what the outcome is to this story!!!
And Michael Chorost, who wrote the book Rebuilt, which I read just before my first CI was activated, had his second CI activated today. He wrote about it on his new blog...if you're interested, go visit him. He has two working ears now...the real challenge lies ahead...teaching them how to work together. Since my experience is so different, most of what he says is fascinating to me...a glimpse of how it's supposed to be :)!
In other, tragic news, I came home today from work to find that despite my best efforts to keep this family healthy, Fred the monkey (I keep wanting to call him George...Melli, that's your fault ;)) is bedridden with chicken pox (my girls were apparently in a very creative mood today). He has four anxious little nurses waiting on him hand and foot, and as you can tell from the cheerful smile on his face, he is soldiering on bravely. Poor Fred. (only at MY house!)

And today when I came home from lunch the oven went absolutely berserk and overheated (got so hot that it started self-cleaning, but without the locked door....oooh!). I couldn't make it shut off and it seemed to be getting hotter and hotter so I had to pull it out from the wall and unplug it. Oy. The repairman cometh tomorrow. Oh joy.
Going to bed....quite enough for one post...don't want to use up all the good stuff in one day! ;)
Love y'all......... :)

Quick update....

2008-01-22T22:30:00.000-06:00

...I know I said I was going in for a new map this morning, but the weather didn't cooperate...ugh :(. I had to be there at 8 AM today and last night they were predicting snow, sleet, and freezing rain. I woke up at 5:30 and couldn't see much, but they had closed a lot of the schools around the area so I decided if it was that bad I wasn't taking chances. Southerners don't have a lot of experience with bad road conditions...I know I don't...and I don't trust everyone else out there to do better than I do...so I decided to stay home. Since my mother-in-law had my kids (I was supposed to leave early, early to get to Vanderbilt, so they spent the night with her so she could get them off to school) I went back to sleep and slept until 9 AM....awesome! I have been working so much lately and on the go when I'm off...and I needed the rest! :)
I have my mapping appointment rescheduled for Jan. 31st. I can wait one more week...I've waited this long! In the meantime, I have new listening material...one of our friends sings in a quartet and his CDs were some of the first I listened to when I was first activated. I e-mailed him and let him know how good he was sounding, and he sent me three of his CDs today as a gift!! I was so surprised and tickled....and can't wait to listen to them all! Wasn't that sweet?!??!
One of my online (non-blogging) buddies is having his CI surgery tomorrow...Ronald, if you're reading this...GOOD LUCK! And then there's Michael Chorost, who has turned his webpage into a blog (I love it...go check it out!) ...his second implant will be activated on Thursday. I can't wait to hear all about it and wish I could be there for his Two-Eared Party!!! Good luck, Mike!
I am trying my best to get down to business and learn some signs before my trip to Reno in June. I promised myself when I left OKC in June that I would know at least some signs before the 2008 convention...and while I've learned a few, I'm woefully behind :(. I signed up for an ASL class last fall, but they didn't get enough participants to have it two different nights and they ended up having it on a church night so I couldn't go. This spring I can't possibly pull it off because of all the hours I'm working, so I am trying to learn it by book and video...and it's slow going :(. Does anyone know of any great resources to help me learn online...perhaps some captioned videos or websites? I only know about 30-something signs...and most of them are some that I learned thirty years ago and managed to retain. Not nearly enough to be able to use it to communicate, though! :( My goal is to someday learn enough to become certified as an interpreter...I know I have a long way to go, though, both in learning signs and being able to actually hear well enough to do the job!
Getting off here and headed to bed...I've been on the go so much lately that I am constantly tired...ugh! Hope everyone is having a great week and staying warm...love you all! :)

One more thing marked off my list....

2008-01-16T23:25:00.000-06:00

...today I reserved my hotel room (Abbie, check your Gmail, darlin') for the HLAA convention! Now all I lack is buying my plane tickets...and I'll be all set! I am still thinking things through before I actually settle down and buy them...my friend Deb put a bug in my ear and now I am wanting to go to the Advanced Bionics plant in Sylmar, CA, if at all possible, on this trip. I'm trying to figure out how to pull that off. I need to get busy and figure out what I'm gonna do so I can get those tickets before the price goes up! I am wound up about this trip...and annoyed that it's still five months away...but that will give me time to save up some money for it and decide how to approach the boss about taking that time off ;). If they won't let me off, I'll quit and get another job later...I have my priorities straight here ;)!!
In other news...tonight at church when the singing started I was able to tell where the pitch was almost immediately...which has been a problem the past few weeks. Voices are still not perfect, but what happens is you just get used to it, and it doesn't bother you as much, and then one day you realize they're actually sounding pretty good :). My next mapping session is in less than one week...and believe me you, I am READY for it!
Headed to bed...I was lazy today (day off) and tomorrow it's back to work again...and I need to get some sleep! Later, y'all.... :)

Interesting...

2008-01-14T22:37:00.000-06:00

Y'all know I've been struggling with this map quite a bit...and it's been really frustrating. Well, to make a long story very short, it turns out that when I went to Vanderbilt on Dec. 31st I was mapped with a faulty T-Mic. I don't think that has much to do with the electrodes shorting out...but I think it has a LOT to do with the sound quality over the past couple of weeks. The T-Mic that was on the CI was making a icky popping noise before I ever went in for a map but I didn't think much of it, honestly. When I came home from that particular disappointing mapping session I talked to my buddy Wayne who asked if I had considered trying a different T-Mic...so I gave it a shot. I had NO crackling or popping for the next few days, although the sound quality wasn't just terrific. Well, I took the T-Mic off the CI the other day to use the Direct Connect (to watch a movie, which shall remain nameless so as to avoid being repetitive, on the laptop) and when I put the T-Mic back on, it fell off and I couldn't find it right away, so I put the old one back on. It started crackling and popping almost immediately...and then suddenly I couldn't hear the first program at all anymore. Program 2 worked OK, but the sound was harsh and uncomfortable...I could feel the sounds, almost like with Thing 1. I promptly took it back off and put on the new T-Mic again (hubby managed to find it for me) and all the programs worked fine. So my last mapping was done with a T-Mic that was going out...that HAS to be part of the reason my sound quality has been so rough! I can hardly wait to go back to Vanderbilt on Tuesday (the 22nd) for the next map. I am taking the new mic with me and we'll give the whole thing another shot.
I talked to Katie on the phone tonight while I was at work...and did much better understanding her...and that always makes me feel great. Talking on the phone in a noisy environment is still not something I want to do...I think it's as much psychological as physical. I do intend to practice to see if I can get better at it but I wanted the T-coil to cut out the background noise and I don't have that. Plan to remedy that at the next map and then I'll try it again. I hate asking other people to get the phone for me...I always have. It's particularly annoying at work when the phone rings...I might be standing RIGHT THERE, but have to let my co-workers get it because of my fear of not being able to hear and really messing it up. I really get annoyed with myself when they're busy helping someone else and they have to stop what they're doing to come get the phone. I haven't ever been made to feel bad about it...they have all been just awesome, but I hate it. I need to cut myself a bit more slack...nobody can do everything, and this is just one of the things that I'm not ready for yet. It'll happen :).
I haven't had any profound CI moments the past few days...but today I woke up and all the kids were gone so I didn't put the Things on right away. I went about my normal routine in the perfect quiet. Occasionally I'll still feel mildly surprised when I slam a cabinet door and hear absolutely nothing...it's still hard to believe sometimes that I'm finally completely, totally deaf without my CI...quite an adjustment to make after 35 years of being able to hear at least some sounds. And yet, when that magnet touches my head, sounds roar to life...the sound of the heater, the TV, water running, the ticking of my Moonbeam clock, the clacking of the keyboard. I can hear it all...and it still amazes me that I can.
Thanks to Carrie for informing me that butterflies are deaf. I had never heard that before, and checked it out. And it's true...nearly all species of butterflies are deaf. That little bit of news really brightened my day. I have always loved butterflies but more so in the past few years than ever before. I identify with their metamorphosis from something plain and quiet into another entirely different creature: one with wings, with flight and freedom. Becoming completely deaf at last was the beginning of a journey that I never imagined taking...I had no idea at the time that I would end up an entirely different person at the end of it all. At the time it hurt so much that more than anything, I just wanted to shut myself away from the world and hide. This technological marvel...the tiny computer inside my head...changed all that. It gave me back independence, confidence, and joy...and, amazingly, it gave me something I'd never felt before...a sense of pride in being deaf. I have an intriguing story to tell and and have been able to share it...and even helped others make life-changing decisions for themselves. This butterfly has her wings and is flying, finally...and loving it :)
I've GOT to get to bed (stayed up too late last night working on my computer....oy) but wanted to really quickly send you over to my buddy Sam's blog again. Sam's getting his second implant done around noon tomorrow and will then be a bona fide member of the bilateral bionic club. It's still a fairly exclusive club...when Dr. Haynes spoke to our HLAA group in December, he said that worldwide, there are only about 3200 bilateral CI users...and less than 1300 of those are in the United States...with children outnumbering the adults 2 to 1 (that wasn't a surprise!). That number's going up quickly as insurance companies are FINALLY offering coverage. Sam was one of my biggest supporters when I decided I wanted a second implant...and I'm excited to see how he does with his...check it out! :)
Night, y'all...

Better....

2008-01-10T00:22:00.000-06:00

...men are slowly starting to sound like men again! What a relief!! I like men's voices, and was starting to feel like I was doomed to go through life listening to the guys talking in falsettos. I played a Paul Potts video a little while ago that I played just after activation...him singing "O Holy Night"...and it sounded pretty close...so that's a relief. I also listened to Jeff and Geo's activation videos again. The first time I listened to them I couldn't hear their audiologists talking like I could Abbie's so I wanted to take another listen. I still couldn't hear the audies very well...could just catch a word here and there...but you guys will be happy to hear that you sound like men and not girls ;). And lastly, I have been watching US Marshals again (that man looks good even in a chicken suit...whoo!) and while the voice isn't perfect just yet, it is SO much better!!! YAHOO!
I think a new map will make a huge difference. I can't help but wonder if something went wrong in the mapping process this time. In addition to the two shorted electrodes, I was supposed to have the T-coil set in the third program slot and it's not working....all I get is static. In her defense, I didn't try it before I left her office...even though I had my phone in my purse. This time I'm trying it out before I ever leave :). I have been handling phone calls pretty well just using the T-mic. My daughter called me while I was at Wal-Mart the other night and there was a lot of background noise and I didn't do so well then...but I eventually figured out what she wanted (she was calling with a grocery list of things, mostly junk, that she wanted me to pick up for her before I left work!).
While I haven't put on Thing 1 every single day (mostly out of forgetfulness), when I do wear it it's been fine...thankfully. It's not loud enough so that I can hear a whole lot, but that's not what I'm concerned with right now....right now I am just concerned with comfort levels...and if I can accomplish that, life is very good :).
And you know that annoying loudspeaker at Wal-Mart? I was working the other day and I actually heard them page me over it. I wasn't sure at first that I'd heard it right, but one of the women standing there said, "they're paging you!" and sure enough, they wanted me to run one of the registers. I hadn't done that before, so it was a little nerve wracking...checking people out accurately while talking to them and bagging will take a little practice. I did pretty well, though, I thought...they kept me up there for a couple of hours, so I must not have been too terrible ;)!
Jeff, thanks for the explanation in the comments. It took me a few seconds to wrangle it out in my little pea brain but I did finally get what you were saying, and it helped. I'm SO not techie about this stuff (Abbie can tell you...the poor dear has been working patiently with me) but am slowly learning. Before Abbie got ahold of me I just mainly let the audie do what she wanted to do...now I can say that I participate in my mapping sessions and know so much more about what's going on...and I like it much better that way :).
It's late, and I'm gonna get off here and watch my movie a bit longer...but I thought I'd update and let y'all know that things are on the upswing again...and I'm so thankful!! :)
Later....love y'all! :)

Funny....

2008-01-06T16:09:00.000-06:00

Late last night I watched US Marshals (ooh!). I had already put the ears to bed for the night (one of the benefits of being totally deaf with CIs...you can still have quiet time when you want it!) but when I saw Tommy Lee Jones, Thing 2 went back on...I love his voice as well as his face and his attitude. Well...boo...he sounded like a GIRL last night! And I know what that voice sounds like...and girly it ain't! What a bummer! I listened to it for about an hour and then took the CI back off and ended up falling asleep (I have it on DVD, so I can pick it up again later). All the men sound girly. I had heard other CI users mention having trouble with that before but hadn't ever noticed that particular problem personally until the two electrodes shorted out. Definitely something to work on at the next map (I think I'll bring along the laptop and my US Marshals DVD and we'll program it until Deputy Sam Gerard is sounding good again ;)!)
Despite that...and here's the funny part...this morning in church I actually heard the bell ring to signal the end of class...for the first time ever. It's a kind of shrill ring and I haven't ever been able to hear it before...even when listening intently for it. This morning I just heard it and wondered what it was until everyone got up and started walking out...then I knew. I also heard a noise during church and asked hubby what it was. He told me that it was the squeaky leather jacket of the woman sitting behind me...but I told him no...I know that sound now and that wasn't it. He asked me after church if maybe it sounded like the pump to the baptistry behind the pulpit, and I told him that THAT'S what I think it sounded like...a machine. He said that it wasn't supposed to be on but sometimes it kicks on when it's not supposed to...so he's going to check it out. If that's not it I'm going to guess that maybe it's the heater or something...it was definitely a machine...but hubby couldn't hear it, which, to me, is just wild :).
I have lost most of my sense of pitch, though...since we have men leading the singing and their voices throw me off. If my hubby starts singing before I can pick up the pitch from the women around me, I usually can't pick it up (he drowns them out). I didn't have trouble with that before, so, again, something to work on.
I have slept a bit and thought things through a bit and my thoughts on the deaf child mentioned in last night's post are a little calmer today. Whether or not I'd do the same thing, that child wasn't meant for those parents...for the good of the child AND the parents. I don't know the circumstances, so yesterday's posting seems a little judgmental today. Blame it on emotions.
My kids go back to school tomorrow (hooray!) and things will be somewhat back to normal. I'm glad...the lack of routine is making me crazy!
Later, y'all.... :)

Random thoughts....(long)

2008-01-05T21:30:00.000-06:00

I am full of randomness lately! Thought I'd share a few of those thoughts with y'all...
I read on one of my CI blogs today that a woman wanting a baby from China turned down a referral for a child because it was deaf. I have been thinking about that all day long. I know that most parents don't get to pick if their child will be hearing or deaf...or have anything else wrong with them, for that matter. International adoption often gives you that option. When my niece was adopted from Vietnam Doug and Lisa got a chance to see her referral and decide if they wanted her or not. She appeared perfectly healthy and was a beautiful baby and of course they wanted her. I would have :). They found out down the road that she has some sensory issues that they have had to deal with, but I firmly believe that even if they had anticipated those problems, they still would have loved her and wanted her unconditionally. They wanted to be parents and, I think, had faith that God would send them the baby that was just right for them :).
I can perhaps see not being prepared to take on the challenge of a severely mentally or physically handicapped child...especially if healthier, happier babies are available...but not wanting a child because it couldn't hear was a little bit stunning for me. I suppose that's because being deaf is the only life I've ever known, and it hasn't been a bad life by any stretch of the imagination. It's had its rough spots, to be sure...but nothing that was insurmountable. Most deafness can be dealt with...if not by hearing aids or cochlear implants (and there are very few people that truly can't benefit from one or the other), by sign language or other means of communication.
I love reading the blogs of the deaf babies...the dedication and love and commitment of their families is clearly evident. While doubtless many, many tears have been cried over their childrens' loss, I have heard it again and again: "I love them just the way they are." It doesn't mean that these parents wouldn't change things if they had the power to do so. It just means that they value their children for who they are...that they can see the child, not just the disability.
I think, as a deaf adult who has struggled with my own insecurities over my handicap, that seeing a child overlooked because of deafness is just incredibly sad. Even though I don't know all the circumstances surrounding the prospective parents' decision, and I would hesitate to judge them too harshly, it feels like to me that this child just wasn't quite good enough for them. I hope that I'm wrong...that perhaps they thought about it very carefully, considered that they didn't have resources available to help a deaf child, and hoped that they would be better taken care of in another family...but it still makes me sad.
My parents didn't have the choice when it came to "perfect children". In addition to having a deaf daughter, they had a severely mentally retarded son (and I had two more brothers, so they had their hands full!) They never had the chance to say "I want a do-over!" or "I don't want this one!"...it was what it was. And they went to bat, not just for us, but for all their kids...and I was given whatever it took to have not only a functional life, but a good one. The nearest GOOD resources for deafness were right where they are now...at Vanderbilt, an hour away...and we were there nearly every week. And I never, for one minute, felt that my deafness made me "not good enough" in their eyes, or that I had inconvenienced them somehow. They loved me for who I was...just the way I was (and wanted to strangle me, occasionally, for who I was, but that's a whole 'nother ballgame, and not one bit related to deafness ;)). I did (and occasionally still do) have insecurities over being deaf but have learned, after years and years of denial, to not only accept my deafness but be proud of it and who I am despite it.
I have been debating whether to write about my last mapping but think I'm ready to tell a bit about it. It was both bad and good. Abbie and Sam had both been dealing a bit with "problem child" CIs...in their case, they had the facial twitching resultant from the electrodes stimulating the facial nerve. Abbie first learned that the HiRes S program helped dramatically with the twitching...and passed that bit of information on to Sam, who tried it at his next map with equally dramatic results. He passed that bit of information on to me, and I promptly squashed that idea because, after all, I didn't have twitching and I stubbornly didn't think it would help. I thought about it a bit more, though, and decided that it sure wouldn't HURT anything...after all, it wasn't getting better like it was. So at my map on Dec. 3oth, I asked Susan to turn Thing 1 down to the HiRes S program to see if I liked it better, and amazingly, I do. It's still very soft, but the vibrations are much less jarring on S than they were on HiRes P or the 120 program. I had made a commitment to wear both Thing 1 and Thing 2 for just a little while every day, and HiRes S has made it much less of a chore. I am so grateful for my Internet support group...we all help each other out, and offer advice here and there, and if we can't do anything else, we can sympathize and support...it's wonderful :).
Thing 2, however, was a whole different ballgame this time. When Susan turned on the computer, I waited for the beeps but they never came. I finally took a gander at the computer monitor and electrodes 4 and 5 were highlighted in blue. I asked her what that meant and she said that they had shorted out. SAY WHAT? I then, of course, immediately commenced to freak out (I'm prone to that). She reassured me that it wasn't an immediate cause for freaking out (her reassurances fell on deaf ears *snort*) and told me that the other electrodes would pick up the slack and that things would be fine. Well...that mapping session was a bad one...we just couldn't get things to sound right. I went home that day and for the first time was unable to tell men's and women's voices apart. This week has not been a good one hearing wise...I can still hear all the environmental sounds fine, but am having a little more trouble with voices. My own sounds more like Daffy Duck than ever before. I go back on Jan. 22nd and we're going to take another shot at the mapping thing and hopefully will be able to fix some of these issues. I have talked to quite a few people who have experience with these things and have found that shorting isn't an uncommon thing, and it should have little or no effect, in the long run, on my overall hearing. It has set me back a bit...but I should have expected that this journey wouldn't be without a pitfall here and there!! It's been absolutely perfect up until now...I've been so lucky :). I have faith that everything will soon be back on track...but it took me a few days to get my good attitude back in gear!
I did have a great experience when I called my hairdresser to make a hair appointment and was able to understand him just fine. I hadn't made many phone calls to "outside" people (people outside immediate family, in other words) and was a little nervous, but it went great...I heard almost everything (and I have an appointment Tuesday at 9, which cannot come soon enough). And get this...I was driving when I called him...and our Pathfinder is SO loud it's a wonder I heard him at all! I have called my daughter a time or two and never have any trouble with her...I still can't get over what a blessing that is!! :) I need to practice calling people more...but I'm still a bit nervous (anyone wanna be my guinea pigs?) .
I'll be back to write more soon...but The Fugitive is on, and Tommy Lee Jones is looking good, so I'm off to watch that! Later....much love! :)

Happy New Year.....

2007-12-31T18:11:00.001-06:00

...to all my readers! Stay safe and warm where you are...will see you next year! :) You're in my thoughts and prayers...much love to you all! :)

HLAA Convention: Reno

2007-12-30T16:47:00.000-06:00

Last day to register at the Early Bird rate!! Last year they extended it, but this convention is so big and will be so well-attended that I doubt they'll do it this year. Link to information is here:
http://www.shhh.org/convention/index.asp (registration information is on the right side of that page).
I am sharing a room with two other ladies so far...if you're interested in being the fourth girl (just one bathroom, though, sorry, dears!) e-mail me privately...thanks!
And yes, I registered for it....Wednesday! :) I knew if I put it off til the last minute I'd be bound to forget about it! :)
Will be back to post more soon.....

The Misadventures of Thing 1 and Thing 2

2007-12-26T22:59:00.000-06:00

OK, I promised a few weeks back that I'd let y'all in on how Thing 1 and Thing 2 are doing. And the shortest version of all is that they're not playing well together. If that's all you want to know, you have your information and you may be excused ;).
If you want to know more, here it is: we have a loooong road ahead of us. Before you dismiss any thoughts of ever going bilateral from your own brains, don't panic...please remember that my situation's a little different, OK? Thing 1 is my vibrotactile ear...the ear where I feel my sounds along with and instead of hearing them. I was told before I ever had the surgery that it might go away and it might not. I do hear sounds with it, but they are all, every one, accompanied by a sensation. At loud sensitivities the sensation is much stronger and much more uncomfortable. When it was all I had to work with, it was TOLERABLE. I didn't like it, but it was the only sound I had coming in and so I dealt with it...it was better than nothing. I was expecting more of the same from Thing 2 and was amazed and shocked and overjoyed when I only HEARD my sounds. I can occasionally feel a sensation when the sound's up too loud, but I think that it's just normal "that's-too-loud" sensation.
It was suggested that I wear just the new CI for a few days after activation to acclimate the brain to the new signals. Fine by me. After a few days, though, when I put Thing 1 on, I was blown away...the vibrations seemed just unbearable after several days of nothing but sweet sound. I hadn't realized how horrible the sensation was until I had something to compare it to...and I didn't like it. Throw into the mix that I have some sensory issues anyway, and it was just about more than I could handle. So I took it off again.
I brought Thing 1 along with me to a map and we adjusted the settings...turning everything way, way, way, way down. Present at that mapping was an audiology intern that listened to the story in interest, and then voiced the question that I had often wondered to myself aloud to the audiologist, "Will she ever get full use out of that ear?"
And my audiologist said, quite frankly, "We just don't know. But if she doesn't, at least now she has this good ear to work with."
So there it is...it might not ever get better. I've struggled with it for over a year and it's only gotten minimally better, and now, with my second, much better implant, I'm seeing no benefit from the first at all, because it's so uncomfortable that I can only wear it on the lowest of volumes in order to tolerate it.
HOWEVER...I don't want to give up yet. I think that if I could see into the future and know one way or another it might be different, but I have no way of knowing but what perhaps my second ear might help bridge the gap for my first ear, and someday it might be better. I think that if I didn't at least try I would always wonder "what if". I have, in the past, been able to pick up a lot of background sounds with Thing 1, and know that if I could learn to tolerate it it might provide me with a lot of sound information that I can't get with just one ear. So I'm not giving up...yet.
I am bad about breaking New Years' resolutions (resolutions are just made to be broken, it seems) but I really plan to try my best to wear Thing 1 at least a little while every day for the next year. Right now it's set so low that I can barely feel anything (and I don't hear anything either) but it's on. My hope is that my brain will make the adjustment over the next year and that the two ears will someday be able to play nicely together. If that doesn't happen, I will know that I at least tried it. I have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
In the meantime, Thing 2 is amazing...I am hearing everything. I heard my mother talking last night when we were outside getting in our cars to go home...and the porch lights weren't on...and I understood every word she said. I can recognize which baby's crying in church by the way they sound and from the loudness (cool!). I am starting to be able to understand the TV without having to try nearly as hard (I do still have to listen, though). I heard my daughter crunching potato chips yesterday while I was watching "Mr. Bean's Holiday"...and finally told her that if she didn't hurry up and eat the chips she was going to have to move to another room with 'em! I love my new ear...it has totally given me my life back...more than I ever imagined it would :)
Love y'all.....

Merry Christmas to you...

2007-12-24T23:26:00.001-06:00

I hope everyone's staying safe and warm and enjoying family and friends this holiday season. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I love you all and am grateful for your friendships. You have added so much to my life...what a great gift!! Thank you!!
I'm finally finished shopping (bought the final gift this afternoon when I got off work at 3 PM) and now we just have to wait for our girls to fall asleep so we can eat the milk and peanut brittle thoughtfully set out for Santa (who doesn't need it this year, thanks very much, but will humor the kids and eat it anyway). We have opened presents with my family (Sunday night after church) and hubby's family (this afternoon after I got off work). Tomorrow we're going back over to my dad and mom's to eat and just hang out...we're having hamburgers and potato salad and baked beans and watching movies and playing video games and just relaxing. One of my brothers won't be with us tomorrow, which is why we all got together last night.
After digging through tons of garbage this summer to uncover the girls' room, we issued a strict edict about what was and wasn't allowed for Christmas this year. It has been followed to the letter (we have some WONDERFUL family!) and the girls have gotten just a few toys and a TON of clothes. They all asked for clothes this year (I think that all that Hannah Montana is rubbing off on them) and that's what they got...tons and tons of clothes, shoes, tights, hair accessories, pajamas, and pocketbooks. They gleefully dug through the boxes and pulled out all the clothes and then started a fashion show. I didn't hear the word "toys" mentioned once! Santa will be bringing a few toys and a few more clothes, so there's a little more spoiling yet to come. We are, as usual, very blessed this year...certainly more richly than we deserve!
I'm off work until Thursday afternoon...and don't work ANY mornings this week, so I will be catching up on rest...good thing, too, as I'm getting seriously sleep-deprived. I plan to spend Wednesday in my PJs doing nothing at all until church time!
Pictures from the Gaylord Ice! show can be found here and a few of our Christmas pictures can be found here (I didn't show many of them...most of them are of present-opening ad nauseum and of the little girls modeling clothes....many, many clothes). I'll probably add a few more in the next few days...but that's it for now :).
Going to see if the kids are asleep...and if they are, this jolly elf has work to do! I love y'all...once again, Merry Christmas!

Still alive...

2007-12-22T00:35:00.000-06:00

...here's proof :)
We went to the Gaylord Opryland's ICE! show tonight....just got home, and am about to just keel over in the bed. I don't have to work until 1 tomorrow, and plan to sleep until my eyes pop open in the morning...for the first time in nearly a month. The show was incredible....but cold...they keep it at FIFTEEN DEGREES in there (hence the NASA suits!!)
I've gotten the cards done (about 150), and MOST of the shopping done (have a little to do in the morning) . I worked 40 hours this week, running mainly on coffee and DayQuil during the day and Nyquil at night...had church and two birthday parties at night. The past three days I have been up at 5:45 for work, out the door at 6:40, usually getting about one hour after work to come home and change clothes, then back out the door for the night's events, usually getting home just in time to go to bed. So my blogging's taken a hit! Of course, that means I'll have stories to tell when I get a chance to really get some writing in!
I'm going to bed NOW....and will write more soon. I took a bunch of cute pictures at the ICE! show and will share them ASAP!!
Love y'all! :)

Coming up for air!!

2007-12-18T22:53:00.000-06:00

After a few days of going non-stop, I finally have about 15 minutes to write something before I head back to bed! It's been nuts here!! If you have e-mailed me in the past few days (and I've gotten quite a few e-mails), I apologize for my slowness in answering...I will be in touch in a day or so, hopefully...I do want to connect with all of you.
Sunday we had the two worship services and then we had lunch here. Hubby did a lot of the cooking and he and the kids did most of the cleaning and that helped a lot. The kids had friends over and Rachel wanted baby Jaydyn to stay the afternoon as well. I didn't realize until we were on the way back to church Sunday night (the van looked awfully full) that we had had 10 kids in the house all day! I worked on our Christmas newsletter and our cards all afternoon, and finally conked out for about a half hour nap just before church, and the kids didn't bother me a bit.
Yesterday (Monday) I worked until 4, then came home and threw corn, potatoes, keilbasa and shrimp in a pot with some Old Bay for dinner....yum! Then I sat in on the CI Chat and worked on Christmas cards AGAIN! As of last night I had about 80 done.
Today I worked until 4 then came home and made Reuben sandwiches for dinner (I boiled the corned beef last night so I wouldn't have to do it today), then it was back to the cards...House was a rerun so I didn't even bother with it! I am, for all practical purposes, done with cards. I have a few to take to work and a few to drop in the mailbox in the morning...then I'll be FINISHED! Yay!!
Tomorrow I work til 4, then we have Mexican for dinner, and then church. After church I'll have to work on my Christmas shopping list because Thursday is THE shopping day! I am hoping desperately that I can get FINISHED with my shopping that day and not have to go out again (but not counting on it!)
Work has been crazy with people piling on orders for Christmas cards and enlargements to frame and buying cameras for Christmas presents (awesome present, by the way!). It doesn't help that I've picked up some germs somewhere (I know you're all shocked) and have a nasty cold...ugh. Today was the worst day of it so far...I just loaded up on DayQuil and coffee and plowed on through (tomorrow I will add ibuprofen to the mix...ooh!). I expected that I'd pick up more bugs that usual, at least at first, because I've been fairly sheltered from 'em for a while, and now I'm being bombarded with them, so I'm not surprised.
The photo lab loaned me out to the electronics department yesterday to check out their customers while they restocked their shelves. I was a little worried about working over there because my main job was to talk to customers about things I knew nothing about, but it went really well...I understood nearly everything that was said to me, and was able to either help or get help for everyone that needed it. I love my new ear, and I love my job! :)
Now, I'm going to bed...I'm frazzled and tired...but had to say hello to you all! Hope everyone's having a wonderful last-shopping-week-before-Christmas!!
Love y'all...

Oh, and....

2007-12-15T22:23:00.000-06:00

...only 15 more days to preregister for the HLAA Reno convention! After Dec. 31st the price goes up...so if you're going, think about registering now! :) I can hardly wait! :)

Chipmunks!

2007-12-15T21:12:00.000-06:00

...in hindsight, Alvin and the Chipmunks might not have been the best movie for my CI movie debut. However, when my sister-in-law called last night to invite us to go see the movie and go to dinner, I couldn't say no...we haven't taken the kids to the movies in a long time and it sounded like a really fun family night out. I was able to understand most of the human characters' voices really well but the chipmunks were out of the question! I tried every program I had and they all sounded pretty bad...and I seem to max out my volume in loud rooms...I had the sensitivity all the way on 4 about 15 minutes into the movie. I understood a chipmunk word here and there...that's it. There were enough sight gags in there and I understood enough that I really liked it, and will buy it when it comes out on video. It also had a good bit of music and the music sounded pretty good!
I can tell I'm needing a new map, though...things are starting to sound scratchy and kinda garbled again. My next one is scheduled for Dec. 31st...and I'll just have to wait until then, since I seriously won't have time to do it before that! I worked 40 hours this week, and will work 40 again this coming week (and will talk to them again about the whole "part-time" part of this job that I signed up for after Christmas!). Thankfully I'll have Thursday off...I am seriously behind in shopping!!!
One of the benefits of my CI that I'm incredibly grateful for is the help that it gives me in noisy situations. Hearing aids basically just made everything louder...the CI literally seems to draw voices in, even in noise. The photo lab is VERY loud...yet I can still understand voices fairly well...and in loud restaurants, it's much easier to pick out who's talking and hear their voices even over background noise. I am much more dependent on lipreading in noise, but that will get better...I'm confident :).
Like activation videos? Jeff over at Metal Postcard videotaped his activation and shared it on his blog...and it's wonderful to see (and hear...I couldn't hear every single word of it but I got most of it!). I just love watching the sound come on for people...every reaction is different. Some people are confused, some people cry, some people laugh hysterically (rolls eyes) and some people just beam with happiness. The babies will often look startled or even cry...or, in Landon's case, grin to absolutely melt hearts. I'm really happy for Jeff...he had another one of those great activations and is doing really well! Go visit and congratulate him!
I finally got started on Christmas cards tonight...and will be working on them frantically for the next couple of days...I have GOT to get them done by Tuesday or so or nobody's going to get one before Christmas (you want one? Drop me an e-mail with your address and I'll see what I can do!)! I'm also about one-tenth done with shopping (yes...it's horrible!) and am going to have to get it ALL done this next week! If I survive it I will be SO glad when Christmas gets here and all the madness STOPS! *whew*!
How're Y'ALL doing?
I'm going to bed. I had to get up at 5:45 this morning for work (and, on a Saturday, in my opinion, that borders on immoral) and I'm worn out. I'm off tomorrow but it's our Sunday to cook after church (my hubby has VERY kindly overseen the cleaning and cooking today, and even cooked me steak for dinner tonight...he's a good one!) so I'll be doing that and then working on cards all afternoon. Hope everyone's having a great weekend :)!!

I'm amazed...

2007-12-13T00:00:00.001-06:00

...at how well my new job is going, and how much the CI is helping. I was really afraid that I'd have more trouble than I have so far. I'm working as a photo lab technician at a major retail store and have spent a LOT of time interacting with total strangers. Before, it would often have been a cause for total panic...I loved talking to people, but it was so stressful...because I had to concentrate so hard to understand what was being said and was always afraid of missing something. Now I get most of it with no problem, and if I have to ask someone to repeat something, it's not a big deal, because I know I'll get it the next time around. If one of the girls calls me from behind I usually hear their voices and occasionally even hear what they're saying. It's loud in there...the machinery hums a lot and there are constant loudspeaker announcements and people talking and the phone ringing (that phone rings all day long...OY)...so I think I'm doing pretty well all things considering. I feel kinda bad because the phone rings constantly and I won't answer it. I can hear pretty well on my phone but when there's background noise I miss more. I might allow Susan to set one of my programs on the telecoil setting when I go back, so I can try it out...I would love to be able to answer that phone at work and do what everyone else does :). I tried calling one of the teenagers at church tonight (Will was with him and I needed to find out where they were). I used to avoid talking to this particular fella if I could help it because I couldn't hear him talking (mumbler)...but I have been hearing him better, and could hear him fine on the phone! Whoo-hoo!!
Tonight during the prayer at church, I didn't know who was praying (wasn't paying attention) until they started speaking. I listened to the voice and started shuffling through my mental index file trying to place the voice...and finally recognized it as one of the teens. I am amazed at the ability to not only hear sound and comprehend words, but to recognize the subtle inflections that make everyone's voices unique....WOW! :) I am understanding most of what the little girls are saying now without having to listen too hard. I love to practice, especially at church, listening to people without looking at them (I do it to my teachers and my preacher...I hope it doesn't annoy them too much, but I AM listening...)...I'm still in awe of how easy it is to hear. I haven't ever been able to just sit back and let the words roll in. I still have to focus a little, but most of it comes almost effortlessly. I hoped it would be better than my hearing aid, but I can honestly say that I never every thought it would be this incredible quality of sound...this soon.
I love the job...my co-workers are just precious and we have a good time working together. Today, I developed my first rolls of film single-handedly....all the way from taking the rolls from the customer, developing the negatives, scanning them in, printing them, packaging them up, and checking them out. I think (okay, I know) I accidentally rang up some pictures at the wrong price before being corrected *sigh* and am hoping that management takes pity on a poor new girl ;).
I do a lot of customer service...giving people their pictures and checking them out, helping them print pictures and create greeting cards, and answering questions...and I love it. I'm getting paid to talk to people all day long...you know that's right up my alley! I think I'll enjoy it more when I don't have to get up at (sigh) 5:45 AM to go in (sigh)...just another week! Last night I was so tired that I was asleep by 10:30. The last time I remember going to bed that early, I think I had the flu. I was absolutely exhaustified!
Having said that, I need to get in the bed now...it'll be time to get up soon!
Love y'all.... :)

Shift Change:

2007-12-10T23:19:00.001-06:00

I was supposed to work 1-10 PM for the next two weeks, but now I have to work 7-4 instead. This night owl is going to be one dead duck in a few days...whew! I see lots of naps ahead!!!
I love my job...and the girls that I'm working with are just great....sweet and friendly. I have a lot to learn still but they are making it fun for me. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have picked the weeks leading up to Christmas to start a new job, but I think it will work out...might be a good bit more stressful this year, but it will work :). I will be off on Sundays, and I will have next Thursday (the 20th) off...and will more than likely have to use that day to finish my Christmas shopping!!!! Blogging may be scarce until the holidays are over!
I was surprised at how much I actually heard today at work. I wouldn't have dared to try to use the phone there...too loud...but I could hear the girls talking to me over most of the noise and did pretty well understanding them. I was afraid I'd have a hard time talking to customers but I don't think that will be a problem either. We do have a lot of Hispanic people in our area and I think I'll have even a little more trouble with that language barrier than most people might, but we'll work something out :).
I am still amazed every day at how good things sound...not only am I hearing them, but I hear most sounds clearly and with very little distortion. Some voices still sound unnatural (mine in particular) but unless you focus on it, the brain tends to actually just ignore it. I have been told by a few people that I seem a little quieter than usual. I'm not sure if that's actually so or not but my voice still sounds louder than anyone else's, plus it sounds WORSE, and I think that it makes me a little more self-conscious when I talk. I know that my voice doesn't sound to other people the way it does to me, but it's still kind of hard to not think about it (I've always been a little self-conscious anyway). I just think it's kind of funny that now that I can hear, nobody can hear me! Gonna have to work on that!
OK...getting off here, and going to bed....love y'all!! :)

I can't believe...

2007-12-10T08:49:00.000-06:00

....that I haven't written anything since Thursday night! Believe me, though, I can explain!
I got up at 6:30 Friday morning and went to work at 8....got off at 5. I won't work those hours every day, but I did Friday. I was EXHAUSTED by the time I got through the day! However....I loved what I was doing and met a lot of new people (and saw some friends)...so it was a FUN day. When I got off I picked up a few groceries, ran home, and was going to soak in the tub for about 20 minutes but ended up jumping out in about five when I realized that the hot water had been used up by the rest of the family (brrrr!)...so, no relaxing there! Got dressed in holiday colors and we headed out to a Christmas party. We didn't get home from that until 11:30 PM...and I got in the bed and think I was asleep before I pulled the covers up. I was SO tired!!!
Saturday I slept until 9 and then got up and started cooking...I made a corn casserole and a batch of Gooey Butter Cakes and got ready for another Christmas party. We were out the door at 10:30 and in Nashville for the HLAA Christmas party at noon. Hubby and the kids came with me this month and ate with us, then they went downtown to a car show while the meeting went on. My surgeon, Dr. Haynes, spoke to us on the topic of bilateral cochlear implants. He shared a lot of information that I hadn't heard before and I learned a lot. If I remember correctly (and I probably didn't, so don't hold me to these numbers...I will try to back that up with proof in a day or so) he said that around 150,000 people worldwide have one CI (unilateral)...and only about 1300 people in the United States have two CIs (I forget the "worldwide" number of bilaterals, sorry). Of those in the US, about two-thirds are babies and children (that sounds about right!). So we bilateral users are still pretty rare, although I think that's changing and those numbers will skyrocket in a few years :). Dr. Haynes was nice enough to pose for a picture after. I showed it to my mom and she said, "My hero!" Since I feel the same way, I thought I'd share with y'all, too, so you can see the man behind it all :).In all fairness, though, I need to point out that it takes the whole team to make it work...that my audiologist, Susan, is the one who does the programming and the fine-tuning, and she does it well. Without audiologists these implants wouldn't do a thing...so she is my hero, too :)!
This month's meeting was a great one...in addition to Dr. Haynes being there, there was a much larger crowd than usual, the food was yummy, and I was delighted to see one of my favorite couples, Tommy and Judy, there. I met them for the first time last year at a CI meeting in Nashville. I mainly talked to Judy that day...she is a warm, friendly lady and easy to talk to. I ran into Tommy several months later in the HLAA CI chatroom and was delighted to hear from them again! They live in Kentucky so I haven't seen them in over a year...and was delighted that they made the trip down to the meeting this month!!
After the meeting we met my parents for dinner at Jim 'n' Nicks Barbecue (no website, sorry). I have been wanting to try it out for several months now and it was really good. We picked up a few Christmas tree ornaments and then headed home...got home around 9 PM. I spent about an hour uploading pictures to the computer and e-mailing a few of them out, but was too tired to write much...was asleep by 11 PM that night.
Yesterday morning I overslept (I usually get up at 7 on church mornings but woke up at 7:40!!) and started the day off on the run. After church and lunch we came home and worked on the Christmas tree...I didn't particularly feel like it but we're running out of time to get it done....so it was then or never. I did get in about a 45 minute nap before heading back out to church last night. After church I was determined to blog, but just when I logged into blogger.com, the cable froze up. It was down for a couple of hours and by the time I finally got it working again, I was too tired to post anything. Computers...wonderful when they work, worthless when they don't ;). The work week starts today :). I will work Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday this week...from 1-10 PM. I still have a lot to learn on the job and am excited about it! I need to get busy now and make up a menu for this week...I have decided that being gone 40 hours a week will require a lot of planning to make the rest of the hours in the week run more smoothly! Wish me luck!
HLAA party and tree-trimming pictures are here! :)
Have a great Monday, everyone...love y'all...

HLAA Christmas Party pictures.....

2007-12-09T23:10:00.000-06:00

....are here....check 'em out!
A new post is underway...will return shortly :)